Please talk some sense into me

[Didion]

Name changed because it's embarrassing.

A few weeks ago, a much younger man, who I used to know, told a mutual friend that he fancied me. He's seriously out of my league and I was very flattered. He's since messaged me every day, asking when we can meet. I've been single for about five years and haven't had sex in over ten years. I don't know if menopause has caused any issues in this department!

Before his initial message, I hadn't seen him for four years, as he was working abroad. In this time I've aged significantly due to health problems and peri-menopause. I've seen very recent photos of him on social media and he hasn't aged at all. If anything, he's been working out and looks stronger and healthier.

So, I've been putting him off, but started Mounjaro, had my hair dyed to hide all the greys, bought a load of expensive skincare products and have a very expensive botox session booked for tomorrow. I really shouldn't be spending this sort of money.

What am I doing? Please talk some sense into me. I don't even think I want anything from him. I think I'm just so flattered. It's depressing though because all of a sudden I'm noticing all the ways that I've aged, including wrinkles, downturned mouth, thinning hair, weight gain.

I should just let him down and forget all about it, shouldn't I?

Just to add that I've never undergone any cosmetic procedures before. This is new territory.

I feel as though I'm losing my mind.

What have you got to lose by meeting him ? Give it a try, you can always say no to second meeting

The Botox will kick in in about two weeks. How’s the weight loss going and how is your hair looking?

It sounds quite exhausting in honesty. Especially as you can’t afford it.

How much younger is he?

I think if you get a dusting down from a younger man you probably won’t need the Botox. I’d probably consider getting some lube and some nice undies though.( Sorry if that’s not the advice you were looking for. )

Oh for goodness sake !

There is no need for
'started Mounjaro, had my hair dyed to hide all the greys, bought a load of expensive skincare products and have a very expensive botox session booked for tomorrow.'

just meet him for a coffee tomorrow instead of the botox session !

He either likes you as you are or he doesn't !

You are overthinking it

and you realise you would need to keep up with all the hair dying / skincare etc.

Right now you don't even know if you ' like ' him never mind want to date him / have a relationship / get married.

Please don't let him down! It's not fair on him. Give it a go - what's the worst that can happen? A bit of reminiscing about the old days? You never know, the pair of you might hit it off.

He's ten years younger than me. He's 40 and I'm 50.

He looks younger and I look older.

I think I'm making an old fool of myself.

The thing is that he has told me that he likes the way I look. But I actually look haggard nowadays.

I feel as though I'm having a destructive midlife crisis. It's embarrassing.

Things I hadn't cared about I suddenly do, Such as how to deal with the odd grey pube? Eeek. I feel such a fool. I just shouldn't care about these things

I've just read your update and I agree with OlderGlaswegian - cancel the Botox session and meet him for coffee. You are definitely overthinking this!

Give over! You can't look that bad if he fancies you and he's 10 years younger. Just go for it!
You must look younger than you think. Have fun and live a little. Life is too short.🥰

If I meet him I'd be so ashamed by the way I look. He referred to a picture on my social media that he likes, but it's over a ten years old.

He hasn't seen what I look like now. So, I'm desperately trying to look like I used to. Pathetic.

You're enough and he fancies you.

At least have a good fling with a sense of humour about the whole thing.

Well I would proceed with caution - he could be genuine or he could be thinking that if your self confidence is low (as is clear from your posts) you would be easy to string along and you don’t deserve that. Hope it turns out well though!

40 compared to 50 is no big deal, it’s not like he is 25. Go for it OP.

I thought you would all tell me to grow up and forget about him!

Thank for being supportive and not mocking me, everyone. :-)

So he’s basing everything on a photo of you from ten years ago? Mmm I can see why you are worried. Perhaps warn him that the photo is ten years out of date. Then it’s up to him if he wants to still see you. But expect the worst and hope for the best. It’s worth a shot but don’t take it personally if it doesn’t work out. None of us can compete with our ten years younger self.
But - take this motivation to make the best of yourself and get out there in the real world with people your own age. It’ll be easier on an equal footing. It’s a confidence boost regardless of what happens with this younger man.

If your hair is already thinning then Mounjaro is likely going to make that even worse. I lost so much hair when I was on it.

As PPs have said, don't knock yourself out with the procedures.
Find out what's going on - you said you've been single for 5 years and he's been working abroad for 4 years. Where was he during the first year you were single? What has he been doing while "working abroad?" And why has he come back?
Wear something nice and see what he's about.

You know what? You probably look fine, you're just very self conscious which is understandable - women aren't allowed to age! You don't need all that stuff (especially Botox), but if it gives you confidence, that's fine. Just meet him and see how it goes. You don't have to get married!

It’s not much of an age gap really. Unless he wants kids. But you haven’t even been on a date yet so you’ve no idea what he wants.

Improving your appearance if you don’t much like the way you look, and reducing your weight if medically necessary, are good things to do in general. You’re not a fool for doing these things.

We all age. I doubt you’ve changed beyond recognition. It’s a bit OTT that you’re spending all this money just to try to recapture your youth in order to impress a man you haven’t seen in years. He will either like you for who you are or he won’t. I don’t think a radical, crash course in beauty procedures is sensible at all.

By all means do your hair and make an effort to feel good but if you weren’t otherwise planning Botox and weight loss jabs this is a massive knee jerk reaction.

He may freak out when the new look you struts in (think Sandy in Grease 😀). If he fancies you as you are - please calm.down. Have a facial, tidy eyebrows etc by all means but leave the botox alone for now.

You have always been 10 years older - it’s not news to him. Unless you have been wanting Botox for a while or you have found a very good, subtle aesthetician then I would leave that alone and accept you for you. Learn to love how you are now, and also use protection 😉