Are these comments about women a red flag in my relationship?

[Terradelyssa]

This might sound like a weird one.

Been together with boyfriend going on 15 months. I'm mid forties, he's mid fifties. So far so good. Nothing bad really to speak of. We enjoy each other's company, share similar interests and sense of humour and looking to the future, talking about sharing a place.

I do have a niggle though. I don't want to say misogyny, but it's bugging me badly.

A couple of months back, he sent a GIF joke to me on WhatsApp showing a rather obese woman jumping off a yacht, causing a kind of tidal wave and then the yacht basically capsizing. I really didn't see the point of it at all. He said it was doing the rounds at work, I told him it was horrible and sexist to boot. He apologized for sending it.

The next incident was not long after that. We were out with his son and his girlfriend and he made a really crass joke about her breasts. She was wearing one of those tops that shows lots of side boob and the joke was about her always keeping abreast of fashion or something along those lines.

We all told him off but he couldn't see an issue.

Then last night we started watching an old series on iPlayer and one of the characters is commenting about a particular woman, thinking she is much younger, as in in her twenties and she is definitely in her fifties or later... She's a ghost by the way, it's also a comedy... and ghost lady is delighted to overhear this comment... and boyfriend says "NO WAAAYYYY would anyone think that. COME ONNNNNN!!! " Missing the joke in that moment and in my opinion, the tone in which he said it, being very nasty a nd derogatory.

Are these red flags?

Yes

Yes.

Yes.

How old is his son and the son’s GF?

Yes. Sorry.

Yes commenting on his sons gf breasts 🤢

Yes. And he also sounds boring and a bit thick, with a crap sense of humour.

I have zero tolerance for fatphobia. Making jokes that belittle and dehumanise a group of people when those jokes would not be seen as OK if being made about any other group of people.

But the comment about the girlfriend’s breasts is creepy and in no way OK.

Also agree with the fatphobia comment it says a lot about a man. You don’t have to be attracted to everyone but making unkind and crude comments at another’s expense says much more about that person. Definitely get out now he sounds like an arse

Yes.

The GIF joke would have put me right off on its own. Not just because of the misogynistic fat phobia, but because he got it from a work group chat.

I question the values of anyone who is party to that sort of joke in the workplace, and I wouldn’t want to worry about my partner potentially being sacked for such stupid and offensive behaviour.

They're both mid twenties

He does a manual job and I've met a few of his colleagues. One is an alcoholic, another can't say a single sentence without the f word and is a huge homophobe and another hasn't got a nice word to say about anyone else.

It seems he feels comfortable showing his true self which is not a nice man

Yes

Oh love, why stoop that low?

You say you share the same sense of humour but these instances show you don’t.

You need to end it.

"So far so good. Nothing bad really to speak of.........and looking to the future, talking about sharing a place.
I do have a niggle though. I don't want to say misogyny, but it's bugging me badly."

Re-read what you wrote above...it's NOT so far so good, and there IS bad to speak of. Don't even think about moving in with this prick. I'd suggesting splitting up, he's not the one for you.

They are red flags.

I can't stand fat-phobia either, having struggled with my weight for most of my adult life.

The comments about his son's girlfriend's breasts are creepy and sleazy. How embarrassing!

He sounds misogynistic and rather dim. It doesn't sound to me as though you share the same sense of humour. You clearly didn't find his "jokes" funny, and they aren't.

if you do really share the same humour then you are a good match

Yes, they are.

Most definitely.

I don't think the last example is a red flag...noticing someone doesn't pass for being in their 20s rather than 50s, is just something most people with eyesight will do!
But the comment on his Son's GF breasts is disgusting and would definitely not sit well with me - no comments whatsoever about a person's body shape/size are necessary.

Making a comment about his sons girlfriends breasts would have been it for me.

The 'joke' wasn't funny, the TV programme fairly harmless but the comment about his sons girlfriends breasts was over familiar and very creepy as well as being extremely embarrassing for her. Honestly OP l think you can do a lot better than this, he sounds like he's stuck in the 70s !

I this pc world humour is discouraged . On that basis I would end it.

The third example isn't so bad. If the woman genuinely looked 50+ then he was just stating the obvious.

The GIF, I wonder why he even sent it to you. Did he really think you'd find it amusing?

The comment to the son's gf was the worst. He shouldn't be thinking about her breasts, let alone commenting on them. Poor woman probably dreads seeing her bf's father now.

This man would be too sleazy for me to want to continue dating him.