Is this considered flirting?

[Aleyna20]

Hi everyone I was looking for some input please. I’m engaged and my fiance was away on a business trip. There is a close friend of mine whose brother previously admitted to being in love with me (whilst I was single). Nothing happened at that time. However I sometimes see him in group settings with his sister. It was his sisters birthday last week and he texted me asking if he could pick me up on his way to the party (as he knew my fiance was away and he lives down the road). I stupidly shared this with my fiance without thinking he’d have an issue with it. But he ended up having a huge argument with me about it. He said it was inappropriate that he had texted me and I had responded especially since I know he had feelings for me. I didn’t want to be rude so I couldn’t ignore his text that’s the only reason I replied. Was I wrong? Is my fiance right or is he over reacting? Thanks 🙏🏻

Thanks for the replies. The only reason I told my fiance is we don’t hide things from eachother & we talk a lot even whilst he’s away on business. I thought telling him I didn’t accept the lift would make him happy I was just surprised with his reaction as I thought that he trusted me & my judgement. I’m not the type to cheat if I wasn’t happy in my relationship I would end it not cheat.

I think the 'friend' is behaving badly in offering a lift and your partner knows this. He has declared his love for you, still has feelings for you and is trying to get close to you while your partner is away. I would not have replied. Of course you can ignore a text if you want to. I'm not saying you are wrong to reply but neither is your partner wrong to be annoyed about the whole situation. How would you feel if he was getting lifts off a woman who is in love with him while you were away? Not very happy about it I expect.

No no never, don't let him dictate what you can or can't do, who you can or can't speak to, ever. Don't pander to his insecurities, they are not yours to fix Op

He said it was inappropriate that he had texted me and I had responded especially since I know he had feelings for me. I didn’t want to be rude so I couldn’t ignore his text that’s the only reason I replied. Was I wrong

Yes, it was inappropriate, and he knows that, and he likely asked to do this knowing your fiance was away. Note - he asked if he could pick you up. He didn't ask if you needed a lift, which is different and would have given you an easier way out of it.

This isn't someone who said they thought you were pretty - he said he was in love with you. Yes I think you were wrong to accept. All you had to do was say thank you for the offer, but you'd be making your way there on your own or later on. No need to offer an explanation. I can sympathise people saying things because they're caught off guard in the moment, but you did have time to think before you texted back.

I think it's likely this guy was looking for a way to spend time with just you and him, and your fiance is disappointed that you didn't see that, and didn't assert appropriate distance. It's not just up to our partners to trust no matter what. It's up to us, I think, to create emotional safety for them too. I'd encourage you to consider what you would feel like if tables were turned.

How has he got your phone number?

I wouldn't be happy with my partner being taken to a party by someone who has said they're in love with him. It's inappropriate really.

Sorry OP, I think I've misread your post. You didn't accept the lift did you? All you did was text back to decline, is that correct?

If so, that's fine, and I think your fiance is overreacting. He is expecting almost rudeness from you towards this guy instead of distance, in a situation that I don't think warrants that yet, especially in a situation regarding shared friends where that could create a social issue for you.

I'm sympathetic why your fiance doesn't like it, but he needs to pipe down now.

Typical MN under reaction. This has 🚩🚩🚩all over it.

Hmm....in your shoes I'd be creating more distance between you than you are now. He doesn't seem to be getting the message, does he?

Absolutely agree with this but what's Christmas got to do with it? 😂

Crikey an old friend who is a plumber once serviced my central heating (that's not an euphemism). I mentioned to my partner a while later that we slept together numerous times years earlier as a fwb relationship. My partner didn't blink an eye. He knows we keep in touch sporadically.

Your partner is being ridiculous and downright controlling, you didn't even go out with this guy and he's not happy not that makes a difference. Don't marry him it will get worse.

If you talk about everything with your fiancé then talk about the fact his overreaction is a massive red flag.

Yes of course I did I was really upset about it

Yes after he crossed the line with the comments knowing I’m engaged I won’t be speaking or seeing him

We’re old family friends since childhood & his sister is my best friend

Yes I didn’t accept the lift. I also thought my fiance is over reacting since I thought being honest & showing him I’m not being friendly would help remove his insecurities but he reacted in a way I didn’t expect.

Yes I understand your point. If it was a random guy I absolutely would’ve blocked him but because he’s a family friend from childhood and my best friend’s brother out of politeness I replied as I felt it would’ve been awkward with my friend. I won’t reply in future though as my fiance was hurt by it

This does sound like someone it isn’t safe to be with long term. Don’t marry someone who doesn’t trust you to be in the same room as someone who was once attracted to you. Getting engaged should have given him the sense of security that you chose him. You also should be able to share anything with the person you plan to spend the rest of your life with without it blowing up.

He is over reacting