Should I give a genuinely nice man a chance without strong attraction?

[TheCleverGreySheep]

Hi there, I just wanted some other peoples thoughts as I’m forever choosing the wrong man to date….. I came out of a nine year relationship two years ago and I feel like ever since I’ve just got into a cycle of meeting men that just after one thing….. obviously I don’t give them what they are hoping for, but I feel like that that’s what I am attracting most of the time. Just recently, I have met someone who is the complete opposite. He isn’t necessarily my type on paper looks wise , however he is so kind and caring, I can tell he is genuinely a really decent human, he asks me stuff no other man has in a long time ! he asked me out a few times and I keep putting it off because I’m worried that maybe he is too nice if that makes sense in a weird way ? Do you think I should just go for it? I mean attraction isn’t always the main focus is it… I just feel like I may lose a good thing if I don’t give him a chance would you go for the good guy even if the initial attraction isn’t there at first glance ? I’m just so overwhelmed with finding the right one.

Well, your usual "go to" types aren't working out, so maybe he deserves a chance. A few dates isn't committing to marriage, so why not give it a try?

By the way, if you're only communicating virtually and haven't met him in person for a date, then there's no way you can judge yet that he's a 'perfectly nice guy'.

I did. Went for the complete opposite of my usual ‘type’. Will say I found it difficult sometimes as he treated me very differently to previous partners. Thought he was attractive but none of the usual fireworks initially for me. Been together 25 years now.

No way. I did this and he turned not to be so genuinely nice after all. Also, the fact that I didn’t really fancy him put a strain on everything. I would not recommend this.

5 years ago I met a man on Match, not an instant attraction his looks were not what I usually go for. However he's turned out to be the best man I've ever known, thoughtful, kind, loving. Sometimes the original attraction wears off if someone treats you badly, this relationship has had the opposite effect I wouldn't change him for the world. I say give this man a try

I'm demisexual and do this all the time. I don't feel any sexual attraction until I know someone much better, so if someone seems nice and we have a nice conversation and get on well, I start dating them. I realised a few weeks in with current DP that I was really attracted to him, but I said yes on the dating app due to his field of work and his doctorate sounded interesting. But the guy I dated for a while before him, he was a lovely guy but I gave it about 5 dates before I called it a day, as I wasn't sure I was going to find the attraction. I'd give it a go, and just get to know him better.

What do you think @TheCleverGreySheep?

Demisexual? As in old-fashioned heterosexuality, where you want to get to know someone before sleeping with them?

I'd give it a go and see what happens.

Not really, as in I don't feel any attraction. Other people tell me they could look at someone and think that they're hot, I just don't get that. It'd be different if I thought someone was attractive, and then I dated them and waited to move onto intimacy, but I date people and then find out if an attraction will develop.

No because there’s someone out there who’ll see him and automatically feel something. I wouldn’t want to date someone who secretly was hoping at some stage they’d feel a spark! Not to mention if your gut said to say no that’s your answer.

Thanks everyone 🤗

Definitely give him a chance. No serious relationship that’s ever been great for me has been instant attraction.

See what he’s like on a few dates and see if your interests match. You don’t have to marry him!! Just get to know the guy. Good luck!!