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Relationships

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Toxic obsession with an ex who treats me like a hookup—should I just keep sleeping with him?

53 replies

HealingHeart8 · 22/07/2026 20:45

I fell in love with a guy and we became "official." Out of nowhere, after 8 months, he dumped me for no reason. Turns out he was cheating on me the whole time and had another woman. After a while, he came back, said he regretted it, and because I loved him, I believed him and took him back. But guess what? He hadn't dropped the other woman at all.
Looking back, I realize he never actually saw me as a girlfriend; he put zero effort into me and never even bought me a single gift. I was basically just a convenience to him. Furious, I went to find the other girl and told her everything. Instead of being reasonable, she blamed me, said "he's going to be mine," and literally kissed him right in front of my eyes. And get this: even though she knows he cheated on her too, she chose to stay with him because apparently, he's very good in bed.
That whole scene completely crushed my pride and it's eating me alive inside. Now, I don't want a relationship with him anymore, but I've developed this weird, unhealthy obsession—I can't seem to be intimate with anyone else, I can't stand anyone else touching me, and I keep craving his scent.
The guy is now messaging me saying, "Don't tell her anything, let's keep hooking up."
Should I go along with this and keep seeing him, or am I just doing myself a massive disservice and destroying my own self-respect? Has anyone else dealt with this kind of toxic fixation? How did you break it?

OP posts:
Surprisingmyself · 22/07/2026 20:46

I can’t imagine how horrific your relationship history must be like for you to be accepting this

dairydebris · 22/07/2026 20:48

Made up BS.

SilenceInside · 22/07/2026 20:49

Should I go along with this and keep seeing him? - No.
Am I just doing myself a massive disservice and destroying my own self-respect? - Yes

As for how, I would start with blocking his contact numbers, stop following him on any social media etc etc. Distract yourself with other activities where you can, especially at any times when you know you find yourself starting to dwell on this man.

I would also strongly suggest not getting into any new relationship of any kind for a while.

hotmumshit · 22/07/2026 20:50

You sound very very young. Focus on schooling

Bakeittillyoumakeit · 22/07/2026 20:53

Block him on everything and forget relationships and sex for a good while. Get to the point that you're only with a man if he's actually adding to your already good life in a positive way.

TheLightSideOfTheMoon · 22/07/2026 20:55

Apparently he’s good in bed?

You’ve slept with him too. Is he good or not? What’s your opinion?

ThingsCouldBeEasier · 22/07/2026 20:56

Block him everywhere.

Growlybear83 · 22/07/2026 20:56

I doubt that this is true because surely no-one could be quite this stupid. But if your post is real, for goodness sake develop some self respect and ignore your supposed ex boyfriend. And get tested for STDs.

EBearhug · 22/07/2026 21:00

Nah. Even if he's really good in bed, this is not a unique trait, and other men might treat you with respect as well as giving you orgasms.

In any case, I suspect if he's prepared to string both of you along, he wouldn't be that great in bed, because he doesn't really give a damn about how either of you feels, nor what either of you really wants, and that tends to be the key to great sex.

I don't know how long it is since you last saw him, but sometimes you just need to take time to get over someone.

HealingHeart8 · 22/07/2026 21:00

Growlybear83 · 22/07/2026 20:56

I doubt that this is true because surely no-one could be quite this stupid. But if your post is real, for goodness sake develop some self respect and ignore your supposed ex boyfriend. And get tested for STDs.

Lol you're totally right, it probably sounds so dumb from the outside. Trust me, I know how crazy it sounds. I've already gotten checked out and I'm negative, so at least I'm good on that front.
But honestly, logic just goes out the window with this stuff. My brain keeps telling me to run, but breaking the habit is so much harder than it looks. It's super easy for people to sit back and judge when they're not the ones dealing with it, but being stuck right in the middle of it is a whole different mess

OP posts:
Surprisingmyself · 22/07/2026 21:02

Just read your other thread

bloody hell op. Get therapy. Fast

Unwelcomeknocking · 22/07/2026 21:03

Of course you should, he sounds great 😊

Growlybear83 · 22/07/2026 21:03

HealingHeart8 · 22/07/2026 21:00

Lol you're totally right, it probably sounds so dumb from the outside. Trust me, I know how crazy it sounds. I've already gotten checked out and I'm negative, so at least I'm good on that front.
But honestly, logic just goes out the window with this stuff. My brain keeps telling me to run, but breaking the habit is so much harder than it looks. It's super easy for people to sit back and judge when they're not the ones dealing with it, but being stuck right in the middle of it is a whole different mess

No, it wouldn’t be difficult for most people to deal with your situation. Although most people wouldn’t get themselves in this position.

