Boy friend admitted cheating and I’m waiting for herpes results and devastated. What to do next?

[Cremecaramelled]

Feeling horrendous and so sore, waiting for herpes test results back. I spoke to boyfriend last night, who has been suffering from burnout for the past two and half months. I have tried very hard to support him through this. We noticed a lesion on his penis last week after we had had sex, but I knew nothing about herpes and we have been together a year snd a half. I asked him if there had been anybody else, not expecting a positive, he said, he had not had unprotected sex with anyone/ which was dodging the question, so I rephrased and turns out he met a couple on fabswingers and the woman only gave him a blow job. I asked if his unsheathed penis had at any point touched her genitals and he said it had. I suspect that he did have unprotected sex with her. I need to push to find out. In the meantime I have instructed him to get a herpes test asap and a whole raft of other tests for everything. I’m utterly devastated and not sure what to do, how to navigate this. I feel violated- I wasn’t given information or choice and dreading the results back from the tests. It’s excruciating and I’m on summer holidays with my children and am struggling to even get out of bed.

I'm so sorry 😞 he's cheated on you and it does sound like he's given you an STD. I hope you get the results back soon and start treatment and feel better. In the meantime, I hope you've dumped the cheating bastard!

I'm presuming you've already dumped him. So just try to enjoy your holiday as best you can.

Oh you poor thing. I know two women who have herpes and both said the first attack was the worst by far. I think you need to see a doctor ASAP as there will be medication you can have.

He's a disgusting man - I hope you've ended the relationship.

Leave him. You will never know whether he got herpes from the woman he cheated with because it can lay dormant for years, but he cheated and risked your sexual health. That is unforgivable in my opinion.

How awful.

Dump him. He cheated on you and put your health at risk.

Just being on fabswingers would be enough to dump him for me let alone giving you an std . What the actual fuck???
Men again - not being able to stick to one relationship at a time

I’m sorry that’s really shit of him. I’d keep the line of communication open until he has his results and then dump him.

You’ve mentioned feeling sore and struggling to get out of bed, are you experiencing symptoms too or are you referring to heartbreak? It’s probably worth getting your own assessment if you have symptoms.

Go and get a sti check yourself.
Go from there.
Once you are diagnoised informstion and choices...sorry to say no ones safe from cheaters, sti and perverse men.
Least it wont be a hiv positive i really hope
No unsafe sex is safe sex.

Who is waiting for test results
at 9.15am in the morning - that was quick !

anyway

he is your ex boy friend now

tho the wording ' his unsheathed penis had at any point touched her genitals '
makes me guess you don't live in the UK

If he had a blowjob, his penis didn't have to be anywhere near her genitals to pick up herpes. She could have had a lesion on her lips.

But yes - sorry but he destoyed your trust twice - by playing away and by bringing an STI into your relationship, time to let him go.

I’ve seen the dr. I went to out of hours at the hospital early Saturday morning as I had used a canesten pessary thinking it was thrush- huge mistake. They tested then snd dropped the bombshell. It didn’t dawn on me that he had cheated until I asked him last night. And I’ve been there for him the entire way through his burnout. 🤷🏻‍♀️
I think if it had been a drunken fumble, but he’s actively sought it out and undoubtedly chatted to lots of couples and women on there.
Does anyone have any experience of the testing? Are they often negatives? Research says that only 20-50% are positive- but then I suppose what would explain my symptoms?

It’s symptoms that are making me struggle. I feel nearly as sore as post childbirth, with a heavy feeling. Feeling as though I have a uti. Shivers, then hot. Aching and generally feeling under the weather. Yes, I’m in the uk- i was minimal in my language and am just really distressed.

Ah OP I’m so sorry. He needs to go NOW.
I mean this kindly, you need an HIV test. My brother wound up in a situation like this with his ex (male) partner and due to it being an “adult event” his partner had attended it was recommended he got one. It was negative but he was ill like yourself and it was Syphillis he had been given. One battle at a time and be so very kind to yourself this was NOT you. Your pig of a partner should be paraded in the street with a sign on explaining what he’s done. I’m so sorry for you. Sending love.

Have they given you antivirals or at least the cream for it? It lessens the length of the outbreak. Some might say it’s too late but take it anyway especially if you are sore. The swabs from the lesions themselves are v accurate and tbh if the test is from a swab, it’s likely to be positive as there’s not much else like it so it’s easy to spot. It will be a question of whether it’s HSV1 or 2. Important to find out as 1 can be milder than 2 (not always but still good to know).

Seconding an HIV test as soon as possible just to put your mind at rest.

I would go and speak to the doctor, they might prescribe antiviral medication to reduce the likelihood of a bad breakout. The first outbreak is the worst.

Dump him ....I got genital herpes 7 months ago but caught it via partners erupting cold sore (no symptoms at the time of doing the deed) I felt bloody awful for the first week with flu like symptoms( even had to call in sick at work) and it took two lots of anti virals before I felt human again ...what did help was the numbing cream,ice packs and peeing on the bath ! Took painkillers too - touch wood I haven't had another flare up but do have a box of anti virals on hand just in case . You do have my sympathy not only for having a twat as a partner but its a bloody awful thing to go through.

Why is everyone telling her to get a test when it clearly says she’s waiting for results in the OP?

He’s a disgusting piece of shit isn’t he? I hope he isn’t the father of your DC?

It’s not really clear from your posts if you have dumped him already?

@MyDarlingRose

Feeling horrendous and so sore, waiting for herpes test results back……In the meantime I have instructed him to get a herpes test asap and a whole raft of other tests for everything……I wasn’t given information or choice and dreading the results back from the tests.

OP says she is waiting for ‘her’ herpes results.

She has instructed him to have a herpes test and ‘a whole raft of other tests for everything’.

She is dreading the results back from ‘the’ tests.

So it sounds like she has had a herpes test and she’s told him to have that plus others. Hence people are naming other tests she should have.

I think it takes HIV 6 months to show up in a test?

I’m getting the impression you haven’t dumped him. Just to preempt his shite:

burn out doesn’t mean shit. No decent person would think “oh, I’ve been exhausted. Better cheat!”

he tried to fob you off with his technicalities

he’s an absolute conniving dickhead.

Please please stand up for yourself and dump him. No dramatic. No arguments. Just b’bye.

What a knuckledragging skidmark your ex is.

Please never see him again.

Not so burnt out he couldn’t stick his penis in someone else apparently.

Also, fab swingers? Yeah, he’s cheated on you a lot.

No one just randomly decides to joint a swinging site out of the blue.

Get that vile creature out of your home.

Oh op, I’m so sorry. What a scum bag, I assume he is now an ex. Get tested yourself immediately (first thing I did when I found my ex cheating: they lie and dont tell you the whole truth - remember that). Then at least you know what you are dealing with. Take the meds given to you. Rest up.

My niece has just gone through this and your symptoms sound exactly like hers, I’d say it’s fairly likely you’ve got herpes I’m afraid. Make sure you get treatment from a sexual health clinic, not a gp surgery as the antiviral treatment needs to be pretty full on. The nurse never dosed her high enough and it got hold, I’m surprised they never gave you them preemptively. Hopefully won’t be much longer, there’s a cream you can get to help with the pain and to pee.

I hope this man is in the bin, there’s absolutely no coming back from this op. Sorry this happened to you it’s a nasty situation and violation x