Would you mind being expected to take the wall side of the bed?

[Newstartplease24]

If your partner (don’t live together but visit each others’ houses) set up his double bed with one side along a wall, in a big room where it didn’t need to be - and had recently been moved to that position - AND assumed that you would take the wall side - how would you feel?

I didn’t like it but I don’t know whether that’s me being fussy or not. I often nees the loo at tonight and l get sneezy and need tissues and anti histamines. He hates nose blowing in bed and tbf I don’t like being disturbed either so I would normally sneak out quietly to medicate and nose blow in the bathroom.

am I being unreasonable? He gave me the outside when I said I didn’t love it, but I think he found me fussy.

we’re in our 50s btw and I’ve done my spare share in my youth of sleeping (or not sleeping) in sub optimal (or grim) situations . We both have big jobs and we both like to sleep properly

I wouldn’t sleep next to a wall , I’d feel way too enclosed and I need a bedside table for my kindle etc . Unless you had to have a bed against a wall because it’s the only place I don’t get why you’d do it , must be a total pain to change the sheets .

Yes this ^^

Yes I like to have some water and a kindle in theory but in practice I never get to go to bed in tkme to read. That’s another thing. I want a wind down and a comfortable going to bed, wirh my stuff within reach; what I get is being expected to fall into bed while completely exhausted, on the wall side of the bed. Am I fussy to want a bit of a calmer routine

Wouldn’t be much fun for either of us as I’d have to get up for a wee several times during the night.

It’s also aesthetically awful unless you’re a child or live on a narrow boat

I wouldn't do that, I need my glasses, ear plugs etc. next to me in bed.

When i was young I had to share a double bed with my older sister. Our bed was pushed against a wall and I had the wall side. That didn't bother me particularly - I could line my cuddly toys up against the wall - but the fact she always needed loads of bedding on the bed did. Old style heavy blankets that weighed a ton.

As an adult I have never been in the situation of sleeping next to the wall. I want easy access to the bedside light, my glass of water, my books and my radio. And the loo.

And I also wouldn't sleep next to the wall while sharing a bed with a man unless I knew him very very well and trusted him implicitly because I would feel quite vulnerable

I'd be pissed off by the assumption. The bed situation is not ideal, but the fact that I wasn't asked if I was ok with being on the wall side or if I'd prefer to be on the access side - that would not please me at all. It shows a lack of consideration.

This would make me very uncomfortable and not just physically. That said, I wouldn't hesitate to crawl over him during the night to reach the bathroom. If he doesn't care about my comfort then that's his problem. I would put my water and kindle on his locker then reach across him during the night anytime I wanted my water.

I wouldn’t agree to it and would either move the bed myself or make other arrangements.

When I first moved in with DH neither side of the bed was right up against the wall but he claimed the side that was nearest the door and had the biggest area of floor space, while I had the side with a small walkway between bed and wall. To be fair it was his bed and his house. He claimed he absolutely must always have the side that was nearest the door whatever bed we were in for Reasons. Funnily enough, once we had our first baby and baby's cot was on the door side as that was where the space was he suddenly had an epiphany that actually he preferred the side nearest the wall, and he has been on that side ever since.

Is the wall side your side of the bed?

I always sleep on the left. So if that is the side against the wall, I wouldn't particularly mind.
If the right side is against the wall and partner expected me to switch sides of the bed, I would refuse.

Personally I love it because I can burrow down like a hamster 🐹
But if I had to get out of bed several times a night then obviously it wouldn't be good.
Surely he will get fed up with you climbing over him several times a night and would offer to swap.

I wpuld just ask if he could move it away from the wall.

King Size bed or LTB

Does it matter what we think? YOU don’t like it so your partner should apologetically reorganize so you are comfortable. If I didn’t live with my bf and he was expecting and wanting me to sleep over I would expect him to do everything to make me comfortable.

Growing up I slept with my big sister and had to sleep next to the wall. She use to pin me up against in an tickle me.😂

When I moved in with my first husband we had a tiny bedsit and slept on the wall side of the bed. I felt safe and protected by him. And rolling over him to get up to the loo could turn out very pleasant.

I wouldn't do it, I need to get up to pee at least once per night, getting out of bed would be a pain.

Well, he obviously doesn’t want that wall side, so he’s making you have it. That’s a bit selfish.

But from what I understand, the bed doesn’t have to be against the wall anyway?

If it was my usual side, I wouldn’t mind sleeping against the wall. If you have to get up for the loo in the night he will soon get disturbed and possibly change the set up!

Is it your usual side of the bed? If it is then I’d tell him that the bed needs to move if he wants you to stay over.

This would be too claustrophobic for me. I also need a bedside table for kindle, phone, iPad, water, hair bobble, access to the toilet, access to the window, access to do downstairs to check I locked the door, turned the oven off etc etc… 🤣

I wouldn't like sleeping on the side of the bed up against a wall. Very claustrophobic, and what about a bedside table with the box of tissues, the table lamp, the night cream, the clock and the glass of water and the cat who likes to watch me sleeping for some odd reason, not to mention the menopausal necessity for nocturnal bathroom access.

Nope I’m in my 40s…. Too old for that shit … no way am I being boxed in… I feel claustrophobic reading it…

In my 20s yes- 40’s no ….50- hell no

I wouldn’t be staying over again

Way too claustrophobic for me. I wouldn't stay, ever.

Has he been single a long time? Just tell him how you feel and say you are happy to rearrange his room so everyone is happy.

He does need to consider your needs as his equal and his guest!

First answer nails it 💐