Is this considered flirting?

[Aleyna20]

Hi everyone I was looking for some input please. I’m engaged and my fiance was away on a business trip. There is a close friend of mine whose brother previously admitted to being in love with me (whilst I was single). Nothing happened at that time. However I sometimes see him in group settings with his sister. It was his sisters birthday last week and he texted me asking if he could pick me up on his way to the party (as he knew my fiance was away and he lives down the road). I stupidly shared this with my fiance without thinking he’d have an issue with it. But he ended up having a huge argument with me about it. He said it was inappropriate that he had texted me and I had responded especially since I know he had feelings for me. I didn’t want to be rude so I couldn’t ignore his text that’s the only reason I replied. Was I wrong? Is my fiance right or is he over reacting? Thanks 🙏🏻

Worrying level of controlling behaviour from your fiancé.
For a start said bloke may not be in love with you any longer. Any number of other men may be in love with you, and not confessed their feelings, is your fiancé going to ban you going anywhere with possibly adoring men ? He will be banning any male friends next. Also you are not responsible for how someone else feels, you shouldn’t have to alter your behaviour at all.
I don’t think it’s a good sign that he’s this jealous and possessive, doesn’t he trust you ?

He sounds very jealous and distrusting, it's not outrageous flirting so I'd be very wary about his attitude

Totally agree with this. No guy would go out of their way to offer a lift to someone without ulterior motives. I think it’s obvious he still has feelings and maybe your fiance is aware of that

Literally the only thing the OP did was say ‘no thank you’. Is anyone seriously arguing that this justifies her boyfriend being angry with her?

Anger is just such a fucking childish response in this situation anyway. ‘Someone fancies my girlfriend and is chancing their arm, this justifies me having a tantrum at my girlfriend’. Infantile ragey twats.

OP turned down the lift. Fiancé knows this.

There is no reason for him to be angry with her.

So because a bloke fancies your girlfriend That’s a reason to be angry at your girlfriend, even though she rejected bloke’s advances, and to ban her from going out anywhere there’s a bloke who fancies her?!?!

JFC what century are some of the women on this thread from?!

All of this is spot on.

I wouldn't be happy if a girl who admitted she was in love with my husband suddenly found a reason to be alone with him the moment I was out of the picture for an evening!

Edit - although do agree the anger is misdirected at OP!

No of course it wasn't flirting, someone offered you a lift and you accepted.

Your fiance is a horribly jealous controlling arsehole who doesn't trust you or anyone else to not be shagging everything in sight the minute his back is turned.

DO NOT MARRY HIM.

You're with your fiancé surely he trusts you or doesn't he?
I'd be bothered by this you didn't accept the lift you declined that's enough.
Fiancé doesn't need such a tight grip on you bare that in mind .

It makes me anxious just reading that. I couldn't live like that, him having a go at you replying to a text is controlling. How would he react if you actually accepted the lift? Is he usually controlling? Do you feel like you'd walking on egg shells around him?

He offered a lift, you replied and said no. Case closed.

If this was the other way around, ie a DP with the offer if a lift from another woman (who fancies him), everyone would be going mad and saying NO, this is completely unacceptable!!

No way. You shouldn't have told your fiancee that he was previously in love with you but at the same time it was years ago and feelings change! Seems like you see him as more of a brother so why shouldn't you see him?
Also where does your fiancee get off? He can't dictate to you who you can and cannot see. He either trusts you or he doesn't.

OP not coming back? Is it just me fed up with people posting, everyone gives their views, & we rarely hear any more?

he's over reacting.

a guy who fancied you years ago offered to give you a lift. that's it. that's not flirting.

This.

You 100% did the right thing and you even told your fiance (as you should in any healthy relationship). Your fiance is being insecure and taking it out on you. Maybe mention that you should be able to share these things without him getting jealous if he trusts you otherwise next time you will just keep it to yourself if it will just cause arguments and you don’t want that kind of relationship where you have to police what you tell him.

Glowglowdancer · Yesterday 10:12
He knew your fiance was away.
You know he fancies you.
You actively decided to share this with your fiance - this wasnt even worth mentioning unless you have literally nothing else going on in your life.
You all know exactly what youre doing

Yeah, I think I agree with this.

RED FLAGGGGGG!!!! Is this batshittery which will more than likely escalate how you want to spend the rest of your life?

Ridiculous reaction from DF

Your fiancé is overreacting by making it a row, but I wouldn't assume this other man is innocent in his intentions either.

I would distance myself from a man who has professed to be in love with me so as not to lead them on, and draw a polite but firm boundary for the good of my actual relationship.

It was not appropriate for him to text you like that and on some level it sounds like you knew it was wrong. Do you enjoy the attention? Are there any issues with your current relationship? (I'm not judging, just some questions to ask yourself honestly. It's your life, and I support any decisions you make!)

I would normally ask a man for their opinion on this sort of thing rather than women, who tend to assume it's innocent. Men have told me otherwise!

I asked my DP and he immediately said your friend's brother is probably still interested and low key looking for opportunities to get in your good books in case it doesn't work out with your fiancé! Watch out! Men are tricky, and your fiancé knows it!

I’m on your fiancé’s side and can’t believe the over reactions from people saying he’s a psycho. Imagine if a woman said she was in love with him then sneakily knew you were working away and offered him a lift. Definitely ulterior motives.

Fgs even if it is naive thinking the op is a grown adult. If he was stupid enough to make advances on someone who is engaged to be married to someone else she is well able to rebuff any advance . Why does he want her avoiding every party this man is at ? What does he think is going to happen ?

Thanks yes unfortunately he is still interested. He has said many things to me which I haven’t shared with my fiance & I have made it clear to him that I’m engaged & it’s inappropriate. I agree with what your DP said. The only reason I told my fiance is because we tend to share everything & he’s a bit insecure so I thought if I said the truth & that I didn’t go he was feel reassured that it’s one-sided.