Weird escalation of interest

[Nobodyiswatching]

Two weeks ago I approached my local pub owner (pub is across the road from where I live) to see if he would be happy to host me one evening a week for a music night. He was great with the idea, got on board straightaway and talked to his manager to get the ball rolling. We booked a date in for a trial a couple of weeks from now. We exchanged texts about the publicity. He is going to update his website with the event and get a poster out. All great. We were exchanging friendly banter over text - we've known each other in passing for years - obviously with the pub being over the road we do occasionally run into one another. I dropped over with my laptop and showed him my website. He was reserved and shy.

Then - I got a text. "May I say, you looked good enough to hug and caress today. It took all my willpower to keep my hands to myself." I didn't respond. But then another few texts, all along these lines - "I thought I was going to get lucky then," and "maybe sometime soon," etc. "Would you let me caress you," and "I wouldn't touch you without your consent."

The really annoying thing is, he's actually a lovely man and very gentle in his personality and demeanour - I've known him for about 3 years. And he's never, ever, come on strong like this before. WFT is he doing? WTF is going on? Why has he suddenly jumped from being a nice amenable neighbour to expressing all this random passion? Trying to keep things light and hopefully divert attention I texted him back "Behave." He replied "I will behave but only if you want me to?"

FFS. What does he think is going to happen? Does he think because I asked to partner with him for a business idea I want to shag him? Why now? Fuck sake. What is this man doing? I actually do like him as a friend and a potentially good business partner, but the texts are so sexual and urgent. All of a sudden as well. Weird change of gear?

And I bet he’s not worried or embarrassed. He’s probably angry that his plan to ‘buy’ or barter sex from you in exchange for a gig has backfired.

Sadly, this man has taken your interest in his pub, as an interest in him. The fact you're interested in his pub, is only from a business point of view, seems to have bypassed him. I can only assume that he has zero self-awareness, or social etiquette.

You can't respond with comments like 'behave' because he's taking your response as interest. I'm afraid you're going to have to take the bull by the horns and be blunt but polite! Something like 'Tom, I think there's been a misunderstanding. I'm interested in performing in the pub with my music as this brings an exciting business opportunity for us both. My interest in you, is purely as a friend, not in a romantic or sexual way. Looking forward to the gig on Saturday'.

Either he will be accepting of that, and be mortified that he thought anything different or he will take the news badly and you'll need to find a new venue.

Ugh this is really grim. If it were me, I would be much more direct in my response. I think “ behave” could otherwise be misinterpreted as flirtatious.

It's unprofessional to say the least. Also this person does not respect boundaries or has a sense of another's boundaries. Yeah better to walk away than deal with that.

I can remember my mum and dad had an ‘insurance man’ when I was in my teens. Used to sort of life insurance and private pensions. He used to call every year I think with updates - this was the 1980’s by the way.
When I bought my first home he offered to call in as I wanted to take out a private pension. He was probably late 40’s by then, and to me felt like a friend of my parents.
He called at my flat one evening and launched into how he’d always wanted to ‘ask me out’ even though he was married with a young family. That I’d always been gorgeous, I was his dream girl.
I managed to pacify him and get him out. I can remember my mum being really shocked - he was such a nice man, so polite, well mannered.
This version of Dirty Den thought that someone like OP would never be interested in him. He’s taken this interest in his pub to override boundaries and the consequences are stomach-churning.
I would stay away from him and his pub.
You would be surprised at how many men think women going about their days, often at work, fancy them. A young woman in his local cafe, the woman in Tesco who has a joke with him, a teacher at his kids’ school who passes the time of day.

I was thinking what a strange thread this was, then I remembered the local newsagent who firmly believed that all the newspaper delivery girls fancied him.
He was repulsive and old enough to be their grandad, but he was definitely hoping for a bit of carressing.

They walk amongst us.

It's a shame you didn't shut him down immediately after the first inappropriate text.

I think you could have said "think this must have been intended for someone else! Happy to talk professionally otherwise", give him an out where he could pretend and you could just be bloody careful around him for the gig.

But as it's dragged on, you really have to pull out.