My partner left his ex for many reasons, but one of the regular points of arguments were that she (unemployed) would drag him out to pubs on a weekday (often meeting friends), stay up drinking until kick-out time, they'd have no food as she'd be too tired to cook when they got home and he'd still be expected to go to work the following day, feeling like rubbish because he hadn't eaten and been drinking too much. The whole relationship was tainted because of her relationship with alcohol (alcoholic), and he often went along with it from what he says.
Forward to present-day. I work term-time only and am currently on leave. Partner is not. Due to the way term-time work happens, naturally, all leave for term-time only workers happens at the same time, which means fixed holidays away and limited time to meet people.
My friend and I hadn't seen each other in around half a year due to this and finally managed to get together last night (a Monday). We picked a reasonable time in the evening and normally, we chat for about 2 hours and then it's home-time. My partner had an open invitation to come along; it was assumed that he did and he seemed keen on meeting my friend again.
Due to a packed day, we ended up not eating before we headed out. No issue, I'd cook/ reheat batch-cooked food when we got home. We'd also had a substantial lunch, so neither of us were hungry. Only this time, conversation flowed extra well and we stayed until last orders were called. To be honest, I didn't have my watch on me, didn't look at my phone and time just ran away. We were all having a good time. Friend and I had 2 drinks each, partner had 3. We didn't get home until gone half eleven.
At that point, partner said he was too tired to eat and he just wanted to go to bed. I offered to make food/ reheat something/ just prepare something cold several times and he refused each time, saying he couldn't go straight to sleep after. But he spent most of the night tossing and turning anyway, complaining he was dizzy/ too hot. He was pissy this morning, clearly tired from a night of no sleep and feeling rubbish, which I put down to a combination of a late night out, no food, and little sleep.
I feel guilty and need some perspective. I didn't make him come out. He didn't once mention we should go home because it was getting late. He had more drinks than any of us. I paid for the taxi home and offered to make food and he refused. I made him coffee and food this morning as he was just going to set off without, complaining how ill he felt. And yet I just did exactly what his ex had been doing frequently. I kept him out all night, we stayed until closing time, I knew he had work in the morning and a long day at work ahead. I know how much he hates not eating before drinks, or at all after, and that he is still partially recovering from flashbacks of his previous relationship. I did apologise and think I've done what I could to lessen the impact.
I'm meandering between thinking he could have done the adult thing and stay home/ keep track of time and his drinking and thinking I should have taken responsibility in meeting my friend for a shorter time and ensured my partner was prepared for work. He has a difficult job. I know if the tables were turned I would not have come out as I couldn’t function in work that way, either. I know he is probably just pissy because he is tired and likely hungover. I may be overreacting because I've come into this relationship recovering from an abusive marriage.
Who is in the wrong here?