Am I overreacting about my husband's work friend crossing the line?

[PithyCoralMentor]

Would love advice as to whether i am blowing things out of proportion or not.

I am 46, husband 48, married pretty much happily for 16 years. Two kids age 11 and 14. He works long hours in a high stress, corporate job in the city.

Over the last few years, he has become good friends with a big group of men and women at work. They go for boozy lunches, team nights out, and occasional parties at one of their houses where they all get v drunk. One other guy is his age, the others are 26-30ish. We are both v independent and i go out separately a lot as well as together and with joint friends. I have been beginning to find it slightly annoying as this group is always on whatsapp together, sharing jokes and sending each other pictures etc.

You probably already see where this is going. Recently one of this group, a 30 year old woman, Ive started to get a weird vibe about. For no concrete reason at all. I should say here that he has always had lots of female friends and ive never felt threatened - as he hasn't by my male friends.

BUT. This situation is different. Ive made a few comments about this person being his work wife etc, to which he hasnt really said much. Then for some reason on saturday we were both drunk and i started really questioning him about her - does he fancy her, etc. He then admits that at one of these mad parties about a year ago she said to him "Am i wrong in thinking there is something between us here". He claims he shut it down straight away and that was that. But crucially, he never told me.

I am now really upset about this as i didnt think we were that couple. He says it was truly nothing, never been mentioned since and didnt mention it to me because nothing to mention. But in the meantime, the group has all carried on as usual, drinking together etc and another big party a month ago.

He says he never would even think about doing anything and i think i do believe that, but it feels like a massive betrayal that he didnt tell me. I also know the group of them are going to keep having lunches and nights out together, and she will always be there. Dont even start me on what kind of person propositions their work 'friend' who is married with two kids...

Please share thoughts as i cant work out if im overreacting.

These sort of women often see the man as settled and stable - wife kids house

and they want that and don’t really care how they get it
of course the blokes got to go along with it

and generally flattery thinking someone likes you is always nice

OP says she parties a lot as well though. I don’t really get the pearl clutching around this. You’re not exactly dead at 48…

No. Socialising is socialising - whether it be boozy lunches or parties?!
Anyway, back to the matter in hand......

Reallly?
Fair enough if this is what socialising means to you.

Boozing at lunch time, and going to drunken parties with people young enough to be his children smacks more of a man with a drinking problem who hasn't grasped the fact he is 48 year old married man with children of his own.

The fact that his female colleague assumed he was looking for more than just a work friendship is very telling about how he comes over on these drinking binges.

Is your husband senior to these youngsters? If so, he really shouldn't be socialising with them to that extent. It's compromosing, especially if there's a lot of alcohol involved. The fact that someone overstepped a year ago proves it. Can't imagine similar hasn't happened since. If he's as trustworthy and honorable as you beieve him to be, he should take a step back, and if when the incident happened with his colleague that should have been a wake up call.

Brilliant observation