Should I give a genuinely nice man a chance without strong attraction?

[TheCleverGreySheep]

Hi there, I just wanted some other peoples thoughts as I’m forever choosing the wrong man to date….. I came out of a nine year relationship two years ago and I feel like ever since I’ve just got into a cycle of meeting men that just after one thing….. obviously I don’t give them what they are hoping for, but I feel like that that’s what I am attracting most of the time. Just recently, I have met someone who is the complete opposite. He isn’t necessarily my type on paper looks wise , however he is so kind and caring, I can tell he is genuinely a really decent human, he asks me stuff no other man has in a long time ! he asked me out a few times and I keep putting it off because I’m worried that maybe he is too nice if that makes sense in a weird way ? Do you think I should just go for it? I mean attraction isn’t always the main focus is it… I just feel like I may lose a good thing if I don’t give him a chance would you go for the good guy even if the initial attraction isn’t there at first glance ? I’m just so overwhelmed with finding the right one.

I would. He might have a massive...personality.

Maybe. Is he a total no no looks wise or aren't you sure?

You may as well see what happens, what have you got to lose? He sounds like a good man and they’re hard to find in the dating pool.

Not one man I ever dated floated my boat from the start on looks alone. I got to know them better and they became attractive to me. So I wouldn’t write him off yet, you’ll know before too long whether it’s going to grow. If it doesn’t though, that’s ok sometimes it’s just not there. Listen to your gut.

This has just happened to me. I gave him a chance and fell pretty hard … I don’t normally let people in. I trusted him and felt safe … then he dumped me 😂🙈. Give it a go and see what happens, I don’t regret it.

Go on a few dates and see how you feel! Attraction may grow once you know him.

Definitely as attractive is as attractive does to a large degree.

@Definitelygoing

not a total no… he’s just not my “usual go to’’ type if you get me

OP, give him a chance by all means, but remember, “a gentleman is a patient wolf “

I’d have a few dates as long as you don’t find him completely unattractive as it can grow.
I had one of these very nicey nicey ones who I thought would be a bit tame for me, and turns out they were absolute dynamite in the sack. Just saying…

I don't know @TheCleverGreySheep. DH was kind, loyal, moral, intellectual and drop dead gorgeous. Previous boyfriends who "grew on me" and where familiarity made attraction grow also eventually bred contempt and the nicrness of familiarity was never enough.

Too many women end up desperately unhappy because they "settled".

id go for it if I was you!! If you haven’t met him yet have you FaceTimed? When I started chatting to my partner, we text back and forward for 2/3 weeks. He’d sent me several (bloody awful) pictures and I was like no I don’t fancy him, nearly blew him off. one day we FaceTimed and my opinion completely changed!! That was 9 months ago and I always think to myself “imagine I’d binned him off without giving him a chance” worse comes to worse you don’t like him and move on

There’s a difference between settling and giving a deeper connection a chance to grow. Sounds like he’s worth giving that chance.

Definitely give him a chance.

i met a lovely guy recently, but it was a complete no unfortunately as I actually couldn’t fancy him in any way, and the more I tried to think maybe I’ll start to fancy him the more repulsive I found him. 😂

then I met a complete arsehole and got complete fanny flutters!!!!! I avoided him too as I’ve learnt my lesson with that 😂

He might be a very nice man but if you're not attracted to him, I don't think he's the one for you. I don't understand the 'too nice' comment, surely you want someone nice? Or do you mean he tries too hard and comes across a bit needy?

Give him a chance. As you get to know someone, attraction can develop and going for men ‘your type’ hasn’t been working. Maybe you’ve been too focussed on initial physical attraction in the past rather than getting to know a man and being attracted to his values and personality and how he treats you.

I went for a man of the type i didnt usually go for, and it worked out fabulously for me so I can definitely vouch for it.

I went for someone lovely but unattractive (to me). I fought against it because he was absolutely not someone I saw myself with. But I’m so glad I got over myself. Have been together 20 years now.

Yes definitely give it a try. In the past I have found once I got to know someone I'd be attracted to them even if I wasn't initially. No need to flog a dead horse, if you date for a while and there is no spark then give it up, but worth a try.

If he isnt pure ugly I wld give him a few dates. But if he didnt grow onme I wouldnt

Yes, you've nothing to lose and everything to gain!

This. Take a chance. Go out for a date.
Keep us posted.
X

Before I met DH I was going out with a really nice man who physically wasn’t my type.. I did end it because I just didn’t fancy him. Like a week later who walked in to cover a shift at my pub? My how husband who’s just as nice and just my type. I would say, if you don’t fancy him finish it, but I am very biased due to personal experience but I genuinely think God dropped my husband out of the sky and right into that pub.

No. Leave him be.

I would give him a chance.
Attraction really can grow if you end up falling for him.