What do you do when your DH has no respect for you at all?

[dogsaremybusiness]

Kind of at my wits end here. DH regularly shouts at me, calls me names, I’ve been called Cunt, Mong, etc, but for about 70% of the time he’s not like that. It’s wearing thin now. We don’t have any sex (his choice). This is my 2nd marriage and I’m desperate to save it. He was awful today before work. Screamed in my face and kicked his work bag before leaving. He blames his high stress job as a police controller.

You’re allowing your feelings of potentially ending a second marriage to cloud your vision of what’s actually going on here.

He’s a very bad man and you need to end things.

Go on trip then come home and leave him

If everything you have said in first post is true you can't safe this relationship and shouldn't even try

He doesn’t like you much at all. He has lost all respect for you.

You should be taking a permanent trip away from this prick.

I totally understand about the second marriage thing op. I feel the same way about the loss of my second long term relationship. It had been great for years and I felt so lucky after my disastrous first marriage. But then he turned abusive after we had a baby and that was that. Im gutted. But I had to leave. It’s bad luck op, that’s all.

I am sad to read that you put up with this for 18 months, never mind 18 years.

He's not a husband. He's an abusive cock lodger. And you don't even get the cock.

Cut and run (or rather, kick him out). Life is too short. This time, stay single. My house is a man-free peaceful haven now. They're just not worth the bother.

18 years sound rather successful, time wise. You'd get far less time for most crimes, so do bow out now.

There's no great success in being eternally tethered to a man who detests you to the point he won't even shag you and speaks to you in suchways.

Does he speak to his friends, family or co-workers like this?

Seek the support of your friends and family in leaving this distaste relationship.

There is nothing worth saving OP. Please get rid of him, he sounds vile. Verbal abuse is still abuse! You refer to your home as 'my house' so l am really hoping it is indeed yours. If so tell him to leave. No one should have to tolerate being treated with such disrespect.

Why do you want to save a marriage to a pig.

I'm sorry the same happened to you. It's so weird isn't it? He was great for a while, although he's always been a bit moody. He can be such great fun when he's on form, but it's like the extreme highs have extreme lows. I too thought that this was my "happy ever after" after my first marriage broke down (due to excessive cheating). This one would never cheat, but I think half of that is because he can't get it up!

I came in yesterday and my friend was at the gate, I shouted hello and his response was "I'm in the FUCKING shower", I think my friend heard, I'm so embarrassed. Huge argument ensued with him getting in my face and kicking his work bag. Then he went to work, I thought he would text and apologise, but nothing. I told him to sleep in the guest bedroom as he was leaving for work and he did. He's still asleep now. Wonder what delights today will bring.

We've just booked a huge holiday for next year, Sigh.

To a pp who asked, the house is mine. Will be mortgage free in November.

Mate, your husband is a cunt. Tell him to leave and take all his shit with him.

Why would you put up with that and want to save this relationship? A partner is supposed to enhance your life, not make you feel like crap. You are worth more than that.

Start bagging up all his shit and put it outside. Put him outside. Change your locks. Live happily ever after.

Just throw him out. Nobody has to put up with shit like that.

Fill in an online police domestic abuse form.
Phone Womens Aid.
Get divorced.

Get rid of him.

A man who is good 70% of time but bad 30% of the time is still 100% bastard.

Two divorces, I get it, but life is too short.

Change the locks when he's out, leave his stuff outside and file for divorce.

Why are you desperate to stay married to someone that hates you?

He sounds dreadful.

Is your house ringfenced protected in divorce? @dogsaremybusiness

Cancel the holiday.

Get legal advice to see what is likely to happen and then issue him divorce papers after talking to police first.

When people don't respect you, the only answer is to respect yourself enough to take yourself away from them.

I agree with all the posters who have suggested calling women's aid and seeing a solicitor. You haven't 'failed' twice, two men have failed you. Go on holiday with your friends and tell them the truth, you'll get loads of support and it will strengthen your resolve. Don't be embarrassed, the shame is not yours.

What do you do when your DH has no respect for you at all?
You leave him.