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Relationships

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Weird escalation of interest

57 replies

Nobodyiswatching · 28/07/2026 09:42

Two weeks ago I approached my local pub owner (pub is across the road from where I live) to see if he would be happy to host me one evening a week for a music night. He was great with the idea, got on board straightaway and talked to his manager to get the ball rolling. We booked a date in for a trial a couple of weeks from now. We exchanged texts about the publicity. He is going to update his website with the event and get a poster out. All great. We were exchanging friendly banter over text - we've known each other in passing for years - obviously with the pub being over the road we do occasionally run into one another. I dropped over with my laptop and showed him my website. He was reserved and shy.

Then - I got a text. "May I say, you looked good enough to hug and caress today. It took all my willpower to keep my hands to myself." I didn't respond. But then another few texts, all along these lines - "I thought I was going to get lucky then," and "maybe sometime soon," etc. "Would you let me caress you," and "I wouldn't touch you without your consent."

The really annoying thing is, he's actually a lovely man and very gentle in his personality and demeanour - I've known him for about 3 years. And he's never, ever, come on strong like this before. WFT is he doing? WTF is going on? Why has he suddenly jumped from being a nice amenable neighbour to expressing all this random passion? Trying to keep things light and hopefully divert attention I texted him back "Behave." He replied "I will behave but only if you want me to?"

FFS. What does he think is going to happen? Does he think because I asked to partner with him for a business idea I want to shag him? Why now? Fuck sake. What is this man doing? I actually do like him as a friend and a potentially good business partner, but the texts are so sexual and urgent. All of a sudden as well. Weird change of gear?

OP posts:
violetpixiedust · 28/07/2026 09:46

Ugh what a shame. You strike up a friendly relationship with someone and they have to ruin it by being creepy. It’s one thing to chance is luck or even ask you out but to repeatedly send these cringeworthy texts (honestly I’m almost vomiting at the constant use of ‘caress’) is unacceptable. I think you’ll have to address it - ‘look Jim I appreciate the opportunity at the pub but I’m not interested in anything more’ - then see what his reactions like. No doubt it’ll be a bit awkward and potentially taint a good opportunity.

Justchillinhere · 28/07/2026 09:52

WoW he's crazy, showed his true colours straight away, I couldn't bring myself to speak to him again!

Idontjetwashthefucker · 28/07/2026 09:57

What a knob! He's ruined the opportunity for you, you defo need to tell him you're no longer interested...or in him. Letch

Nobodyiswatching · 28/07/2026 10:00

Why would he do this? That's what I don't understand. There's no awareness there. This business partnership could have worked well for both of us and he's gone straight ahead and taken it into sexual territory. Why? Did he not think beforehand or is he just a chancer? FFS

OP posts:
MurielTheTerrible · 28/07/2026 10:01

Surely just the word "caress" is enough to make you feel repulsed. Tell him you aren't interested asap.

CrowMate · 28/07/2026 10:02

Creepy to move from friendly to talk of touching you with not so much as a ‘hey, fancy a coffee’. I also find the mention of barely keeping hands to self and consent a massive red flag.

I’d knock this on the head and find another pub. I wouldn’t risk being on my own with him.

FinallyHere · 28/07/2026 10:05

I’m so sorry. whatever , however you text back, he will consider it banter. Even ‘behave’ he is taking as mock serious even flirtatious

I really think you need to speak to him in person and say you think it’s best given you are arranging events that your relationship remains purely business.

and just take the hit if he reacts badly.

so sorry, this is stuff women face over and over again. Sigh.

FinallyHere · 28/07/2026 10:06

CrowMate · 28/07/2026 10:02

Creepy to move from friendly to talk of touching you with not so much as a ‘hey, fancy a coffee’. I also find the mention of barely keeping hands to self and consent a massive red flag.

I’d knock this on the head and find another pub. I wouldn’t risk being on my own with him.

Actually, yes, scrap my reply. This is spot on.

thesnailandthewhale · 28/07/2026 10:06

Caress is up there with moist 🤮🤮

Munchie1965 · 28/07/2026 10:13

Were you a bit flirty when you approached him about the business idea?

Justchillinhere · 28/07/2026 10:22

Munchie1965 · 28/07/2026 10:13

Were you a bit flirty when you approached him about the business idea?

That's a disgusting response,

BillieWiper · 28/07/2026 10:26

How bizarre and creepy. To just be really reserved and not remotely flirty in person to suddenly texting about struggling to have the willpower not to SA you on sight?!
Tell him you're not single. I mean you shouldn't have to really. Just don't let it carry on any further!

Munchie1965 · 28/07/2026 10:30

Justchillinhere · 28/07/2026 10:22

That's a disgusting response,

I don't understand why.

The OP was asking why there has been a "weird escalation in interest."

I just thought that might have been the catalyst.