Surprisingmyself · 22/07/2026 21:05

Do you work? Have friends?

HealingHeart8 · 22/07/2026 21:08

EBearhug · 22/07/2026 21:00

Nah. Even if he's really good in bed, this is not a unique trait, and other men might treat you with respect as well as giving you orgasms.

In any case, I suspect if he's prepared to string both of you along, he wouldn't be that great in bed, because he doesn't really give a damn about how either of you feels, nor what either of you really wants, and that tends to be the key to great sex.

I don't know how long it is since you last saw him, but sometimes you just need to take time to get over someone.

Yeah, a guy who totally doesn't give a damn about my feelings—you're spot on.That's actually why I started therapy.My therapist said research shows it takes like 8 years to fully get over someone, and that so many people deal with this exact crap...Honestly, at this point I'm just exhausted and don't even know what else to do

OP posts:
HealingHeart8 · 22/07/2026 21:11

Surprisingmyself · 22/07/2026 21:05

Do you work? Have friends?

I'm not working right now.I have friends, but I never talk to them about this, they have no idea.Actually, I've pulled back into my shell lately and don't even want to hang out with anyone.I keep putting off the ones who want to meet up

OP posts:
Surprisingmyself · 22/07/2026 21:17

HealingHeart8 · 22/07/2026 21:11

I'm not working right now.I have friends, but I never talk to them about this, they have no idea.Actually, I've pulled back into my shell lately and don't even want to hang out with anyone.I keep putting off the ones who want to meet up

Why aren’t you working?

are you very bored during the day and spending all your time focussing on this awful situation? Do you live alone?

HealingHeart8 · 22/07/2026 21:20

Surprisingmyself · 22/07/2026 21:17

Why aren’t you working?

are you very bored during the day and spending all your time focussing on this awful situation? Do you live alone?

I don't have the energy to work right now.I spend the whole day constantly thinking about this situation.Sometimes I live with my brother, sometimes alone

OP posts:
Surprisingmyself · 22/07/2026 21:21

What a depressing existence

Cakencookieobsessed · 22/07/2026 21:24

You must be desperate.

EmailsaysOOO · 22/07/2026 21:26

Have some self respect and ditch him. Send him a text " you're a user. I don't want to see you again. Don't contact me ever again "
Block and move on

EBearhug · 22/07/2026 21:47

HealingHeart8 · 22/07/2026 21:20

I don't have the energy to work right now.I spend the whole day constantly thinking about this situation.Sometimes I live with my brother, sometimes alone

Get a job. Do voluntary work. Learn a language. Do something, anything, that will make you think about other things.

Madamefroufrou · 22/07/2026 21:59

HealingHeart8 · 22/07/2026 21:00

Lol you're totally right, it probably sounds so dumb from the outside. Trust me, I know how crazy it sounds. I've already gotten checked out and I'm negative, so at least I'm good on that front.
But honestly, logic just goes out the window with this stuff. My brain keeps telling me to run, but breaking the habit is so much harder than it looks. It's super easy for people to sit back and judge when they're not the ones dealing with it, but being stuck right in the middle of it is a whole different mess

I just counted 14 ! platitudes in this explanation.

Go for it OP, get what you can out of him, never mind the other girl she don’t
count its you he says he wants, maybe he will decide to stay with you and
you can have his babies, keep us updated, this is dead exciting, hope you win!

LadyWhistledownsSocietyPapers · 22/07/2026 23:25

@HealingHeart8 what age are you if you don't mind me asking?

HealingHeart8 · 22/07/2026 23:48

LadyWhistledownsSocietyPapers · 22/07/2026 23:25

@HealingHeart8 what age are you if you don't mind me asking?

32

OP posts: