Weird escalation of interest

[Nobodyiswatching]

Two weeks ago I approached my local pub owner (pub is across the road from where I live) to see if he would be happy to host me one evening a week for a music night. He was great with the idea, got on board straightaway and talked to his manager to get the ball rolling. We booked a date in for a trial a couple of weeks from now. We exchanged texts about the publicity. He is going to update his website with the event and get a poster out. All great. We were exchanging friendly banter over text - we've known each other in passing for years - obviously with the pub being over the road we do occasionally run into one another. I dropped over with my laptop and showed him my website. He was reserved and shy.

Then - I got a text. "May I say, you looked good enough to hug and caress today. It took all my willpower to keep my hands to myself." I didn't respond. But then another few texts, all along these lines - "I thought I was going to get lucky then," and "maybe sometime soon," etc. "Would you let me caress you," and "I wouldn't touch you without your consent."

The really annoying thing is, he's actually a lovely man and very gentle in his personality and demeanour - I've known him for about 3 years. And he's never, ever, come on strong like this before. WFT is he doing? WTF is going on? Why has he suddenly jumped from being a nice amenable neighbour to expressing all this random passion? Trying to keep things light and hopefully divert attention I texted him back "Behave." He replied "I will behave but only if you want me to?"

FFS. What does he think is going to happen? Does he think because I asked to partner with him for a business idea I want to shag him? Why now? Fuck sake. What is this man doing? I actually do like him as a friend and a potentially good business partner, but the texts are so sexual and urgent. All of a sudden as well. Weird change of gear?

God all that talk of caressing, what an oddball.

I would speak to him and ask him directly what is going on.

I suspect there may be a simple explanation like he may have left his phone lying around and in a pub is surrounded by people under the influence. It just seems a huge leap from shy and respectful to the complete pants- sniffer vibe of the text.

If not and he is just an emotionally stunted tit then you can just clear the air and continue as business partners or cordial neighbours, without any misunderstanding. And have the satisfaction of watching him be very uncomfortable in person as you ask him what the fuck possessed him to think this is okay.

@Tooshytoshine

It just seems a huge leap from shy and respectful to the complete pants- sniffer vibe of the text.

Exactly! What was he thinking. I don't think it would be as weird if he just was a bit more civil in his advances - something like "I'm really attracted to you, why don't you pop over for a drink sometime - no worries if not." But to go from zero to "I want you to come over sooner rather than later so I can grope you in the kitchen where there's no CCTV........" Which is actually what he did say in one of his texts (not the grope part but getting handsy in the kitchen. I mean it's just so out there

Caress 🤮

He's seriously overstepped the professional line. You need to tell him his comments have made you very uncomfortable and it won't work professionally now you know he sees you in that way.

If I wanted to salvage the working arrangement I probably would have replied.. “ oops. Looks like you sent this to the wrong person “ and let him extract himself but I fear it’s now gone too far to retrieve.

I would’ve responded to the first message and saying you’ve sent this to me by mistake and lots of laughing emoji.

But that ship has sailed now so I guess my comment is irrelevant 😩🤪😩🤪

exactly that was my thoughts too!

What makes you think any woman who has a business idea will use flirtation to secure the business opportunity? Yuk.

Some men are repulsive enough to think you are flirting with them if you so much as say a polite 'hello' in passing.

It is victim blaming.
Some men need absolutely no encouragement at all to turn creepy.

Christ, imagine thinking that was the way to let someone know you were attracted to them. So fucking weird. If he's attracted to you all he needed to do was say "I've enjoyed talking to you so much lately. Do you fancy going for a drink or something to eat some time? No worries if not, of course :)" But no, straight in with the 'caress' talk 😬

I bet he also calls sex 'making love'.

I don't think there's been an escalation in "interest" at all, I think the "interest" was there from the start and there never was a business opportunity.
Leave it. He's an arse hole.
Also, is he attached to a brewery? I'd report him to them.

Even if the OP had been 'a bit flirty' the correct response would have been flirting back, not suddenly going on about 'caressing'. Announcing that you want to 'touch and caress' someone and that you had to use all your willpower not to sexually assault them isn't really in the flirty range.

