How to show ex you won’t take him back

[Jessica2004]

Hi everyone I’ve just ended my engagement. I have broken up with him a couple of times in the last year and stopped speaking for 2 months each time but after him begging for another just I give in and break the no contact only to find nothing has changed. I know I shouldn’t have but I really love him and find it so hard to forget him. I do well for a while but then the thought of him moving on kills me so I end up going back as I can’t stand the thought of him being with someone else. I figured that means I love him enough not to lose him. Tonight I ended it though as I cannot handle being mistreated anymore. I told him I won’t block him but I won’t respond in any way. I really don’t want to block him yet. Does anyone have any tips on how to show him I’m serious this time and I won’t be coming back? I think he thinks I’m bluffing so I want him to know it’s really over, thanks

You block him that’s how you show him

you do not contact him and if he tries to contact you another way you ignore

If you don’t block him he will come back. My daughter had to take that painful step last night. Block, unfriend on socials change your relationship status to single.

And if you want to make sure there is no way back let your mum give him a few well chosen words Yeah I did that too.

I had a 3 month fling wih a buff soldier! Def wasn't going back after that!

Ignore him. Indifference is the true opposite of love. And if you're not there yet, fake it till you make it.

I really don’t want to block him yet. Does anyone have any tips on how to show him I’m serious this time and I won’t be coming back?

this is your problem.

If you do what you've always done,
you'll get what you've always got.

you need to block him.
you didn't last time or the time before that, and you ended up taking him back.

you need to learn from your past, the only way to rid yourself of someone who mistreats you is to say to yourself "you're dead to me" and mean it.

block
unfriend
move on
change your life, do something different, move house, get a new hobby, change your job, reinvent yourself, be a new better version of you that he doesn't even know,

Thanks for the replies. I just really want to see if he’s remorseful and if he texts me anything showing he’s sorry for what he’s done. If I block him I’ll never know. I’m really heartbroken I just can never forget him every time I’ve tried

I think you are bluffing too.

I agree block/ignore/total silence.

But you also need to actively do something to keep the will to do this and allow you to move on.

You have identified that you need to finish it. Now drill down and identify and name and keep repeating all those reasons. Decide that you deserve to be treated with respect and what firm boundaries you need to start implementing for your future.

This needs implementing be a daily reinforcement - you may find therapy, life coaching, ChatGPT, journaling, books, reading online and wise friends are all a help.

Its like getting fit - you just have to keep doing the things that you know is good for you, over and over and over, day in and day out - you can’t afford to ever let up.

I haven’t blocked my ex, but I never ever ever read or acknowledge his texts/emails. . It’s total radio silence on my end.

look up trauma bonding and other similar things. Sooner or later you will have a moment of recognition - and will understand why you keep going back

You have to block him

You’re going straight back to him the second he drops the smallest breadcrumb of contact. Sadly.
When you’re ready to stop letting him treat you like this then you’ll block him. Sounds like you’ll be back on the rollercoaster for a while yet.
Love isn’t enough. Decency and respect are also required. When you realise that, then you’ll be ready to move on from him. Wanting to know what he says tells me that you’ve not had enough yet. It’ll happen, eventually.
Just don’t have kids with him.

Thanks everyone. Does anyone know how to handle your emotions if you find out your ex has moved on? I’m scared of hearing about that one day in future I have anxiety over it

Why would he be remorseful?

So you don't really want to end it at all, you want him to come crawling back with sorry and promises that he will change. He won't change. You've broken up with him before and nothing has changed. The definition of madness is to keep doing the same thing and expecting a different outcome. Stop wasting your life on someone who mistreats you. It won't get better.

Unless I've lost my mind, surely the only way is simply by not taking them back.
Are you trying to make it a production?

How old are you both, what has he done wrong this time / last time/ time before that. ? It sounds like you're on a merry go round and you don't really know what you want, so as a knee jerk reaction, you just split up for a while, then get back together without any changes being made.

It sounds like you just want him to think you’re done but you’re open to the idea of him winning you back still!
when you’re really done you’ll know no apologies can fix anything. Block and delete.
plus do you really think blocking someone means they’re incapable of apologising or getting in touch again .. really?

I won’t go back this time but I just want to see if he cared that it’s over to see if he did ever love me or if our whole relationship was a lie. I just feel I need to know that for closure. He spent all day today telling me how much he loved me and 2 hours later he told me that he couldn’t handle me. When he said that out of nowhere I ended it. One minute he loves me the next he acts like he can’t stand me. I just don’t understand what’s going on.

Why does it matter, it's only words, he can say anything but it's action that matter, and his actions proves he doesn't care about you otherwise you wouldn't be on this merry go round. Cry your tears, get mad / angry/ whatever, then just crack on with your own life, with your head held high.

Even if he does feel a version of love, it’s selfish and stunted and not what you deserve. You deserve to be respected and cherished and cared for. Keep repeating this.

Why would you want to live this drama?
It sounds exhausting but I don’t think you’re finished, back in you pop.

Thanks that’s actually exactly what I told him today that it’s just words and his actions show the opposite

Block him! You are worth much more than what he has to offer.

When he moves on, feel relieved:

1. He has finally realised you mean what you say!
2. He is someone else’s problem now!

By blocking him? But you won’t… so maybe you are not over him like you claim

You will end up wasting more of your life. He is not sorry.

You are vulnerable to his manipulation. You cannot allow him to get to you.

Time will heal you.

Don’t be like my daughter. Her and her boyfriend have split
up for the 4th and final time in the space of 5 months. Each time it hurt a little less as he treated her pretty badly in the last months. Each time friends and family were thinking wtf? Where is your self esteem, your pride?

So I’m giving you you same advice. However much you think you loved him, love yourself more. I mean really love yourself more,. What would you say to your best friend going through this? Look at yourself in the mirror and say aloud “I deserve so much more than the crumbs he’s offering “

My daughter’s ex hooked up with an ex booked into a hotel and had a shag and wasn’t secret about it. She is so humiliated and feels so betrayed.

Learn from this tale and don’t make it your reality.