Should I just say hello and leave the rest to him?

[GiraffesAreUntidy]

I have name changed for this, and altered a few details for privacy reasons.

For a few months now, I have had a huge crush on a man who goes to my gym. I am 99% sure he is single. His FB and instagram pages suggest that, He probably doesn’t know I exist, and I no longer make the first move with men. No judgement on those who do, but I have done this in the past and it’s never gone well. So I have had to admire from a distance.

But last week, something happened (think fire alarm, parking barrier, moving cars etc) which gave me a legitimate reason to speak to him. He was polite, pleasant and possibly, very fleetingly, looked me up and down. Not in a lecherous way, but just for a split second, and I got the impression he found me attractive. We were both using the gym after the fire alarm, and I think he was looking at me.

So having had a brief conversation, I think this now puts both of us in a position to say hello/good morning/basic pleasantries etc. but nothing more from me, right? If he is vaguely interested, he now has an opening to say hello a few times and strike up a conversation.

Other than saying hello and being present at the gym, looking my best, there is nothing more I can do without chasing, is there? Unless I set the fire alarm off …

How old are you OP? I then might be able to advise better.

I am in my 50s and I am pretty sure he is too

Don’t be daft. If you want to talk to him and you get the chance do it. Time is slipping away from all of us

I’d definitely say hello , after all you would probably say hello to someone you’d had a brief interaction with at the gym ( you would give it no thought if you didn’t fancy him)

I always say hello to men/women if I have cause to see them frequently at the gym , especially if I’ve had cause for a brief interaction. I’ve made friends this way.
good luck x

I will definitely smile and say hello next time I see him. I am really worried about coming across as desperate/full-on/overly keen

OP, with the greatest kindness- you are watching him on social media in what comes across as a bit weird. If you want to go on a date, ask him. He's not a mind reader. And stop stalking his socials.

Quite 👆

I'd say hello with a wide smile because really the worst that happens here is you send a smile out to the world. I'd probably add how are you and see what happens after that.

Is it really so wrong to do this with his socials, doesn’t everyone do this??

No.

This is what I’m thinking, if anything is going to happen, I want it to come from him

I wouldn't say it's wrong to look at his socials. You want to know who you could potentially be talking to, or if they're married or not.
Employers do it all the time when considering job applicants, so why not check them out for personal reasons too

Smile, make some remark like "hope there's no fire alarm today! " and maybe ask a question about one of the machines or if he does any classes.

Either he'll be interested in chatting or he won't.

And if he does respond well, maybe it'll go from somewhere from there.

Please tell us you’ve not watched any of his Instagram stories 🙈

So you had never spoken to this guy before the fire alarm, but somehow you know his name, his socials and have checked them all out? Coming from a man, this would definitely be raising red flags, surely? Also, you are in your 50s - can't you just speak to him? What's to lose?

Why? You fancy him - but in your book if he fancies you, he should make the effort/move? What if he's waiting for you to? (Genuine question)

Definitely go and speak to him! You have nothing to lose. And even if he isn’t interested you might make a nice friendship 😊

I know his name from something he signed up for at the gym

Just say hello or good morning and get on with your work out.

On a couple of occasions in the past, I have made the first move, and it’s never worked out well. There have been lots of debates on MN about this, the usual advice being ‘if he is interested, he will do something about it himself’

But the ice has been broken, so why not just be normal and say hello & make conversation when you cross paths?

I'm not saying ask him out, just build on the fact you have already spoken.

Thank you, I think this is what I will do

C’mon. Pretty much everyone who is interested in someone will check out their socials. Perfectly normal OP. I’d be friendly but let him chase a bit.

Agree with all the above. It’s worth testing the waters a bit, life is short.

And men have to make the first move many many times and it not go well.

if you want to hour with him ask him out. If you don’t want to ask for fear of rejection, that’s your loss.