Would you mind being expected to take the wall side of the bed?

[Newstartplease24]

If your partner (don’t live together but visit each others’ houses) set up his double bed with one side along a wall, in a big room where it didn’t need to be - and had recently been moved to that position - AND assumed that you would take the wall side - how would you feel?

I didn’t like it but I don’t know whether that’s me being fussy or not. I often nees the loo at tonight and l get sneezy and need tissues and anti histamines. He hates nose blowing in bed and tbf I don’t like being disturbed either so I would normally sneak out quietly to medicate and nose blow in the bathroom.

am I being unreasonable? He gave me the outside when I said I didn’t love it, but I think he found me fussy.

we’re in our 50s btw and I’ve done my spare share in my youth of sleeping (or not sleeping) in sub optimal (or grim) situations . We both have big jobs and we both like to sleep properly

I'd probably tell him to move it away or I'd be going back to my own house to be honest.

If this is a new furniture arrangement, I’d spend one night clambering over him to get to the loo and whatever. You can’t lie there with a full bladder. And hopefully he’ll see the error of his ways.

otherwise I’d vote with my feet and just not stay in his bed.

I have shared a room with a couple of guys (not at the same time,) who said they had to have the door side in case of intruders in the night. In at least one case, I'd have put money on him being more scared at any strange noises than I would, but there we go. For one of them, I didn't mind, as it meant I was on "my" side of the bed anyway. The other, I did not hide my eye-rolling. And also, what if the axe-weolding murderers climbed in the window on the wall opposite the door?

Being by the wall wouldn't bother me as long as there was no radiator there, and there was a windowsill or shelf for easy access for phone, tissue, lip balm. I don't often need a middle of the night trip to the loo, so on a practical level, it might as well be me. But it feels a bit studenty.

I wouldn't do it. It would make me feel trapped.

If he wants the bed there then he can sleep trapped up against the wall.

Have you asked him to move the bed back to the middle of the room for the comfort of you both? I note he gave you the outside "side" albeit with a bit of grumpiness attached.

I would be unhappy to have to sleep up against the wall with no table or access to the loo without doing acrobatics over a sleeping partner. What is he thinking! Ask again to move the bed to the middle of the room and if he refuses then say OK I'm on the outside every time I'm here. Let him think that you're fussy, he is an asshole to even think that anyway IMV.

Would you give up your side of the bed if he was staying over at yours and your bed was against the wall and let him have the non-wall side?

Anyone who has their bed pushed up against the wall needs a bigger bedroom if sharing. The man's bedroom is big enough to have the bed in the middle of the floor, he just doesn't want it there. Why he wants it that way I have no idea, but it's certainly not for the comfort of the OP.

Thanks everyone.
I think it’s just one of too many things that get wearing over time. It’s ok to have an exciting weekend camping or something but I do feel I am made to feel very weird about quite a few arrangements that are in my opinion unnecessarily inconvenient and uncomfortable - for me.
I was using this as an example because I’m losing sight of where I’m just difficult and inflexible. I’m in my 50s with a certain amount of manageable health issues and I do like to have my things around me. Maybe he just needs someone young and cool

He gave me the outside when I said I didn’t love it, but I think he found me fussy.

Hang on, so you both wanted the outside of the bed and after a brief discussion he had the good grace to put you first so that you got what you wanted. What's the problem?

Surely you sleep on your side of the bed, no matter which bed or where the bed is positioned? Is the wall on your side? Very odd to choose to put a double bed against the wall by choice though (although seems reasonable with a single bed).

He could have put his bed in the middle of the spacious bedroom like most sharing couples would for both their comforts. This man, no. So OP had to ask to sleep on the outside. So much unnecessary crap when the issue is very easily solved.

YANBU

How long have you been together?

I'm at the wall in my own bed when my partner is staying. I have lined the edge of the bed with those thin baskets from The Range or somewhere. I put stuff in there. Obviously not drinks, that is a nuisance but I manage.

He goes on the outside because he is less mobile than me.

I would say ‘this doesn’t work for me.’ I need a bedside table and easy access to the loo.’
Those things are normal things that people have, they are not luxuries.

I wouldn’t like it. And I doubt my partner would like it with me having to clamber over him, accidentally kneeing him in the balls and elbowing him in the face as I go to the loo about 5 times a night or check that the dog is ok…

You're not difficult and inflexible! It's a rubbish way to sleep if you don't have to. Husband & I did one night in a bed like this (didn't mind at all because it was in someone's house who kindly put us up and had to have it like that) and we had a long discussion beforehand about who was going to go to the toilet most in the night, who was most claustrophic etc. I mean we practically had to do a full risk assessment. In the end we decided I had the stronger bladder (because no enlarged prostate) and was most able to clamber (yoga), and it was quite fun, although in practice I just woke my husband up and he got up when I wanted to go to the loo. There's no way I'd do that every night, especially if there was an alternative. If he won't set it up properly then don't sleep there. Don't worry about not being young and cool. I much prefer being old and asserting my needs.

one night in a quirky holiday place - OK

as a regular thing - no way. I need a bedside table for my glasses and earrings etc, and I wouldn't want to feel trapped.

I actually prefer sleeping next a wall but if I asked my partner to do something simple so I could have a better nights sleep and he made out I was being fussy or dramatic I would be pissed off

As the rich Southern lady says in the last series of White Lotus: "I just don't think, at this age, I'm meant to live an uncomfortable life."

Move the bed, he's not a student

Did you already have "sides" of the bed by convention?

Good lord no I’m up and down for a wee numerous times per night and seeing your age I’m guessing you
may be too and how disrespectful after you’ve told him you don’t want to sleep there. He needs to move it back out or suck it up seeing as you only visit and don’t live there 24/7

Oops, I've moved my bed like this as I needed the extra space it frees up in my room for gym equipment. DP is only there max two nights a week so he's just going to have to clamber over me. I'm up with cats early hours

Oh. Well, for such a serious transgression it's got to be ducks in a row and LTB time

Ew no that’s so studenty. If my husband suggested it I’d make such a point of repeatedly clambering over him or asking him to pass me a tissue, my kindle, my glass of water….

In my own house I get to choose my side so he gets to do the same.
But just tell him to shift it so there's a gap in each side if it bothers you?

I guess just wake up really early and disturb him in order to make a point? Bit mean.