Never met OH friends or family - would you leave?

[Movingonup313]

I was close with a guy for 1 year prior to starting a r.ship with him. He was amazing during that 1 year. Since the relationship started at the end of 2025, he changed. Not so amazing. I suppose that in ltself is a worry.

But, to the question, I made it clear that I wanted to meet his friends/family. To substantiate his story/who he is etc. They are all circa a 9 hour drive from me. We can fly - it can be cheap and takes less time. 1 hr flight and 1 hour train from Lomdon. I have met no-one, not even on teams. Am I being silly in drawing a line through the r.ship based on that one request. I have children. We have holiday'd in the city/area where his friends/family are. All of my suggestions for how we can meet them have been turned down - time, cost, busy etc etc.

He wfh for a single employee business. No colleagues.
He has no online presence at all.
He has met them for various ocassions.
He lives near me.
I feel really uneasy.

Has anyone been in a similar situation and it worked out ok?

(As an aside he appears to be controlling, petulant and immature. I previously married a man, in similar circumstances (in terms of family/friends/online fp) and he almost destroyed me and our children.)

I’m confused. You are still with this man? It has been crap since last year?

Sorry, but what are the good things? Literally everything you have said makes him sound like a disaster. Look at your last paragraph. You have kids for god's sake.

Not so amazing. I suppose that in ltself is a worry.

well yes, but what does “not so amazing” look like?

Anyway - you have kids, presumably a job, a home to run, family and friends… why waste time navel gazing about a relationship that seems to have withered once it started?

I know. It is concerning isn’t it?

As an aside he appears to be controlling, petulant and immature. I previously married a man, in similar circumstances (in terms of family/friends/online fp) and he almost destroyed me and our children.)

so you thought you’d introduce his twin in to your children’s lives?

I mean not as amazing as he was during the friendship phase where I was getting over 1 r.ship. He was the kindest, caring most thoughtful person during that time. A very long love bomb I suppose!

Yes, very busy with work, kids,.pets, health issues and domestics so time together is limited. But he managed to be amazing. It all cooled off really quckly.

My issue is with not meeting friends/family. Has this worked for anyone?

Fgs Op

read your last paragraph

and prioritise your children

Why would you stay with him if he's controlling?

People seem to infering the wrong thing re my kids. Fwiw they are really fond of him. He is kind, engaging etc with the kids when he is here. The kids are my world. OH and I have 4 or 5 child free nights per year together. He stays a few times a month. Hoildays are the kids and I. He helps with pets, school run etc. All the help doesnt detract from immaturity, his view that he is never wrong and the fact I havent met his people.

I think he’s married to someone else.

It’s easy to be ‘lovely’ for a few hours once a week, isn’t it.

I would suspect he has a life you don’t know about hence busy with stuff etc. No online presence is strange but can be explained i suppose.

He is obviously making excuses re you meeting his friends and family. Perhaps he has a family already? Or doesnt see your relationship lasting.

It’s not normal to never meet any friends or family and I’d wonder what he’s hiding , where is he the time he’s not with you , is he with his wife ? His secrecy aside he’s not nice , controlling and never wrong ??? How many people do you know who are never wrong .

What reason does he give for not introducing you?

Have you said it's a dealbreaker after this long?

"he appears to be controlling, petulant and immature"

@Movingonup313 meeting his family/friends should be the least of your worries.

Read. The. Last. Paragraph. Of. Your. OWN. OP

🙄

@Movingonup313 I don't think people are inferring the wrong thing. I think they are highlighting that you are focusing on the wrong thing. Meeting someone's family after a certain point may or may not be normal, but it's the fact he's "controlling, petulant and immature" that should have you running for the hills.

Thank you. I knew him before and no wife or children to speak of. You are right - its easy to be busy for a few hours. I had surgery two weeks ago. He was on hand for a week doing the driving around of my kids. I now havent seen him for week. Im still in bed. It was complicated surgery. Surely if he cared, he would be here.
He pursued the r.ship and asked every 3/4 months during our friendship. He knew of my health issues. But the acts of love/kindness fell away. He wants me to ask him for help. Before, he just did stuff like put the bin out or walked the dog. No asking needed. Now, he will sit watching me run around doing jobs. Its not his house, kids, jobs - bit he showed he wanted to be part of it, did it all no question and then stopped. Ive actually tried to end it this year and he was full on wanting to stay. He had an out.

I'd leave for the other reasons you've given, with not meeting his family as a secondary concern.

I suggest he has another family elsewhere

That's quite the 'aside'! Surely that's an excellent reason to end it on its own? Fool me once etc..

But also, yes, all of the rest is highly suspicious especially if you've been in the area.

The distance, everyone has busy lives, cost of us all going (which id meet for kids and I). None of that applies with Teams.

Yeah, he knows its a deal breaker. I have not mentioned it for a few months as it was stressing me out.

The controlling, so far, is minimal. The immaturity is annoying. Both things Im keeping an eye on.

I suppose some comments on the thread are quite persuasive. Glad I asked.

Like my ex..... everyone bloody loves him. Arghhhhh

I think you should trust your instinct, if you have concerns that something isn’t right, you should act on it. Too many women ignore their gut instinct or push it down/don’t trust it and then regret it further down the line. You have several reasons already to distrust him so think carefully about what your next steps are

This is just so depressing

Why aren’t you very worried about his willingness to be alone with your children (school runs) but not with you?

Relatives are irrelevant..you have seen his character. Claire’s Law seems a good idea.