How to show ex you won’t take him back

[Jessica2004]

Hi everyone I’ve just ended my engagement. I have broken up with him a couple of times in the last year and stopped speaking for 2 months each time but after him begging for another just I give in and break the no contact only to find nothing has changed. I know I shouldn’t have but I really love him and find it so hard to forget him. I do well for a while but then the thought of him moving on kills me so I end up going back as I can’t stand the thought of him being with someone else. I figured that means I love him enough not to lose him. Tonight I ended it though as I cannot handle being mistreated anymore. I told him I won’t block him but I won’t respond in any way. I really don’t want to block him yet. Does anyone have any tips on how to show him I’m serious this time and I won’t be coming back? I think he thinks I’m bluffing so I want him to know it’s really over, thanks

Thing is OP, if he truly did change, and truly wanted to make a go of it, he'd find a way to contact you. Block him on everything. Then you won't be tormented by checking your phone and sm all the time. He'd find a way.

just feel I need to know that for closure

You're stuck in a dead relationship with a guy who jerks you around because he can.

Closure is a myth. You make your own closure by making him dead to you. Since he's dead, you block him, don't talk to him, don't look at his SM, delete all that, don't engage with him, he gets none of your life or headspace. He's gone. You move on. Do things with friends, fill your life with things that benefit you, but you move forward, not back.

You don’t want to block him because you still want contact

It doesn’t sound like you’re ready to end it despite it clearly being awful…

”I figured that means I love him enough not to lose him.”

This isn’t true. I think women are wired to keep going with (shit) relationships (stops us from leaving our kids).

Put some time into yourself and your self-esteem and into understanding why you’re happy to keep going with a crappy, failing relationship.

Move on first?

Chances are you will take him back @Jessica2004 though

You’re like a recovering alcoholic who keeps a bottle of wine in the house if you don’t block him.
He will contact you next time he’s horny as he knows you’re soft. History has shown that you can’t resist if he comes knocking so be kind to yourself and block the temptation. You won’t recover as long as you’re hoping that he will text with some soothing words.

Next time he’s horny, he’ll happily text an apology to get sex. History says that you’ll melt and he’ll get what he wants and the cycle starts again.

You can’t feel better until you create as much distance from him as possible. By not blocking him, you are saying that you don’t really mean that it’s over. Your head knows he’s trouble and it needs to protect your heart because he knows you’re soft and want him begging for forgiveness.

If he was sorry he would have said so already. Looking for an apology now is a waste of time.

You have to make your own closure.

Don't look to people who stab you to pull the knife out.
It’s not going to happen.

Block him. Change your locks if he’s ever had a key to your home. And tell your family and friends how abusive he has been to you so that they can support you and so that he can’t manipulate them into being his mouthpiece for taking him back.

You have to love YOU. Be your own protector. Think of the little girl you once were and ask yourself what she deserves. Cause she’s still you. Be her champion. Keep her safe.

Get under someone else and he’ll go away 😆

so you are bluffing, and he can say all the right things to get you back?

He can say what he likes, it’s only words.
Have more respect for yourself and block him straight away. That way, he can’t hurt you any more.
The sooner you get him out of your life and out of you head, the sooner you will be able to move on to better things.

why would he be remorseful when nothing changed? he will never change.

Just block him.