Never met OH friends or family - would you leave?

[Movingonup313]

I was close with a guy for 1 year prior to starting a r.ship with him. He was amazing during that 1 year. Since the relationship started at the end of 2025, he changed. Not so amazing. I suppose that in ltself is a worry.

But, to the question, I made it clear that I wanted to meet his friends/family. To substantiate his story/who he is etc. They are all circa a 9 hour drive from me. We can fly - it can be cheap and takes less time. 1 hr flight and 1 hour train from Lomdon. I have met no-one, not even on teams. Am I being silly in drawing a line through the r.ship based on that one request. I have children. We have holiday'd in the city/area where his friends/family are. All of my suggestions for how we can meet them have been turned down - time, cost, busy etc etc.

He wfh for a single employee business. No colleagues.
He has no online presence at all.
He has met them for various ocassions.
He lives near me.
I feel really uneasy.

Has anyone been in a similar situation and it worked out ok?

(As an aside he appears to be controlling, petulant and immature. I previously married a man, in similar circumstances (in terms of family/friends/online fp) and he almost destroyed me and our children.)

Excuse me?

I having been on the road to making this decision for a while. We are due to go away next weekend. I cancelled that as I knew what decision I was heading towards.

He has no stuff at mine to pack up.

Easy to be rude on a forum.

Does he travle back and just doenst take you or has he not been visiting either?

He has travelled back. Many times. Some longer spells. Some shorter. No pattern to it as far as I can tell.

Do his friends and family even know you exist?

Why are you so sure he was single when you got together?

Honestly this.
OP don’t you have any insight into the effect you pursuing this relationship is having on your children?
You’ve even alluded to it in your OP when you said about the damage a previous relationship with a man with similar traits did to them.
I was the child of a woman who sounds very much like you and your ‘priorities’ and I can tell you, without a shadow of a doubt, her ’choices’ around the men she brought into our lives (all the adjectives you used plus many more), has had a significant impact on me throughout my life (I’m in my late 40s).
Please, please if you won’t do it for yourself, do the right thing by your children and ditch this ‘man’.
Spend some time working on yourself and then, only once you’ve really ironed out the reasons why you have such a low bar when it comes to relationships and men, consider getting into another relationship.
edit: because my last sentence will probably get my reply deleted (as true as it might be)

I havent said he is unwilling to be with me. He isnt unwilling to be with me. He expresses he wants to see more of me. He moved 1 mile away to be closer to me. He was helping with school run (6 mins) whilst i was in hospital and recovering from surgery.

I cant confidently say they do know I exist.

I knew him and his ex partner and was in touch with both, post seperation. I suppose he could have kept quiet about a new partner..... as he has done with me.

I suppose there is scope for him to have another partner, amd have long spells of not seeing them.

He sounds more fussy than controlling and his habits often clash with yours. But not letting you meet his family and friends is just weird!

Why are you in a relationship with a man you describe as petulant, controlling and immature? That's the question you should be asking yourself!

Regarding petulant and immature - its traits that I see now and again. Eg if he feels challenged or if wrong about something - even something irrelevant that doesnt matter. He is never wrong, according to him. (He is, of course he is).

Re controlling - ive maybe used the wrong word. Another helpful poster said he sounded fussy rather than controlling.

To me, everyone has traits we dont like now and again. There are different things we wouldnt tolerate. The petulance and immaturity were rare and I could live with them. Although he denied my assessment of it. I couldnt be with a messy person, someone with smelly breath or someone who never ate healthy food, or a smoker. He has a lot of very good qualities, common interests and goals. He has looked out for the children and I - i felt he went beyond what a potential partner would do. Then it changed.

The family/friend thing was something important to me and I vocalised that quite regularly. On the other hand he made no attempts to bring this about and shot down attempts I made.

' Since the relationship started at the end of 2025'

why on earth has he met your children already !

How early did you introduce them ?

you've only been together 9 months ish...

Agreed. Red flags in abundance!

Christ, he sounds weird.

Had he been single/lived alone for a long period because he's developed some very strange ways/beliefs and doesn't seem capable of accepting that others think/.do things differently.

You feel uneasy because it’s dodgy as hell.
its possible he isn’t at all who you think…
id do a Clare’s law request and run a mile

Trust your instincts....they are telling you there is something wrong here. Something hidden or something. Trust yourself.

this is how I imagine someone would describe Jeffrey Epstein tbh

Are you scared of him? Like with the car - why didn’t you just say look it’s 4 hours we’re gonna need a snack. And have one?

Regarding petulant and immature - its traits that I see now and again. Eg if he feels challenged or if wrong about something - even something irrelevant that doesnt matter. He is never wrong, according to him. (He is, of course he is).

That's all the reason you need to throw this one back.

He has known us as neigbours since 2019. Then he moved away in 2023 when he and his partner seperated.

Why do you want to meet his family if you are having second thoughts about him? It sends the wrong message.

Have you done a Clares law request?
Maybe his family know things about him that he doesn't want you to find out; paedophile, violence, criminal activity.
Or maybe he's embarrassed about them; racist/vile/criminal.
Anyway he needs to give you a valid reason for not wanting you to meet them. His absence on SM could be a red flag- or he could be like me (private).

Have you done a Clares law request?

Why?

She doesn't like him very much.

That alone is enough to end a relationship. On top of that he's petulant and controlling. On top of that he's so abusive the OP is on a waiting list for the Freedom program.

They don't live together. All she has to do is WhatsApp him RIGHT NOW and tell him it's not working out and it's over.

Meeting is family and friends will up the level of entanglement, that's the opposite of what she's needs to do.

So what would a Clares law request achieve? The relationship is already dead.