Should spending on children and gifts count towards the household budget?

[10Littleducks]

Just that. Do you include spending money for dcs, stuff they need for their hobbies, birthday and Christmas presents ect in the household budget?
Dp thinks these things shouldn't be included in my contribution to the household, and only the bills I pay should be included, and that it doesnt count that I pay for all these things, basically he thinks im not pulling my weight financially. He earns more than me. I very rarely buy nice things for myself.
The bills I pay for plus these extra bits that I pay for make our contributions around equal (although obviously these things can fluctuate month by month, i have worked it out roughly on a yearly basis before though).
We have separate finances (I know this isnt popular on mn but dp is irresponsible with money so i feel it gives me a bit of protection to keep it separate), kids are teens with fairly expensive hobbies so over the course of the year it certainly adds up what I spend on them.

He sounds cheap and defo not a catch.

I would put an amount in an account proportional to what you earn. This should cover all household and family related items. U then put money away for savings, if possible and have the same fun money. It doesn't seem you favour a joint account. I have never lived with anyone so I've never had to deal with this

This

Normal child rearing costs are absolutely part of household expenses and anyone pretending otherwise is being financially abusive.

I would include school uniform, other shoes and clothes, school trips, birthdays, Christmas (presents for dc and presents for them to take to friends' parties), clubs and hobbies.

I think it should be split evenly if couples earn similar amounts or pro rata if wages are very different.

Like a pp, I used to take dd to the theatre a lot and didn't count those costs (theatre tickets, transport, meals, sometimes overnight accomodation) and always paid myself but that was different because they were something that dp wasn't interested in but I enjoyed doing with dd; were absolutely extras and I could afford to treat us.

Just cannot believe what I’m reading, I would not put up with this

This can easily be resolved, OP.

Don't pay for any of that stuff any more.

Put an equivalent amount to your usual monthly spend on this stuff in your savings account to pay an actual bill when necessary.

When the fees are due for the next term of their hobby, pass it over to him.

When they need new shoes/clothes/uniform etc, tell him he needs to sort it.

He can't have it both ways.

He sounds pretty unpleasant tbh.

Did you produce these children by parthenogenesis, OP? Of course the costs need to be included.

In a normal relationship I'd expect the costs to be split in relation to earnings, with both partners agreeing broadly on what to spend.

Your husband is financially abusing you.

Of course DC should be joint expenses.

Sit down with him with all your bank statements, credit card statements etc, for both of you, and start making a list of all expenses, including the children, and split it in half, and show him how much you should each be paying

All expenditures should be included in the budget.

All expenditure on the children should be shared

You need to start getting very tough with this so called partner. He's a tightwad and you are being financially abused.