I'm looking for people who are married to Algerian men or who understand that culture who might be able to share/relate to my experiences.
So I have been married to my Algerian husband for 14 years, we share four sons.
Last May, his brother was arrested in Algeria on dr*g charges and has been on remand in prison there ever since. I feel like this situation has bought out the worst in our marriage although there are so many other issues.
Last year he spent a total of three months (not all in one go) in Algeria looking after his parents, brother's wife and kids and brother's court case, following the arrest.
He has left full time work and now works as a freelance agency chef in order to facilitate regular trips to Algeria. This has caused financial strain and long periods on lone parenting (he's just returned from another trip last week) my family don't live close by so it's just me looking after the boys.
Last year, he also moved out for two months after he left because I was 'fake' and unsupportive for disagreeing that he should leave work and travel regularly abroad. His parents also labelled me a 'trouble maker' over this.
I do 95% of the parenting (cooking, cleaning, homework, bathing) as a well as taking children to sports and looking after their emotional needs. He says I'm lazy and unclean ( his mother bleaches the floor every morning) and that I do nothing.
He's trying to push me back into work, as he resents financial responsibility despite the fact our youngest two are babies, whilst saying that he won't quit work to facilitate me getting a job.
He's moved out and travelled abroad about 5 seperate times in the past two years and our eldest son, in particular is very angry with him and feels abandoned, yet he struggles to understand this saying he should ' respect him above all else'.
We got married in an Islamic bookshop with two strangers as witnesses and later in the registry office for his visa obligations. No wedding, no dress, no honeymoon. At the time I was only 21, I'm not materialistic so didn't mind too much but the marriage has reap no rewards for my sacrifices.
We're living in poor accommodation, he has no drive or motivation, happy to scrape-by or 'just survive ' that's life, he says. I'm currently undertaking a degree course in the evenings and want to buy a home but doesn't mind going with the wind. He even wants to become a UK national to claim benefits which I find really hard to understand as I consider that to be people's last resort.
We've never celebrated a anniversary, valentine's day or my birthday or mother's day, he says these things don't matter.
I think we're just fundamentally different with very different values but it's weird as he started out nicer and more caring. Now it's like he has zero commitment to the boys and I.
I'm Christian and Muslim so I think we had very fundamental difference ideas on responsibility and what's important, but in the first few years these things didn't really come up, maybe the more you know someone your get down to their core?
He's also very individualistic, self serving would rather spend a day off alone than with the kids and I.
Is anyone's experience similar, are these fundamental cultural differences or is he just a crappy person. The marriage is pretty much over but I need some insight into what his thought process might be, for the sake of our children.