Inmyuggs · 28/07/2026 10:43

Can u go elsewhere
Without firm boundries this creep will keep at it.
Oh its replusive when a man takes on a sexual tangent and you have no interest....perve.

ohnowhat · 28/07/2026 10:49

FFS. What does he think is going to happen? Does he think because I asked to partner with him for a business idea I want to shag him? Why now? Fuck sake. What is this man doing? I actually do like him as a friend and a potentially good business partner, but the texts are so sexual and urgent. All of a sudden as well. Weird change of gear?

I mean this alone I don't think too bad.
People are attracted to others, how do they let them know without, you know, letting them know.
But the messages were over the top creepy - caress? Yuck.
If he's texted "I enjoyed our chat, I really like you, would you like to get a drink sometime" you could have said thanks but no thanks but without the FFS aspect to it.

Rachelshair · 28/07/2026 10:54

I don't think your business opportunity is still on OP. This is beyond creepy and he'll take your presence in his pub as a green light. It is shit but you can find another pub to play at? I wouldn't give him the business boost, he doesn't deserve it, he's a creep. You could be alone with him in an empty pub, just no.

JoyousWriter · 28/07/2026 10:56

Go somewhere else.

"Caress" indeed! Just the word sounds like a horrible, perfumed brand of soap.

VimesandhisCardboardBoots · 28/07/2026 10:57

Nobodyiswatching · 28/07/2026 10:00

Why would he do this? That's what I don't understand. There's no awareness there. This business partnership could have worked well for both of us and he's gone straight ahead and taken it into sexual territory. Why? Did he not think beforehand or is he just a chancer? FFS

There's no point trying to work out his motivations. His motivations are he wants to shag you.

He's a weird creep. He always was a weird creep, this won't be new behaviour, he hasn't suddenly changed. The only difference is that you're now the focus of his weird creepiness. Why now? Because you spoke to him, in his eyes you "showed an interest". You didn't, but this guy isn't exactly playing with a full deck.

Stop trying to work out how to blame yourself for this, and start working out how to protect yourself instead.

mondaytosunday · 28/07/2026 10:57

I’d text back that after his inappropriate texts you’ve decided to chose another venue then block him. Next time you run in to him be cool and distant.
I think your ‘behave’ response sounded like you were encouraging him.

ohnowhat · 28/07/2026 10:59

"Behave" sounds a bit flirty anyway. I hear it in Austin Power's voice.

Nobodyiswatching · 28/07/2026 11:04

@ohnowhat

People are attracted to others, how do they let them know without, you know, letting them know.

True. But if I reverse the positions and I'm a pub owner. A man, a neighbour, approaches me and strikes up a polite and friendly conversation about partnering for an event on a regular basis. I'm delighted. I then pick up my phone and tell him I want to get hot and steamy with him. I want him to come round, sooner rather than later. The sooner the better. I tell him I thought I was going to get lucky when he approached me. And that I'd be happy for him to please me anytime.

I mean, c'mon. How unsophisticated and blatant!!! He might genuinely like me and I'm not slating him for that. But FFS, read the room!

OP posts:
Nobodyiswatching · 28/07/2026 11:07

@Rachelshair

I don't think your business opportunity is still on OP. This is beyond creepy and he'll take your presence in his pub as a green light. It is shit but you can find another pub to play at? I wouldn't give him the business boost, he doesn't deserve it, he's a creep. You could be alone with him in an empty pub, just no.

Unfortunately I think you're right. So annoyed. I'm also beginning to wonder if he expects sex as some kind of recompense for me playing at his pub! He's not yet finished the event advertising so maybe he's waiting for the green light as some kind of "payment." He might be an opportunist

OP posts:
Palomiino · 28/07/2026 11:11

He fancies you, probably always has and is seeing this as a way to get to you.

His messages are unacceptable. You need to tell him ‘I am not interested’. He is being disrespectful. (How old is he, btw?)

I would not go ahead with the plans you made which is a shame but might be necessary.

Palomiino · 28/07/2026 11:15

Nobodyiswatching · 28/07/2026 11:07

@Rachelshair

I don't think your business opportunity is still on OP. This is beyond creepy and he'll take your presence in his pub as a green light. It is shit but you can find another pub to play at? I wouldn't give him the business boost, he doesn't deserve it, he's a creep. You could be alone with him in an empty pub, just no.

Unfortunately I think you're right. So annoyed. I'm also beginning to wonder if he expects sex as some kind of recompense for me playing at his pub! He's not yet finished the event advertising so maybe he's waiting for the green light as some kind of "payment." He might be an opportunist

This is a possibility.

Many moons ago, I had someone working for my family in a professional capacity. One day, he decided not to bill us for some of the work he had done. This should have been a red flag.

Not long after, he started flirting and trying to arrange a hook-up with me.

wrongthinker · 28/07/2026 11:25

You're going to have to tell him to fuck off and cancel any agreements. What a twat.