Boy friend admitted cheating and I’m waiting for herpes results and devastated. What to do next?

[Cremecaramelled]

Feeling horrendous and so sore, waiting for herpes test results back. I spoke to boyfriend last night, who has been suffering from burnout for the past two and half months. I have tried very hard to support him through this. We noticed a lesion on his penis last week after we had had sex, but I knew nothing about herpes and we have been together a year snd a half. I asked him if there had been anybody else, not expecting a positive, he said, he had not had unprotected sex with anyone/ which was dodging the question, so I rephrased and turns out he met a couple on fabswingers and the woman only gave him a blow job. I asked if his unsheathed penis had at any point touched her genitals and he said it had. I suspect that he did have unprotected sex with her. I need to push to find out. In the meantime I have instructed him to get a herpes test asap and a whole raft of other tests for everything. I’m utterly devastated and not sure what to do, how to navigate this. I feel violated- I wasn’t given information or choice and dreading the results back from the tests. It’s excruciating and I’m on summer holidays with my children and am struggling to even get out of bed.

Thanks folks for all your support ❤️.
Update: my results came back yesterday from the hospital. Remember it was just a blowjob- with that in mind we would expect type 1- the cold sore type?
except it was type 2. I hear what everyone is saying and he is now dumped, but I did want to hear the truth. So I went over to see him. I was shaking, in shock, not really sure how I managed to drive. I had still been convincing myself that it was some perimenopausal thrush thing……
i told him that it was type 2 and that he was clearly lying to me. The ‘truth’ is that he shagged two women at a dogging ‘event’- is that the right word?

after I got the results, I didn’t even want my children to touch me- I feel like a leper. He says he wore a condom, but I don’t know what to believe anymore. I asked him why he hadn’t told me the truth snd he said it was damage limitation 🤷🏻‍♀️.

I’ve been on the phone to the herpes association- lovely people and really helpful.

I know you are in shock and he was clearly lying.
Buy you will get over it and live a normal life.

I'm sorry sorry to hear that. Good your getting some support from specialists. I would never speak to him again

He is a vile, rancid pig. I am so sorry he has done this op. I am glad you have ditched his revolting, lying arse, now focus on getting yourself well.

God he’s a disgusting liar. You almost want to put his name out there for all to see as a public health warning. I pity whatever poor woman’s path crosses with his next.

Vile man. Dump him move on. I’ve had herpes type 2 for nearly 30 years, had about 3 or 4 breakouts in that time. Nothing is as bad as the first one, so you’ll never feel this shit again.

I’ve led a perfectly normal life. Had a child. I’m 50 next year. It has not affected my life at all.

What will affect your life is staying with that pig of man!

Wishing you the best

Get some strong Vitamin D, Vitamin C, Zinc. Have lots of “salt washes” this will pass and most people I know who have it (which is more than you think) only ever have a couple of breakouts in their lifetime.

Get some L-Lysine too OP.

@tonystarksrighthand - thanks for sharing. I’m nearly same age as you. Have you really only had 3/4 outbreaks in that time? I’m so wiped out and terrified of outbreaks. I’ve been sore and unwell for over a week.

Can I ask - how does it affect your sex life? I feel as though that’s no longer a part of my life. Thank you x

Will these help long term? Thank you. 🙏

I had read about this - I’m awaiting my Amazon delivery. Does it work?

First time I caught it I was 20, I was so unwell, so unwell they thought I had glandular fever. I didn’t, bastard boyfriend at the time gave me herpes. It lasted about 3 weeks, but made a full recovery with salt washes, Vit D, C and zinc.

Then I’ve had honestly about 3/4 outbreaks since that last no longer than 5 - 10 days and it’s just sore, no fever or feeling unwell.

Has never interfered with my sex life, I’ve never knowingly passed it on (I’ve been honest) and you can allegedly only pass on when in a breakout.

You’ll be surprised how many others actually live with it.

You will be ok OP, ditch that idiot and embrace your upcoming 50’s.

Concentrate right now on recovering physically. Yes, get some L-Lysine too. Eat well, enjoy this sunshine and move on.

You WILL be ok

Yes - but more right now for the healing and getting your body back to health

Just ordered them all- thank you! Plus new lsundry powder- I know it’s only skin on skin contact, but I’m super scared for my children. Going to wash everything. You’ve made me feel a lot more positive @tonystarksrighthand - thank you xx

Dump him immediately and hope you don't have herpes- and be more careful with your partner choices in future- why would you be with someone who looks for people on hook up sites?

I’ve been there. Get off here now too haha 🌺 look after yourself x

I have herpes too OP. You are so doing the right thing talking to the Herpes Association, they're fab. When I was diagnosed I was really upset and the lovely doctor pretty much told me to get over myself, herpes is really common and that both her and her mother have it too. It so helped me to know that it's just normal.

After my first episode I have never had another one - and it's 15 years now.

Really look after yourself and treat yourself well. This is just a blip that happens to millions of people.

I also have HSV2 but I was getting very frequent outbreaks (I have it on my skin, on my shoulder) so I now take Valtrex as suppressive therapy and I’ve now not had an outbreak in a year. Even if you do get it frequently, and some people do, you can take the antivirals to stop it. Mine is triggered by my period, by being in the sun and by being rundown. It’s worth just watching to see what triggers yours and seeing if you can figure it out. None of the vitamins or lysine did anything for me but I think I have quite a virulent strain.

good luck with it all - the herpes association will be super helpful. Don’t spurn modern medicine if you need it!

Hi @BarrelofBeer , thanks for this. Trying to think of it like that is easier, but I’m still really angry that I have it through no fault of my own.

I can completely understand that @Cremecaramelled .

OP my DW got it before meeting me in our late teens, I didn't know until she became pregnant over 10yrs later when the pregnancy caused a mild outbreak. We've been together 25yrs now, no other outbreaks and I have no idea whether I have it too, but we've shagged a million times and I've had no outbreaks. It hasn't affected anything.

And he's a twat.

Absolutely IME. I caught it 15 years ago.

One flare up (first and symptoms exactly as you describe, also delirium of some sort? I am not usually clumsy but I walked into a glass door, fell over after one glass of wine, things of that sort).

Second flare-up, nowhere near as bad just one small sore. Started taking L-Lysine.
Third just one tiny little mark on me, had I not been paranoid as hell I wouldn't have even noticed it.

Still take L-Lysine, sometimes forget nowadays but usually take one most days. I've only had one outbreak since and it wasn't anything really. A small sore that I noticed but no pain and it only lasted a day or so. I am sure it works.

I'm sorry-it is possible that someone can get symptoms from years ago, only saying as this might help anyone else who thinks their partner has cheated, but clearly in your case he's admitted cheating. I wouldn't want to be with someone who'd met a couple like that, of course it is your choice if you want to give him another chance.

@pinafour - hi thanks for this! It’s reassuring! I didn’t know what was wrong with me and the day it really hit me, I gave my friend a lift to the station and nearly crashed- I was really struggling to drive and was very clumsy and confused- I thought it was my perimenopause, but makes sense now.

I’ve got the lysine and zinc and taking them. Fingers crossed folks. Thank you for all your input. 😊