I feel it was rude.

[1971girl]

Hi all. I went on a coffee date with a man today. I had matched with him on a dating site. We had spoken on the phone twice before and got on well. Anyway, during the coffee date we chatted really well for ages. One thing I did find very rude was that his sister phoned him and he took the call! He sat and chatted to her for 5 mins or so while I just sat there. It wasn't an emergency call. He was talking to her about a wedding she had been to. I think he does like me but I am not sure I felt a spark after meeting him. Am I over reacting to him chatting to his sister? I would never do this to anyone myself. Wtf.

Yes, but then he could have spoken briefly and ended the call after 30 seconds, apologising to the op for the interruption. No need to chat happily away ignoring the op for 5 minutes

Yes rude

Exactly.

I would consider this slightly rude, but it wouldn't really bother me. If I liked him in other ways it wouldn't put me off going on another date.

Well, obviously. So why would you think that would be why I mentioned it?

I asked, becuse she said she wasn’t sure why he acted that way if he was trying to impress her. If he didn’t pay for the date - then he clearly wouldn’t have been trying to impress her.

Incredibly rude, especially on a first date when he should be on his very best behaviour.

Maybe he’s not that into you, so he didn’t care about taking the call.

How would that excuse being rude? Just becuase you don’t fancy someone you are on a date with doesn’t mean you get to act like a knob.

People saying they’d give this another chance is because we’ve been conditioned to accept the bare minimum.

If you went out for a coffee catch up with your girl friend and she chatted on the phone to her sister during it for five minutes without so much as a sorry, would you think that was ok? Of course not! So why on earth would you accept that from a guy in a first date who should be on his best behaviour? Madness.

”Oh but what if the sister is going through a tough time?” Unless she’s recently bereaved or suicidal, still not an excuse. And if it was something like that, you say “excuse me, I’m really sorry I need to take this call” and when you return to the table you apologise again.

Totally agree. I sent him a message today saying that I felt he didn't reciprocate the interest i showed in his life and kids and also him sitting chatting during our date threw me. I would never do that on a friend never mind a date! Thank you. X

I'm taking no shit from a man in my life again.

I thought he was a bit of a Mary Lou sitting chatting to his sister tbh.

Well done O.P.
Will you let us know what he replies!

Pretty rude tbh.

Isn't this standard practice these days though? People are conditioned to react to their phones as if their lives depended on it. The amount of times I've been in the middle of a conversation with someone only for them to answer their phone and chat about the price of plums with someone else for 10 minutes or so. People are so inextricably wired to technology that they have no concept of 1 on 1 conversations or basic manners any more. Human brains have altered as a consequence and I'm not joking.

Darn straight.

I realised I was in the habit of making up possible excuses for crappy behaviour and now I check myself because - IF they have a valid reason then why aren’t they recognising that their behaviour could be misconstrued and apologising and explaining themselves so that they aren’t misunderstood?

A normal person who gives a shit about people knows fine well how rude it is to do that. He was relying on you just making excuses for it. What other kind of behaviour would he expect you to just swipe under the rug in future?

So now instead of looking for excuses when people do something questionable, I ask myself

• would I think that was an acceptable thing to do?
• if not, but if I actually had valid reasons for doing it, how would I makes sure the other person knew that so they were not upset or inconvenienced?
• Do they bother to do that.
• Do they apologise if they do something that could be perceived as unacceptable.
• Do they repeat the same behaviour in future after that?

Hold people to the standards you would hold yourself to. If they can’t or won’t communicate to save you discomfort, they aren’t suitable acquaintances, let alone partners. It might not be malice. They could just be inconsiderate. Either way, not partner material.

Fine to take a very quick call or an emergency call. Not fine to chat. But some people do! I had two good friends who used to chat on the phone for 10 minutes or so while I was out with them and didnt apologise.

I blocked him as soon as he read my message. Couldn't b3 bothered with his ewply. X

I blocked him as soon as he read my message. Couldn't be bothered with his reply. X

Well done on getting rid

Yeah it is a bit rude on the first date he should have just said sorry Sarah can't talk now I'll call you later.

Maybe he's too used to being on his own?
Maybe they are a super close family so it's not weird to him?
I would give him another chance x

Keep us posted with his response

Yeah it's a bit rude, did he say sorry? I wouldn't say it was the end of the world. Personally I wouldn't pick up unless I thought it was urgent.

I always apologise to friends if I have to take a call and I either don't answer or get rid of the person ringing me quickly.

Very rude. I would not see him again.