Would these relationship and household issues bother other people too?

[Namesnamesnames13]

Curious whether these things would bother people?

2 kids. Been together nearly 6 years. Pay half the mortgage etc but I put it all of the cash for the house. We are talking 100k. All money I’ve made from previous properties I’ve been owned. My partner has not bought one piece of furniture ever, makes no effort to do stuff to the house. I’ve done everything and I just had a baby, I’ve been painting etc, sorting the garden etc. He doesn’t want to talk about anything beyond basic stuff and if I do it’s an argument.

he will say I’m doing too much and I tnink he isn’t doing enough. He also makes no effort with my mum and I make a huge effort with his family and for my side it’s just my mum.

he complains he is up in the night with the baby when I’ve done all the nighttime feeds and if he is up it’s with me, never on his own.

Am I over reacting? I know it’s hard to say when you don’t know the dynamic. But tbh we don’t get on anymore and maybe never have.

Are you married ? Did you sign a declaration of trust to protect your deposit ?

Yes this would bother me.

I think I'd be cutting my losses but I wouldn't have had the baby, either. It sounds as if you have the most equity in the house,buy him out.

Well I would find it annoying and wouldn’t put up with it, but I also wouldn’t have had 2 kids with him, so there must be a reason you have…

It doesn’t sound like there’s any mileage left the way you describe it. Maybe when you’ve recovered enough from the birth, you can talk to a solicitor and see your way to disentangling yourself from the freeloader.
Life’s too short for millstones. congratulations on your new baby.

Cos these things weren’t apparent until we had kids and I was running out of time to have kids

Of course this would bother anyone. Sit him Fuen and have a frank conversation about his responsibilities as a parent and as a partner.

No not married and yes protected my deposit

Yes, it would bother a me a lot to be married to a selfish lazy man.

So you rushed into it and now this is your life. Obviously you knew before the second kid what he’d be like. As you’ve just had a second kid it’s worth trying to make it work for their sake in my
opinion, because if you split you may have to share your kids 50/50 with this looser, maybe try relationship counselling to see if you can find common ground, and if it becomes apparent that won’t happen then you can split now.

I’d kick him to the kerb then. He sounds a waste of space. You’d be better off without him.

Ditch the bastard!! Clear as day

you need to decide what is inportant to you.

you wanted to have kids.

him making an effort with your family is neither here nor there. You can stop making an effort with his immediately - but stop and think whether it benefits you or your kids to do so - my pil were useful babysitters.

if you aren’t married and your money is protected then there’s no significant risk. Take the help he offers (such as it is) or dump him and do it on your own (harder but less resentment).

Why are you painting and doing the garden if you’ve just had a baby?
Have you only just moved into the property?

I feel things like painting are not things that need to be done and so he may have a point there.

I’d be much more concerned with the every day chores like cooking and cleaning and parenting.
If you are on maternity leave then of course you’re going to do more of these things but it doesn’t mean he should do nothing.

The mum thing would annoy me.
Has he only recently stopped making an effort with your family?

How long have you lived in this new home and what was he like before?

Cos I wanted a sibling for my child as I didn’t and wanted what I felt was best for him

He’s not your partner.

Yes we just moved. My decision to get a house from a flat with a baby coming and a toddler. I made all the effort to find the place and the money. And it needed work doing to it as it was very dated and yes am on maternity leave and want to make a nice home for my kids as I lived in rentals as a child and never lived in a house and wanted to make it a home

If I hadn’t had another child then that would have been it, no more kids as I’m too old now. The relationship wasn’t so bad after the first…it’s now it’s really taken a turn

You've got a passenger, not a partner.

It sounds like the relationship has run its course and it's time to end it.

You’re not over reacting. Is be rude? Abusive? Contolling? Does he bring anything positive to the table?

ignore all the PPs criticising you about having DCs with him. Pointless to comment on this because you cannot send them back.

Yes that’s how I feel. I’m sure he would say I’ve lost interest in other things we used to do together but I feel like I’m holding down the fort and just don’t have the energy to be doing other stuff when I don’t feel supported at home. He does do washing up and washing, but shows no interest in other things. Im sure he would also say he would help and he says he will but then doesn’t or says he isn’t an expert like me with things. I’m not an expert I just try

He is rude I guess. He thinks he has autism or something. I don’t know. He is okay to talk about things that to me don’t “matter”…But avoidant or emotional stuff. Today he was rude with my mum and I confronted him in front of my mum. He said a pathetic hello and walked away. No, how are you? Etc etc..I see his parents all the time and sit there for hours speaking to them

You've got 3 kids, not 2.

You can ditch the eldest. He's a dead weight and this won't get better; it never does. Go and see a solicitor to help figure out your options.

Focus on yourself, your home, and the 2 children you birthed.

The alternative: your life now, just as it is, for the rest of your days.

No but it is relevant to the discussion, it’s easy to criticise just the guy (because he’s an idiot) but actually both of them have set this situation up, so just kicking him out right after having a second kid and buying a house with him isn’t the only option that makes sense.

She’s just said she had the 2nd kid partly because he wasn’t like this before (although the OP paints a different picture), so if it’s just clashing during the newborn/house renovation stage then counselling is a worth a shot. If the origional picture she painted is true and she just had kids with him because she was running out of time and they never got on and he’s always been this crap then maybe they should just split as neither of them have the best intentions in this relationship anyway.

Can you afford to buy him out of the house. Do you think the relationship has run its course? Are you sexually attracted to him?