Should I give a genuinely nice man a chance without strong attraction?

[TheCleverGreySheep]

Hi there, I just wanted some other peoples thoughts as I’m forever choosing the wrong man to date….. I came out of a nine year relationship two years ago and I feel like ever since I’ve just got into a cycle of meeting men that just after one thing….. obviously I don’t give them what they are hoping for, but I feel like that that’s what I am attracting most of the time. Just recently, I have met someone who is the complete opposite. He isn’t necessarily my type on paper looks wise , however he is so kind and caring, I can tell he is genuinely a really decent human, he asks me stuff no other man has in a long time ! he asked me out a few times and I keep putting it off because I’m worried that maybe he is too nice if that makes sense in a weird way ? Do you think I should just go for it? I mean attraction isn’t always the main focus is it… I just feel like I may lose a good thing if I don’t give him a chance would you go for the good guy even if the initial attraction isn’t there at first glance ? I’m just so overwhelmed with finding the right one.

Give him a chance. But if no attraction develops quick then no.. you have to be attracted otherwise it’s friendship. It’s very hard maintaining a sex life without that

Some women are fundamentally attracted to guys who they know aren’t good for them. It turns them on like nothing else. Nice guys just don’t do it.

You may be one of them and it may require more than just giving a nice bloke a chance and hoping it all works out.

💯 OP. Took me a while with my DH but glad didn’t write him off in early days. Looks fade and need to think about how amazing it could be to have no drama, or sex mad eejit!

Why not? You don't have to commit to a long term relationship, just go on a few dates and see if the attraction builds.

Looks don’t fade when you’re attracted to someone completely.

Go on a date or two and see how you feel.

I have to say though, in my experience, if the connection on a physical and mental level isn't there at the start; it isn't there at all.

You don't want to start off knowing this could potentially become a 'housemate' situation that may be difficult to resolve further down the line.

BUT 'don't judge a book by it's cover' either! He might be a hot lover! 😁

I would leave it, let him find someone that will truly appreciate him.

You clearly favour looks over everything else, which is probably leading you to a certain type of man, which he is not.

No wonder so many women struggle to find a nice guy if they are this shallow!

Sorry for being blunt but this is crazy. Are you expecting someone to tick all your boxes like looks, finances, kids, job, hobbies, personality etc... cos let me tell you, the chances of finding that person are 1 in a million!

You need to compromise on something normally, unless its a real red flag (i.e smoker, you have 18/20yo and he has 2/4yo etc...)

The person is the most important thing. There has to be something there but I have learnt after many years, a person I can connect with and feel emotion for yet is not my normal or perfect physical type is far prettier than the stunner drop dead gorgeous type with no connection!

My longest relationship since divorce is with someone who doesnt tick many boxes looks wise but emotionally, never had anyone like it. Of course if they look awful (half teeth missing, bad breath, dont wash or are just very ugly) fair enough but I would not reject anyone who looked normal!

I see there youve got "some" and "all'" mixed up. Its an easy mistake to make.

It's a difficult position your in OP, but take him on a date and see what happens. If he smashes the pub up or offers to take the landlord outside because he's look at "me bird" then theres hope yet.

He might surprise you with a curfew tag

😂

Agreed 🫶🏻

I wasn’t initially attracted physicallyto the man I am now with/dad bod whereas ex was ripped and impossibly handsome.
But he was so lovely -had a very sweet smile, and by the second date (fourth time of meeting as we met in RL) I wanted to tear his clothes off and still do 18 months later as he is the best in bed and has a very large …personality 😂😂😂😂

Didn't work for me
I met someone years ago who I really didn't fancy, he was so nice, funny and kind and laughed me into bed I spent years with him ( he thought I was the prettiest girl ever ) which yes is great but not when our relationship broke down and the shit bag stalked me for 9 months... Be wary

Definitely give it a go, you never know what might happen. I did not fancy my husband at first but he was (is!) such a nice guy, we had a lot in common and he made me laugh so much. He asked me out and I said no but he persisted and now we have been together for 20 years!

I married my not my usual type if thats any help 😂

I think you should get to know him as a friend ie don't force yourself to be physical if you're not feeling it, tell him you want to take it slowly. But give it time, attraction can definitely grow. If it doesn't, hopefully your friendship will remain.

Worked for me. I had to overcome even little icks with mine, but after not seeing him last week I really have the hots. And of course a considerate man makes the BEST lover. You've got to find out if he's that man😉

I mean attraction isn’t always the main focus is it....well no, if you just want a friendship or a fairly sexless relationship.

I think you're suffering from a low self-esteem or a lack of options OP, because if you did have a lot of options, you wouldn't even consider this man. Like come on, you have to at least feel a bit of a spark or interest when you look at him!! How do you think you're going to feel kissing him or giving him a blow job???

So absence from him has given you the hots for him? I think that's a bad sign, personally.

If your “usual type” is a dickhead, then what is there to lose?

Worth exploring, maybe take it slowly and see what you have in common and if the attraction builds.

I think you should absolutely give him a chance. If you don't meet each other in person 1 to 1 then how are you going to know if the chemistry is there? If there is no spark after a couple of dates, then it probably isn't going to work, but at least have a try.

Have you met him f2f yet?

If he’s not your usual type I would go for it. If you find him repulsive or ugly it’s a hard no

My DH wasn’t my usual type, on any front. Best decision I ever made giving him a chance xx

Yes I wondered about the "has asked me out several times" in the OP- did you actually say no thanks OP and he carried on asking, or just "I can't make that day" which would make keeping asking more justified?