Should spending on children and gifts count towards the household budget?

[10Littleducks]

Just that. Do you include spending money for dcs, stuff they need for their hobbies, birthday and Christmas presents ect in the household budget?
Dp thinks these things shouldn't be included in my contribution to the household, and only the bills I pay should be included, and that it doesnt count that I pay for all these things, basically he thinks im not pulling my weight financially. He earns more than me. I very rarely buy nice things for myself.
The bills I pay for plus these extra bits that I pay for make our contributions around equal (although obviously these things can fluctuate month by month, i have worked it out roughly on a yearly basis before though).
We have separate finances (I know this isnt popular on mn but dp is irresponsible with money so i feel it gives me a bit of protection to keep it separate), kids are teens with fairly expensive hobbies so over the course of the year it certainly adds up what I spend on them.

We have shared finances but I’d say anything you’ve agreed to do together are joint expenses. So given that the children are both your responsibilities and you’re spending on things for them, yes? What on earth is his justification for thinking this is for you?

my only hesitation is that I take my daughter to a ‘lot’ of theatre shows. This isn’t really something my husband would choose so if we were splitting costs I’d consider putting these in my own list.

Are the DC his children too?. The items you buy for them are indeed part of the overall household budget.

How is he irresponsible with money?,

I must say I do not like the sound of him at all. He’s using money to bash you about the head with putting you at financial and economic disadvantage. Such men do not like to share and never change.

I bet he buys nice things for himself while you go without. I would readily assume he had his hair cut or visits the dentist far more often than you do because your money also goes on the kids.

Are they his children ?

I’d say absolutely they are. We include things like clubs, hobbies, uniform, general clothes, things they need. The only thing I would say I do separately is if it’s my treat, a coffee and cake out, or a new book/game etc. I class that as using my money.

What does he think he would do if the kids were just his responsibility? Not send them to hobbies, days out etc?

Assuming they’re his children he’s talking bollocks

Of course they need budgeting for. So basically he resents you spending money to make sure your children are well rounded?

If they're his kids or he's been in their lives for some substantial period of time ie years then of course they should - you're a family. I've not been in that position so I'm on the fence if it's a fairly new relationship.

If they're not his kids, a willingness to contribute if he gets paid substantially more would be pleasant. It sounds like he's being a bit of a tightwad in this instance. Not nice.

.Are they his children?

Yes, this has pretty much summed it up.

Also school uniforms, clothes, shoes, are included in the stuff I pay for so things that are 100% needed, but they dont count because theyre not a bill 😕

His children yes

His attitude is appalling. Honestly op I would look again at your relationship with him as a whole.

For goodness sake. Whatever happened to men being the providers and the protectors.

Does he know his job as a man is literally to provide for his kids? What a joke he is.

I have a joint account with my ex to cover our kids expenses. We cover; extracurricular, toiletries, clothes, school dinners, bus and trips. The school bus is £25 a week…

Another woman in a relationship with a fucking cunt.

Another selfish greedy little man who thinks his Children are his wife's expensive hobby.

I guess it depends on whether or not he agrees with what you are spending on the DC. If it’s a joint expense then the budget needs to be agreed between you. Maybe he thinks you spend excessively on the kids?

Its seems rather odd that he would not contribute towards his own kids. Unless you are only paying a tiny portion of the household bills and he is resentful. There’s got to be another side to this.

God this sounds horrible. I’m sorry you have to put up with someone who is so incredibly mean.

We pool our resources together and share so yes these are household finances.

In general yes, child related expenses including hobbies are the responsibility of both parents.
Slight caveat in our household, I got DC involved in my very expensive hobby so I foot the bill for most things for that. DH pays for DC if they want to do his (much cheaper) hobby.

Assuming they are his children, of course he should share any expense related to them. What could the counter argument be, out of interest?

We put a pro-rata’d amount based on after-tax earnings into a joint account to cover all joint/household expenses, could that work for you?

If they are stepchildren I guess there may be more room for discussion, although if you are married surely that means taking on each other’s children.

I regularly fill out budget sheets to help people qualify for charitable grants, and all of the items you describe would be taken into consideration as legitimate expenditure. Your DP needs to recognise that outgoings are much more than just bill payments.

Of course they do. They add up

So the kids are your hobby then? Not his and not joint just yours…

Raging on your behalf.

You are describing him financially abusing you, OP, do you realise that?

If they "don't count" because they're not a bill then he can pay for them all, can't he? (Don't actually suggest this to him, just read up on abusive relationships and then leave. I seriously, seriously doubt that a man who behaves like this with family finances is a peach in all other areas of life. What else does he do that you find questionable?)

I don't know how this is even a question.

If you have had dc together, then providing for them is clearly part of the family budget. It is bizarre to think otherwise.