Boyfriend's creepy comment

[Gutfeelingoverload]

Name changed as mortified.
I've been told I need a colonoscopy and will need someone to pick me up and stay with me afterwards overnight. I asked my boyfriend and he made a "joke" about being able to do what he likes to me when sedated.
It repulsed me and I told him it was a bit sinister that he'd said that. We've been together for several years but not living together. He's fine most of the time but occasionally comes out with comments like this which I find unsettling and a massive turn off. He then goes into a mood when I complain. Each time this happens he goes down in my estimation. What would you do?

Dump him - he sounds a bit Dominic Pelicot if you ask me.

Dominic Pelicot was what sprang to my mind too.

Gross 🚩🚩🚩

I'm not surprised it repulsed you - it's a repulsive thing to joke about, particularly to someone who is about to have invasive investigations that can leave you feeling very vulnerable at the best of times. He sounds like he doesn't understand how to be a supportive partner at best, and like a creepy sex offender-in-waiting at worst.

Fucking hell dump him.

It sounds as though he has heard about these dreadful cases of women being drugged and assaulted and he finds them sexually arousing. Any decent guy would be appalled at the thought of assaulting a woman whilst sedated and he obviously isn't.
To be quite honest this would really worry me if I were you OP.

I agree, it has left me with a very bad feeling.

Very fucking creepy. Why on earth would his mind go there? The mood when you complain is defensiveness and that’s just another red flag.

I’d get rid altogether but if you don’t, at least ask someone else to pick you up after the procedure.

At best, this is a joke - one that’s so grim, given the recent crime busts that have cast a light on just how many women this has happened to - and somehow he thinks it’s funny to crack jokes about.

At worst, there’s a chance of hiding in plain sight and he’s given you a glimpse of a hidden part of himself.

If you don’t resolutely trust and love this guy, I’d think about ending it.

Really not nice. Even if he had no intention whatsoever of doing such a thing and that is most likely to be the case) it's still SO not the sort of thing that should be springing to his mind as an answer. Really ick and cruel sense of humour. He sounds like a dick, You already knew it, All good wishes for your colonoscopy (you will be fine). Stop ignoring your inner voice (it is there to protect you from idiots). There are other, nicer fish in the sea.

Yes very creepy. What are the other little things that have unsettled you?

"He's fine most of the time but occasionally comes out with comments like this which I find unsettling and a massive turn off. He then goes into a mood when I complain."

So many red flags.

1. He has form for this
2. He sulks when you complain about what is quite frankly, diabolical behaviour, and -
3. This is what men do to try to 'train' women to not speak up about their poor behaviour

Get rid of this absolute breadbin because 4) he sounds like a predator because he most probably is.

People don't say things that they don't think. At some point in his fucked up mind, he has had those thoughts. And despite knowing you find these comments unsettling, he persists in saying them - including at a time when you are facing an unpleasant procedure which will leave you in an incredibly vulnerable state.

Run and don't look back.

I hope your procedure goes well and you have someone caring to look out for you afterwards, OP.

This is one of those moments that define a relationship. That's not a joke. He told you what he would do to you if he could get away with it.

Any man who said one thing about raping me after sedation for a medical procedure would be dumped. Trust and safety in a relationship are important to me and men who make comments about raping their partner aren't joking, they're exposing their mindset. They are not trustworthy nor safe.

You said something about his rapey comment to him and he has the nerve to sulk like you've done something wrong. That's DARVO and its him being offended on being called on being sexually inappropriate. He doesn't enjoy being accountable for his words.

This!!

I’m wondering if legions of men, after reading about the case, have happily gone down a rabbit-hole of sedated-rape porn online…

I think you need to find someone else who can collect you and keep an eye on you as a matter of priority.

Oh, get someone else to pick you up and stay with you.

You wont dump him. The end

Jokes about assault are a very bad sign, in my opinion. Says something about the person’s values and how they see women, even if what they’re joking about is not something they would ever actually do.

Nobody would ever say anything like that unless it was something that was lurking in the recesses at the back of their mind already. He is revolting. It really is a dumping offence. I couldn't have a relationship with someone who ever said that out loud.

A couple of things - I had a colonoscopy a couple of weeks ago. Uncomfortable but IMO no need for sedation. Didnt even use gas/air. It's not that bad (well, having a stranger shove stuff up your bum is a bit weird but when they cut the polyps and you can see on the screen it's weird!). So no need for sedation?

People are different - me and my friends have a dark humour, would shock many people but it is just that. My DP shares similar humour, so if that joke was made between us it would genuinely be laughed off - we have both joked about stuff to each other that (going by the comments on this and other threads) would seem OTT/out of order. But thats the way we are - it works for us. But, if I was with someone more sensitive then no, you do not joke about things that could upset someone or make them feel uncomfortable

I had sedation and was out for 15 minutes . Stayed in hospital for an hour after and went home in a Uber because there was nobody to pick me up or stay with me. I had a neighbour if I needed anybody which I didn't and was fine .

Hmmmm, how much further down do you think your estimation needs to go before you are prepared to dump him?

Get rid of him. Why are you even contemplating staying with him?

I've had a few colonoscopies recently and always take sedation. It leaves you very vulnerable.

Please don't put yourself at risk.