I feel it was rude.

[1971girl]

Hi all. I went on a coffee date with a man today. I had matched with him on a dating site. We had spoken on the phone twice before and got on well. Anyway, during the coffee date we chatted really well for ages. One thing I did find very rude was that his sister phoned him and he took the call! He sat and chatted to her for 5 mins or so while I just sat there. It wasn't an emergency call. He was talking to her about a wedding she had been to. I think he does like me but I am not sure I felt a spark after meeting him. Am I over reacting to him chatting to his sister? I would never do this to anyone myself. Wtf.

So rude!! I wouldn’t see him again. It’s a subconscious message that he’s happy to waste your time and be inconsiderate.

He’s not for you. Keep looking.

Sounds like a boundary-tester to see how much disrespect you’ll put up with. I’m sure some men would be unaware that it was rude, but there are also many more who get a kick out of what they perceive as a bit of a power play.

@1971girl

Well done, OP. Smacked of terrible boundaries and family enmeshment.

Lucky escape!!

Well done op! It was rude behaviour. You weren’t even there for the duration of an evening meal; it was a brief coffee date fhs! If he can’t focus on you exclusively for that long then there’s a problem.

Agree

Rude. Glad you have opted out of this one.

@1971girl Well done. You understand why some men are single..If he can't even give you some undivided attention on a first date just think about what a life with such an egocentric pig would be like.

Yes true & when he then discovered it wasn't urgent he could quite simply have said politely to his sister "I'm in company with someone at the moment but I'll ring you back later & we can catch up on all your lovely news then"
This to me, would've been perfectly respectful & considerate of everyone's feelings...

Exceptionally? Really? Or is this more MN hyperbole?

If it was only 5 minutes he probably cut the call short. He wouldn’t want to be rude to his sister. The fact that it was a short call says a lot. If you like him forgive him.

Rude.

Phones should be switched off.

and out of sight.

Not on the table even if it's faced down.

Really?

Many people have kids... may need to get in touch, or an elderly relative. Or, tell your friend you are on a date and they get auto voicemail... not the smartest move.

Sure, I would not expect them to be scrolling FB while we chat, but no issues taking a call from family or close friends to check

Yes, really.

It's a date.

Attention to each other should be undivided.

You can turn your phone off for an hour or so, then get back to it when the date is over.

There are other situations where you're unable to respond to your phone.

E.g. certain jobs, (generally) when flying.

So what happens then?

The "emergency" would then have to wait.

My ex sister-in-law used to get a friend to ring her whenever she visited us, so that she could use that call as an excuse to leave. It was so obvious, I’d laugh.

In a date situation, I’d assume a call was pre-arranged as a way to end the date. I’m cynical like that!

Flying is outside my control - if my kids rang, I would answer. If my mum rang I would answer... how would I know if it's just a 'chat' or she has had a fall and needs help. Would never live with myself if it was the later and I had my phone off for a date!

If they monologue about themselves they don’t deserve another date! You’ve done the right thing.

Yes, exceptionally. Is comprehension hard for you?

Longer than five minutes would bother me. At the same time, he already HAS a relationship with his sister, but doesn’t have one yet with you.

I did that when doing service desk calls in a company and phoned a number to make my line 'busy' so i couldnt take any incoming calls !

Which is fair enough, so long as you accept that you have shown him that you are ok with being treated like this. You are ok with being treated as if his time is more valuable than yours. You are ok with being expected to just sit and wait until he is ready to continue spending time with you.

I am taking the time to reply, hoping that you had just not thought this through enough. I’d be very sorry if someone was genuinely ok with being treated in this way.

which is it?

Well done @1971girl

It would have been my first and last date.

Who would want to teach an ignorant grown up man basic manners.

I will answer you although I find your tone rude.
I personally would put it down to an error of judgement on his part and would give him another chance
That's just me - the OP has decided differently and that's fine too.

The OP asked what people thought. I gave my opinion as have you.

If you reply to this I won't be responding.

Maybe I'm different but I wouldn't find it rude 😬.
Might be a time difference where she is idk
It was only 5 mins, it wasn't a mate. It was his sister. I'd always answer a call to my brother or sister 🤷🏻‍♀️
My sister has stage 4 cancer and is very sick. I'll take any opportunity to answer the phone.

This is one of these things, if you like him you’d say it was only 5 mins and nice of him to show interest in his sisters life, great they have a good relationship and he only took five mins, maybe he’s normally on the phone 30.

and if you don’t like him he’s a rude bastard that needs blocking.

5 mins to be honest, wouldn’t bother me, I’d feel that was a short call.