Anyone else struggling to make female friends after turning 50?

[Munchkinjack]

Hi all
I basically don't have any friends
I've just turned 50.
i would love a best friend for girly chats etc
my kids are grown up I have a dog and my partner is my best friend but I would love a female friend . I work from home. I get lonely .
My partner has lots of friends, he still lives in his home town . They are all men tbh and he has curry nights football nights etc . I had a friend, a drinking buddy and dog walking buddy but she sadly passed away a couple of years ago i miss her . I'm going to try a gym as I need to feel better about myself and more confident.. maybe I'll meet a friend there. Anyone else ? I feel it's just me like this .

Hi op my friend in a choir. I find I put up texts and nobody replied! I have a small circle now. Hard at our age isnt it. 2 are juggling elder parents so not that free. Im 53. I def find people more flaky now

Well I will try the gym as a start as I need to do more exercise anyway . I can't see any local book groups which is a shame choir and WI doesn't really interest me , I'll see how it goes . Thank you everyone for your opinion and advice ❤️

For 3 months: go out often as you can, attend every event that works with your diary, make a point of chatting pleasantly (but briefly) to as many people as possible, without expectation.

This above is excellent advice previously posted on a similar thread, so I can’t take the credit!

@sunnyfeet I’m curious to know what sort of events you’re thinking of?

@MeetMeOnTheCorner sorry I wasn’t clear enough about that. I don’t necessarily mean over 70s meeting new people. I am thinking of them as a group who experienced a better culture (if that’s the right word) around friendships and community. So maybe they have better established circles? I don’t know. My parents are/were very friendship and community oriented people so I was a bit more optimistic about that generation.

Yes. I’m the same. I lost a very dear friend.
I started a new job about three years ago and don’t have any friends there. I’m 56 and sometimes I feel very lonely despite having kids and a DH.

@EmeraldRoulette Well I thought I had but you get surprises all the time! My DD is getting married and me and DH have invited next to no-one. Her and fiance have invited 180 friends! It will be interesting to see how that pans out in 20 years! I won’t be around to know I expect but I was always gregarious and liked friend get togethers but it’s now so difficult to maintain anything.

So in terms of events...last week I went out to dinner twice with colleagues/ aqquaintences, attended a comedy night, been to 2 yoga classes, met 2 friends for a run ( spearately) and am out for a curry on Thursday. Not one of these things it wouldn't have in the moment felt easier and more comfortable to stay home.

@MeetMeOnTheCorner do you mean you have existing friends but they’ve fallen away?

@Neurodiversitydoctor I’m a bit confused by your post which suggests that you already have lots of people? Did you go to any of those things on your own? Not including the yoga class because I will assume that you went to that on your own 😂

people posting who have kids and a DH, I wonder if you’re also the sort of person who doesn’t want to befriend me because I don’t have either of those things. One thing that’s really surprise me about being this age is that married women often do not want to be friends with a single and I have actually found myself eyed with suspicion. Because that didn’t happen to me my whole life it was a shock to find it happening around the age of 50.

I went to the comedy night alone, to see one of the running buddies perform. Work dinners are work dinners, yoga classes as you would expect, the running buddies 1 I met running, 1 is an ex- neighbour.

@Neurodiversitydoctor but you know people? You had dinner with your colleagues, you know someone who was performing at the comedy thing, you go running with people.

@sunnyfeet was the one who said go out as much as possible for a while and I was just interested to hear the suggestions because I assumed they would be suggestions for somebody who was going on their own…

I’ve got myself in a muddle now 😂

I was really posting just to offer solidarity because I have tried absolutely everything with not much result. Not zero result, but ironically the one result I might have has come more out of luck than anything else.

Where abouts are u tree tree tree?

Ok maybe it was a bad example my point is none of these people are my bosom buddies, but getting out there is important. Most people have colleagues and neighbours surely ? Xmas eve is a good time to ask neighbours in, make your house trick n treat friendly at halloween, invite them for a BBQ in the summer or as another said coffee after a fitness class.

@Neurodiversitydoctor right okay

I have tried all of the things. I live in a tiny flat. I do have a good relationship with neighbours in the block. They are not up for socialising much. I have to say though, I think a single woman making their home trick or treat friendly would probably look odd! And all that would happen would be the kids would take sweets and the parents would smile and say hello which they do anyway.

none of this is a substitute for really close friends (which I used to have before lockdown, some of the usual suspect will have seen me document this a lot on here).

Anyway, I hope everyone who’s trying has more luck than I did.

