How to show ex you won’t take him back

[Jessica2004]

Hi everyone I’ve just ended my engagement. I have broken up with him a couple of times in the last year and stopped speaking for 2 months each time but after him begging for another just I give in and break the no contact only to find nothing has changed. I know I shouldn’t have but I really love him and find it so hard to forget him. I do well for a while but then the thought of him moving on kills me so I end up going back as I can’t stand the thought of him being with someone else. I figured that means I love him enough not to lose him. Tonight I ended it though as I cannot handle being mistreated anymore. I told him I won’t block him but I won’t respond in any way. I really don’t want to block him yet. Does anyone have any tips on how to show him I’m serious this time and I won’t be coming back? I think he thinks I’m bluffing so I want him to know it’s really over, thanks

Be serious by meaning it to yourself then you won’t need to block him. Life’s too short op you don’t really love him as if you did you wouldn’t break up in the first place

Don't play games. Grow up

End the relationship

Walk away. Respect yourself. Get some therapy so you don't play games again

Try reading the book Why Does He Do That and look up trauma bonds. I am in a similar situation and it's helping me. You need to break the cycle. You are addicted. It's hard but you can do it.

Write down all the bed stuff he did and keep reading To yourself so you dont forget why you've ended it.

You don't need to convince him, you need to convince yourself.

Sometimes they don’t get the hint until you’ve found a new relationship.

Of course he'll text you that hes remorseful. Thats what abusers do to worm their way back in.

The harsh truth of it is, you don't want to block him, because you know fine well you'll take him back when he starts begging again. So you might as well just take him back now and save him the bother of the fake tears and apologies.

If you don't want him back, block him.

Are you sure you won’t go back, it does read a little like you want him to beg so you can take him back.

how does he mistreat you? I’m not really sure the saying can’t handle you falls into that bracket. Why did he spend all day telling you he loves you? Thay it itself is a concern.

You need to block him to show your resolve to yourself as well as him to move on.
You will cry a lot at first, then feel desperately lonely, then cry some more. The way out is to change your mindset. You tried a relationship and some things worked and other things didnt. It was nobody's fault so it's unreasonable to look for remorse. Neither of you were perfect and neither is at fault. You need to stop relying on a partner to be happy. I joined a female only gym, got fit, worked hard, got promoted and most importantly seized every social invitation as an opportunity to make different friends.

What difference does it make? He can be genuinely remorseful at the time but people don't change OP and the more you go back for more of the same, the more he'll do it.

The definition of insanity is to keep doing the same thing and expecting different results. Or something....

You're wasting your years on this person. Really hope there aren't any kids involved.

Doesn't matter if he's remorseful, it's the fact that he's doing it in the first place. Anyone can express remorse.

He WILL get another gf, and you should feel sorry for HER.

Because I promise that it's not because of you that he behaves like a negging shiftless that, it's because of HIM. He won't be any better to her than he was to you, she will suffer. Or she will do like you - dump him and move on with her life.

Op, look up limerence. That's what you're feeling. It's just brain chemicals creating a delusion. It is NOT real.

If you have decided it’s over, it’s over

I agree on this. My ex was not abusive but discarded me out of yge blue. I was so upset. He contacted me about a month later asking me to send his keys back. I remember thinking silence is my best weapon. U can go it. U deserve a decent relationship

You have to block. That’s the only way. Block and delete number so you can’t find it and unblock it. I blocked my ex who was awful to me and never looked back. It took me nearly a year to block, it’s now been over a year since I did and won’t ever look back. You deserve more than this.

You never get closure from the other person. Its impossible so stop trying.

You block him, Then you focus on yourself.

Unfortunately, wanting closure, acknowledgement, accountability and, ultimately, change, is why relatinships like this carry on for way too long. The reality is that if he was actually able to acknowledge his failures and faults, you wouldn't be breaking up with him in the first place. You/d have worked through any issues.

So really, what you want, is fo rhim to genuinely acknowledge his faults, and change, so that you can take him back as a new man.

You need to work on accepting who he really is and not who you want him to be.

block him and get some counselling to deal with your feelings and work out why you feel this way.

Stop trying to understand him.

Start trying to understand why you have such low self-esteem that you are allowing yourself to be pulled back into an abuser's grasp.

Why is it all about him still?
He won't believe you've moved on until you're married to someone else! And maybe even then he'll try it on, as he's such a catch why would you resist?
If you let him come back without changing anything every time you end it, why would he believe it.
You don't get closure from someone like this. He'll never show remorse or regret as he feels none.
You have to block, keep busy, and eventually you will care a lot less.

You don't need to show your ex that you won't take him back.

You need to convince yourself first.

Honestly, you’ll never get the closure you need or want.

Block the man, and get therapy instead to help you move on with your life. The charity Relate offers free or discounted rates if that’s a struggle. I’ve used them several times and they’ve been brilliant. Now’s the time to dig into yourself rather than crawl back to him begging for answers. Good luck. And don’t talk to him.

Is that because it means he won’t take you back?

you do seem to end this a lot, and haven’t explained how he mistreats you other than he spent all day having to tell you he loved you before telling you he couldn’t handle it any more. That’s not mistreatment, it would indicate you mistreating him. So it would be good to get a back story.

it reads like you want him to think you’re serious this time, but I’m not sure you are.

Op, you will go back
You are looking for any crumb of evidence which will indicate that he is a changed man . He is not and will never be what you want.
You need to block him
If you don’t you will be on here in a few months with the same issues
it is up to you

Block him.

You obviously are planning on taking him back then aren’t you, if you can’t convince us you won’t convince him