Never met OH friends or family - would you leave?

[Movingonup313]

I was close with a guy for 1 year prior to starting a r.ship with him. He was amazing during that 1 year. Since the relationship started at the end of 2025, he changed. Not so amazing. I suppose that in ltself is a worry.

But, to the question, I made it clear that I wanted to meet his friends/family. To substantiate his story/who he is etc. They are all circa a 9 hour drive from me. We can fly - it can be cheap and takes less time. 1 hr flight and 1 hour train from Lomdon. I have met no-one, not even on teams. Am I being silly in drawing a line through the r.ship based on that one request. I have children. We have holiday'd in the city/area where his friends/family are. All of my suggestions for how we can meet them have been turned down - time, cost, busy etc etc.

He wfh for a single employee business. No colleagues.
He has no online presence at all.
He has met them for various ocassions.
He lives near me.
I feel really uneasy.

Has anyone been in a similar situation and it worked out ok?

(As an aside he appears to be controlling, petulant and immature. I previously married a man, in similar circumstances (in terms of family/friends/online fp) and he almost destroyed me and our children.)

End the relationship, no crime in being single. Never mind what the reason is for this reluctance.

Yes this. He is obviously cheating!

Fwiw they are really fond of him
Kids are also really fond of stuffed toys.

You’re the adult. He doesn’t include you in his life. He won’t “let you go”.
Absolutely this is a bad relationship. Don’t settle for shit just because you want a challenge.

As an aside he appears to be controlling, petulant and immature. I previously married a man, in similar circumstances (in terms of family/friends/online fp) and he almost destroyed me and our children.

Explain to me why this isn’t your focus! Your priorities are wrong, would meeting his family mitigate the above. Ahhhhhhhh!!!

(As an aside he appears to be controlling, petulant and immature. I previously married a man, in similar circumstances (in terms of family/friends/online fp) and he almost destroyed me and our children.)

Never mind the fact that he's clearly either married, conning you or both: why on earth would you continue a relationship with a man who was 'controlling, petulant and immature' and introduce him to your children when you know full well you and your children have already been 'almost destroyed' by a man of exactly the same type?

Seriously. How the hell have you not dumped him the moment his behaviour changed? He was literally only nice to you before you actually started the relationship and then his behaviour changed... and you still continued the relationship? And introduced him to your kids?

Jesus H Christ. Dump him. He's a total wrong'un. There are more red flags here than a communist parade on May Day.

Just dump him: why do you need to meet the family of a bad boyfriend you have no future with?

Ive actually tried to end it this year and he was full on wanting to stay

Abusers and con-men ALWAYS want to stay, ffs.

If he seems controlling, petulant and immature then why are you seeing him?

There nothing wrong to me in having little or no social media presence. But you don't trust a word he says. What is the point of it?

The amount of controlling there should be in a relationship is ZERO.

controlling, petulant and immature
And you feel uneasy, he lovebombed you, and you let him be alone with your kids?

I can't understand this. How is this in your kids best interests? How does dating a controlling, uneasy man enhance your life?

I mean, it doesn’t sound like a great relationship from how you’ve described it, but if you only have 4-5 childfree nights each year together (so like EVER), I can see why he wouldn’t want to spend them visiting his friends and family 9 hours away. It doesn’t seem appropriate or fun to drag the kids along to that, so your time is really limited. But I mean really, this doesn’t sound like a relationship to invest in.

To address the point about meeting parents: I never wanted to introduce boyfriends to my parents, for reasons that are purely to do with my relationship with my parents and how introducing a boyfriend would be a negative. So on that point alone it might not be a red flag, however what IS a red flag is everything else that you have written about him.

Agree that it sounds like he's already married.

Or his family have nothing to do with him for reasons he doesn't want you to know.

Either way, the relationship does not sound good.

If he won't even proudly introduce you to his friends, then I do think it's more likely he has something to hide.

You feel uneasy.
Please listen to yourself.

I’m not sure why ‘not meeting his family’ is at the top of the list of problems here.

I hope your kids haven’t met him.

controlling, petulant

No shared kids? Walk away.

The kids and I knew him for 5 years before this friendship. I cant properly articulate how good he has been with the kids. Apart from the fact he is a man there are no SA alarm bells.
There is no criminal record.

His parents are deceased.

I asked to meet wider family and friends and that was clear. We could all travel to London quite easily, stay a week if needed and meet different people at different times. The family amd friends he speaks of/visits all seem normal - a variety of people.

The # of child free nights we have is my choice - not his.

The controlling part - he wont let us eat in his car. We had a four hour journey recently and no-one was allowed snacks. Thats odd (and its not like my car is minging).

Tells me my kids shouldnt be allowed in my bedroom (at all) or using the en suite.
My bedroom door must be closed when he is here (its not a very intimate r,ship due to my health) and he is always fully covered with pjs). He never saw his parents in bed wear and says children shouldnt.see adults in bed or bed wear.
Wont sleep with windows closed. As soon as I close them its huffing and moaning, tossing and turning.

Immature - i casually said he never calls me. He called the next day and said he was calling to make a point that he does call. Call history obvs doesnt lie.
Has a big issue with me adding salt to eg boiling rice, potato or pasta. Commenting on it for almost a year. I like it. Wont stop - so he says im not listening. I do listen. Just dont follow.

Took a right strop when i poured the bottom contents of the wine bottle into his glass. Seemingly as it was a cork, you shouldnt do that - ive been drinking wine with people all around the world for 22 years and had no idea! The strop though.

Emptying the tea/coffee stand in the hotel room - wtaf. I cant stand that. Had three nights away this year and did it on both ocassions. A tea bag costs pennies!

How long is it since you broke up with the previous immature and controlling man?

Seriously OP I think you need to stay single and do a lot of work on yourself as far as relationships are concerned. You might start with the Freedom Programme.

You have kids who, according to you, have already been damaged by your previous relationship. Please put them first and get rid of this man. There are so many red flags there. Maybe you can understand someone being NC with family but not to have a single friend seems a bit odd.

I do think though that the friends and family situation is the least of your worries.

if I was looking for a full relationship with a life together then yes, I would leave someone who only wanted me to be a tiny part of their life, locked over to one side and separate from everyone else they cared about.

I think you are right. Something to hide. I will never know. Ive already made my mind up to end it, just need to decide when.

This was my first thought

Okay, thank you.
I am on the list for the next freedom programme. I appreciate your steer.
Its bloody hard. He was SO convincing. Is very convincing to all my friends that he has met.... Very noticably caring, supportive etc. I guess the mask falls eventually.

Until you have done that freedom programme, I suggest you do NOT date, let alone have a boyfriend around your children