Are these comments about women a red flag in my relationship?

[Terradelyssa]

This might sound like a weird one.

Been together with boyfriend going on 15 months. I'm mid forties, he's mid fifties. So far so good. Nothing bad really to speak of. We enjoy each other's company, share similar interests and sense of humour and looking to the future, talking about sharing a place.

I do have a niggle though. I don't want to say misogyny, but it's bugging me badly.

A couple of months back, he sent a GIF joke to me on WhatsApp showing a rather obese woman jumping off a yacht, causing a kind of tidal wave and then the yacht basically capsizing. I really didn't see the point of it at all. He said it was doing the rounds at work, I told him it was horrible and sexist to boot. He apologized for sending it.

The next incident was not long after that. We were out with his son and his girlfriend and he made a really crass joke about her breasts. She was wearing one of those tops that shows lots of side boob and the joke was about her always keeping abreast of fashion or something along those lines.

We all told him off but he couldn't see an issue.

Then last night we started watching an old series on iPlayer and one of the characters is commenting about a particular woman, thinking she is much younger, as in in her twenties and she is definitely in her fifties or later... She's a ghost by the way, it's also a comedy... and ghost lady is delighted to overhear this comment... and boyfriend says "NO WAAAYYYY would anyone think that. COME ONNNNNN!!! " Missing the joke in that moment and in my opinion, the tone in which he said it, being very nasty a nd derogatory.

Are these red flags?

Looking to criticise me in a snide way… on your moral high ground… okaaay.

I wasn’t being snide. I genuinely thought you had the wrong thread. My second comment was taking the piss incredulously.

Because I genuinely can’t see how “giving him a leaflet” would help. What sort of leaflet? What on? I’m genuinely asking, not being snide.

@AnitaCam And I meant to add, I don’t know what you mean by the OP’s “culture” and why you think that is different to her BF’s.

Why did he get divorced?
Anyway no further analysis needed.
Don't lower yourself to this.
There is no excuse.
And anyone who is still at work saying he can't see the issue...no.
What he means is he doesn't care.
He'll go on being demeaning and insulting and belittling about women for amusement because that's what they are there for. Innit.

Bloody hell . No. I don’t think any of that is a ‘red flag’ . Not unless you expect every man to be politically correct in all ways. The jumping off the yacht gif - just stupid. The ‘keeping abreast of fashion’ - I may of made that one when one of my mid 20s kids decided to go out with their boobs on view . As for the last one. No idea . Just couldn’t be bothered to get excited..
However I am clearly in the minority on here. I am not on the constant hyper-vigilant lookout for ‘red flags’ and can just accept that people - both male and female can sometimes say stupid things .

That said. You don’t need to be with anyone you don’t want to be. If you’ve gone off him just call it. No need to make a song and dance about it.

The comment about his son's girlfriend is disgusting. Can you imagine how uncomfortable she felt. He's a pig.

Deffo Red Flag!
Mainly because he doesn't understand why it is sleazy and low grade. Because he doesn't get it he will never change.

That’s disgusting all round but his comments about his son’s gf are vile. Please dump this creep.

"You are known by the type of company you keep" is a quote from some literary source (don't know where), but it is very very true. Dump him.

Setting aside the misogynistic stuff.

He's clearly thick as pigshit.
So thick he doesnt have the critical thinking skills to go 'hmm actually, is that thought ive had sexist'
So thick he doesnt think 'hmm, saying this might make me look bad'
So thick he doesnt think 'hmm, thought of a joke but of course I wouldnt want to make this woman feel uncomfortable for making a comment about her breasts, AND im her boyfriends dad AND im older and she's younger. That would cone across really creepy so I wouldnt want to say anything'

You need to think about why you didnt get the ick first time.
My question to you is, what else might you be missing in terms of red flags because its normalised 'men' behaviour in our society that quite often people write off as 'noones perfect' and then in hindsight go 'actually, that was a red flag'

To be honest I read the title and said yes - if you are bothered enough to make a post you know the comments are a massive red flag
If youposted for validation to end the relationship, you have it in spades

This.

He sounds gross, but he isn't 'way too old' for OP if she is mid forties and he is mid fifties.

You sound lower middle class, he sounds working class. Unfortunately, there’s likely to be continued conflict until he can swap his copy of the Sun for the daily mail and step up in the world

Is Daily mail middle class? Yikes.

This 😂
honestly OP, commenting on sons girlfriends boobs is shocking. That would be the end for me.

I mean, it’s literally from the program ghosts, I know the exact bit. And he is not saying the wrong thing over that, it’s stupid that’s all point. That’s a really weird red flag, the other two are horrible though.

Oddly enough I’m voting no on this one. I did think yes for the second one until you told me the joke, it was to be fair quite witty. And let’s not pretend none of us have called out some one for lying about their age. Fat joke was a bit outa its time to be fair but honestly nah these things on their own wouldn’t bother me tbh.

And I’ve dumped a guy solely because I thought he didn’t like women before. Just on the basis that he used the word terf and spoke down about feminists.

I think you need to bin this one fast. As others have said, he sounds thick, unpleasant, and sleazy. The comment about his son's girlfriend speaks volumes. If he's like this now, he will likely get far worse once the relationship is more established and he's really comfortable.
You can do so much better OP.