Fucking men.

I would forget the business arrangement, in fact he sounds so disturbing and creepy I might even move house!

I'm actually just more exasperated than anything. Honestly really cross. This was such a good business opportunity for both of us. And he's thinking with his cock. Just gone bowling on in there without any fucking consideration as to how his careless, OTT advances might make him sound. SO ANNOYED. The more I think about it the more annoyed I become. It puts me in a really difficult situation. I needed this partnership and so did he. WHY did he not think before sexting

Because I didn't respond to his last text (sent two days ago) which was "You can please me anytime." And he's not texted since. So he's probably annoyed/embarrassed/worried. That's his own fault FFS. He could have just focussed on the business plan. Now it's all shades of awkward.

Males are sometimes not that bright, i may be wrong but I live in the north & ours can have masygonistic caveman demeanor.
This one has mistaken friendly banter with flirting and a come on.
Be polite but firm you are only interested in him on a working basis and nothing else.
He is maybe chancing his luck to see if you would be up for that, sadly they assume women are easy pickings and think that's attractive in some sort of fashion.

Polite but firm you're not interested in anything other than a friendship & this business deal.
And if he is a decent male he will take the hint

If he wanted anything like that then he should of maybe asked you for lunch not asked you for a shag pretty much!
He is trying his luck, and a decent guy would ask you for lunch and take 1 day at a time.

Be firm and blunt with him.

Omg op that’s disgusting. You went in there with a business opportunity and hes sending stuff like that? If you didnt live so close, id be inclined to screenshot to the landlords to show them how he does business.

honestly, i think id take from that your music night is not going ahead. Id maybe pitch to another pub. You would not be able to trust him end of the night/when everyones gone. What a creep.

are you sending a text to say thanks but no thanks to the music night? How are you going to move forward?

Caress makes me want to throw up

Caress makes me want to throw up, too! WTF is he doing?

There's absolutely no way I'd work with him now, OP. No way. He's such a creep - why would you go anywhere near him? I wouldn't care if he'd paid for advertising or whatever. Tell your friends what's happened as he'll surely make something up.

Because he’s a sleazy perv who thought he was going to easily get lucky. Why not just ask you to go for a drink like most people do? Run a mile.

I agree. OP, is the landlord actually Swiss Tony? 😂

Massive red flags. Disgusting. He's gone from zero to 100 so I really think you have no option but to protect your safety and cancel your use of the pub. Just knowing he's there will likely put you off your work anyway and, as others have said, the danger of being alone at closing time is just too great. He will expect some sort of 'payment'. Perhaps send a professionally-toned email to the manager, cc Creep, and say you are cancelling the arrangement. And then block him.

'You can please me anytime' 😂😂😂 WTH.

As it seems so out of character are you sure someone hasn't got hold of his phone and sent the messages ?

Ugh. They all seem to think any woman smiling at them or being in any way a decent human being is coming on to them.

Because they are only pleasant to women they want to fuck, they assume it works the other way round too. Unattractive, too old, too fat, you basically don’t exist to them and they wouldn’t even speak to you.

But if you’re within the bounds of someone they would sleep with then they’ll take any conversation as proof that you fancy them too. My ex was always going on about how women fancied him at work, or how his cleaning lady wanted to shag his brother because she asked after him while he was going through a divorce. So deluded.

A man I know fantasised that his dental hygienist would straddle him mid exam - she’s just going about her business cleaning his fucking teeth and he still thought about how she might want to shag him. I think they see most women as wannabe sex workers and if there’s an opportunity for us to get any kind of benefit from sex, financial or otherwise, that we’ll do it.

I blame porn; plumbers, taxi drivers, any trade can apparently request sex as payment and women are only too happy to drop their knickers in exchange for a job well done. I bet he had his porn goggles on and thought you’d be only too happy to pay him for the use of the pub in sexual favours.

His grim use of the term ‘caress’ would give anyone the ick, and talking about struggling to keep his hands off you and banging on about doing it where the security cameras wouldn’t see you are massive red flags so please stay away from him.