I can't think of many over 50s women I know who would be interested in "girly chats". Why not go for a hobby or volunteering and then you will meet both men and women with similar interests?

Women in their fifties aren't girls anyway

I'm meeting a lot of really great women 50+ but we all seem to have the same problem -no bloody time to socialise! We're all sandwich carers with careers and nutty schedules. This year I have found some amazing women whom I've really connected with, and we've promised ourselves that we'll make an effort to meet up, but I think that as long as I'm a teacher, the only people I'll socialise with are my team, huddling around the photocopier.

@HollowBamboo What about in the holidays? Working full time leaves little time for anyone to meet up unless it’s after work, but you do have holidays. Does no one else work part time?

@EmeraldRoulette As DH and me have just nudged over 70, we have had friends. To explain more fully:

We’ve had great parties, neighbours in for drinks, New Year’s Eve dinners, pre Christmas get togethers, holidays with friends, we’ve been invited back too - by a few! Now, it’s like we live in a vacuum. People have moved away, become ludicrously political, got grandchildren: bit of an endless list really. We had friends via other parents at school but they were difficult to maintain at secondary level where we had less in common. People got divorced and move on.

We live in a tiny village and neighbours are a bit weird. When we arrived nearly 40 years ago it was a bit quirky. Now every aspect of your house is watched by the village “police” and we now just shut our gates. Should have moved of course! We have altered our house and quite a few neighbours objected to pp applications. Rather nasty comments too. So no friends around here - and we got our pp because it was reasonable, met local policies and we don’t overlook anyone.

We don’t have a pub which is a shame. I used to be on the village events committee and DH helped with village hall maintenance but some people here are never going to be friends of ours. I used to run the village ball. Anyway - it’s a life that’s gone.

I’m the same OP. Like you I don’t live in my hometown we moved years ago. I have my pets, my adult DC and my DP that is honestly it.

I’ve tried various things nothing has ever worked since I moved here over 20years ago. My old best friend back in my hometown is no longer my bff after being best friends for over 30years so I also miss her.

I have tried the WI. My local ones were not for me at all you need to try a few but I’ve found one that is ok and very supportive. Also I didn’t know until I joined there’s talks etc online you can also do so when I’m feeling really low I try one of those.

no advice how to make friends I’m afraid but it’s not just you. I’m in the SE.

What’s wrong with chats with your female friends? Isn’t that what being friends is about? Checking how each other is, hearing everyone’s good news or sad news, helping them through the low points and so on. That’s what a friend is to me.

I could have written your post. I would love a friend I could be messaging about my day and hearing about hers. I spend lots of time in my own and miss my best friend who died a few years ago. I go to the gym and do some of the other things suggested but the people there seem to know each other already and don’t need to make friends

No we don’t all have that. I have no colleagues as I’m unable to work due to my health. I had two nice neighbours when I moved in one in their 70s one in their 80s. My elderly neighbour now in her 90s is my friend but has health problems so I check on her. The 70year old man moved out to a bungalow and told me don’t worry it’s a young family. The young family I have tried with, the wife was lovely. But she’s now moved out so I’m left with the horrible husband and barking dogs that he’s not looking after properly. One other family has moved in after me they are yet to say hello it’s been three years, I just get glared at.

I would be friends with you! I was a lone parent and I was treated just the same in the school playground decades ago…one of the mums even told me us married mums don’t mix with you as you are single and might steal our husbands lol

I dont think all tennis clubs and yoga classes are friendly though..surely it depends who’s there!

Hi OP I’m mid-40s and realised a few years ago I had many acquaintances but no true friends, at least not locally.

So I made it my mission to find some! Here’s how I did it.

1. Get involved. I’m outdoorsy so joined a couple of biking / hiking groups.
2. Be bold. If you meet someone you click with, take the plunge and ask them for coffee / a walk / a drink etc
3. Go for one on ones over groups. I used the groups to initially meet people, but I find it takes one to ones to cement a friendship.
4. Look for people who have capacity for new friends. I met some lovely people where it was clear they already had too many friends!

It took me a decent length of time, like 5 years, but I now have 4 local people I’d classify as friends as opposed to acquaintances. Two I met through the hobby groups, one is a fellow school mum, one is a new neighbour who moved into my road.

Also don’t be afraid of rejection, accept not everyone will be your kind of person, and dial in on those who you sense a connection with, e.g. there’s 25 kids in my DC’s class but I’ve only made actual friends with one mum. (I’m friendly with others, but I don’t confuse that with actual friendship).

Good luck