Is this considered flirting?

[Aleyna20]

Hi everyone I was looking for some input please. I’m engaged and my fiance was away on a business trip. There is a close friend of mine whose brother previously admitted to being in love with me (whilst I was single). Nothing happened at that time. However I sometimes see him in group settings with his sister. It was his sisters birthday last week and he texted me asking if he could pick me up on his way to the party (as he knew my fiance was away and he lives down the road). I stupidly shared this with my fiance without thinking he’d have an issue with it. But he ended up having a huge argument with me about it. He said it was inappropriate that he had texted me and I had responded especially since I know he had feelings for me. I didn’t want to be rude so I couldn’t ignore his text that’s the only reason I replied. Was I wrong? Is my fiance right or is he over reacting? Thanks 🙏🏻

Your fiance is overreacting, it was a helpful lift to a party not a marriage proposal.

Thanks I didn’t even accept the lift as I knew he wouldn’t be happy about it. He’s just upset I even responded to the text but I thought it’d be awkward to ignore him as I would be seeing him at the birthday. He has now told me I have to avoid going anywhere where I know he would be

Run. This is hust completely unacceptable behavior from your fiancé. Think about what a crazy, suspicious, slut based model he has of you to order you not to take a lift from an old friend. If you marry him its going to get worse.

I think it’s a bit of an over reaction he’s probably upset because he knows this specific friend has feelings for you. To be honest I wouldn’t be happy if my fiance got a lift or text from a girl that was in love with him

This - with bells on. Brilliant post pikkumyy77. Very very wise advice.

What an utter prat. I would find that level of insecurity very unattractive.

When you were single and friends with this man you didn't reciprocate his feelings? Now all of a sudden you could be interested while you're engaged? Your fiance certainly has a low opinion of himself.

Or there's another likely alternative. The cliché "I DO trust you but I don't trust HIM" Are you not a grown woman with agency? Or does he think a woman's role is largely incidental?

I think your fiance has revealed more about himself here than he realises and i would be giving serious thought to whether I wanted to marry him.

Lot of nativity on this thread already including OP. Anyone who thinks the guy was just being friendly and helpful offering a lift really doesn’t know anything about men. He admitted he’s in love with her fgs. He know the fiancée is away and is taking the opportunity to be along with OP. Fiancée was absolutely right to be angry, I would be to if my fiancée had done anything other than shut it down.

Typical MN over reaction.

I’d be extremely wary of marrying him if that’s his reaction to the offer of a lift. I encourage you to assess and be objective - is he controlling in other areas? Is it the once or has something like this happened before? I assume it has because you say you didn’t accept the lift as you knew he wouldn’t like it. I wouldn’t want a lifetime of stepping in eggshells.

I dunno,I wouldn’t want my fiancé maintaining a relationship with someone who said they were in love with him. Despite the previous comments I don’t think most people would be happy with a friendship continuing in this circumstance.
Perhaps your fiancé was unreasonable in the argument, but you haven’t really included details on that.

She said no thanks.
Sounds like the declaration of love was a while ago, people moved on.
Control freak fiancée still had an issue.

Op - Remind your fiancé that you're a grown adult who is fully capable of deciding who she will and won't talk to and his permission is not required.

Honestly nip this possessive shit in the bud now. If you can't, you should reconsider marriage because it won't improve.

I think he should no longer be your fiancé. This is insanely controlling behaviour.

What’s the brother like? He may be a better option for a life partner.

Not really. He’s angry with OP for replying to turn down the lift. Which is insane. And now he’s demanding she doesn’t go to the party. Or any social event the brother is at.

That’s far from normal behaviour. No woman should want to marry a man who behaves like this.

She’s not continuing a friendship, she’s turning down a lift. The Fiancé is still angry WITH HER. And now stopping her from going to the party or any e ent he happens to be at, despite her demonstrating she turns down his approaches.

I think your fiancé was overreacting and controlling but I also don’t think this guys intentions were innocent. Men will take any opportunity if they think there’s an ‘in’ and this sounds like one to me.

Him not wanting u to get a lift from someone who has said he is in love is valid in my opinion. Is he saying he does not trust the man or u? How would you feel if the tables were turned?

The fiance should be slightly annoyed with the bloke as he clearly had an ulterior motive for asking if he could pick her up. But not with OP who did nothing wrong and didn't even accept the lift.

That's assuming fiance knows this back story of the guy alleging he was 'in love'. But he should know she wouldn't do anything now as she didn't when she was single!

He knew your fiance was away.

You know he fancies you.

You actively decided to share this with your fiance - this wasnt even worth mentioning unless you have literally nothing else going on in your life.

You all know exactly what youre doing

What @pikkumyy77 said.

Lots of conflation going on among the posters who think the fiancé is being reasonable!

Is it reasonable to be pissed off with the other guy blatantly sniffing around - sure

Is it reasonable to get angry with your fiancée because of something someone else did - of course it fucking isn’t, it’s a massive overreaction at the very best and at worst it’s a sign that he’s a controlling arsehole.

OP you need to put a strong marker down here. He’s behaving like a jerk and you should be furious with him. If he doubles down or can’t reflect on what he’s done, your life with him in the future is quite likely to be hellish and you might need to rethink everything.

Stop with the ulterior motive shit. The man had a crush on her years ago, they didn't even have a relationship. He offered a lift to his sister's party, zero evidence that it was for nefarious purposes. The red flag here is the controlling fiancé.

Why is it so hard to believe he offered her a lift because he fancies her and knew the fiance was away? They're both men. Both capable of being dicks. I agree that the fiance sounds controlling.

No trust and control red flag. Un-fiance him

This

How naive are you?