Don’t like dp making jokes at my expense

[Lippyblippy]

This has happened a number of times now. Dp makes comic capital out of me in front of others. In other words he makes jokes at my expense then does the usual thing when I object of saying I can’t take a joke; ‘everyone else got it’, etc.

I’ve tried explaining that I don’t find it funny. It’s belittling and he is trying to get a cheap laugh at my expense.

Of course, then comes the gaslighting … ‘are you okay? This isn’t you’

That makes me even more angry if I’m honest. He fails to understand how misogynistic his strategies are. I’ve seen this happen with my friend who experiences the same (laughing at not with) by her dp and 2 adult sons.

I think I’ve had enough. Short of calling it a day, is there anything else I can do to make him see this for what it is?

Dump him.

Refuse to socialise with him. Don’t give him the opportunity.

I’d say, and tell him why, but honestly? He has no respect for you. Unless you think some time socialising separately will teach him to be respectful then what’s the point?

That's pretty nasty of him, @Lippyblippy . I am no stranger to joking, banter, but if it actively hurts my significant other's feelings, it's just plain disrespect, and disregard. I am not talking about stand-up comedy and the people who take offence on behalf of other people, for example. Personal jabs at your partner in poor taste is pretty low, especially if it becomes humiliation in front of others.

I know you mentioned that you talked about this with him before, but it clearly does not seem to work. I think lay it out fair and square, in simple terms: It hurts you, and you consider it rather disrespectful and unkind that even after asking him to, he still continues. And this is the most important bit: Say it out loud that if this continues, you will not stick around for it.

(I would question how fulfilling a relationship one can have with someone so unkind, but I'll leave it up to you to decide, as you mentioned no other problems)

What makes you thi he cant see it for what it is?
It sounds like he knows exactly what hes doing and doesnt give a shit how you feel about it

Give one final ultimatum. When you're both mellow, sit him down and say something like: You and I have different types of humor. Just like some people like practical jokes and some hate them. This is the last time I'm going to bring this up. Every time you joke about me at my expense, I grow more bitter against you, so I don't want to invest more time into a relationship that's bound to end because I will lose every ounce of love I presently have for you. You will have to agree to never do that again. If not, it's best we go our separate ways.

Good luck and let us know how it goes.

My H - then bf - disrespected me in front of friends once, at a dinner party. I was quiet for a bit, because I was so surprised and shocked. Then I interrupted the conversation to say to bf that what he said was disrespectful. He tried to bluff, and a few people tried to protect him - oh he didn't mean it like that, he was just joking. I said that I didn't think it was funny, and how would he like it if I said something like that about him. While staring at him implacably.

Yeah, people left pretty quick after that. Stiff shit. I made it absolutely plain to bf that if he did that ever again, we would be done. I would never talk to him again, he would be erased from my life.

I grew up with men treating women with this bullshit disrespect. I am NOT putting up with that in my own relationships EVER.

My bf/h never did anything like that again.

You teach people how to treat you. Don't put up with this, OP.

We had a guy like this in our friendship group. Everyone thought he was a knob. No one would laugh and it made it awkward. She eventually dumped him. She's still a member of the friendship group. He hasn't been seen. Bin him off OP

Short of calling it a day, is there anything else I can do to make him see this for what it is?

He knows what it is and he doesn't care. He is bullying you and he's enjoying watching you get upset.

Now you know that, what do you think you should do?

My exh did this.
EX h

Tell him to listen to you, he's not too speak, that's he needs to take you seriously. Tell him that it upsets you, you've had enough, it makes you feel embarrassed, self conscious etc. You don't want to meet other people in his company and it has made you think about if he's really the right man for you as he embarrasses you so much. Get it through to him that you've had enough and you'd like an apology. If he keeps doing it you've tried and you've got your answer.

He's a bully OP. It's that simple. He's not on your side, and the jokes at your expense are his way of demonstrating to everyone around him that he may be with you, but he wouldn't lower himself to actually respecting you. It's a toxic form of status building, and he's willing to wipe his feet on your face in order to get an applause.

If he was the right man for you, you wouldn't be in this situation at all, especially after you've explained how it's made you feel. He won't stop because frankly, the laugh he gets is too good of a buzz, and he's prioritising that above any little regard he has for your feelings.

I personally wouldn't give someone like that an ultimatum. They've already shown you who they are. At best, he might modify his behaviour for a short time so that it doesn't cost him (by you leaving him), but that's not the same thing as who someone is or continues to be on the inside.

Absolutely awful, OP. It's emotional abuse. He's getting kicks out of ridiculing you and making you feel bad. Not only that, but because he's doing it all the time, this shows he needs it for some reason. There's some deep seated reason behind that shit that was established long before you ever met and will never change.

Relationships are not supposed to be like that. Partners are supposed to support and admire you - not cut you down at every opportunity. He seems to be stuck in horrible child in the playground mode and I guarantee you it will never get better. Run for the hills. For the love of god do not marry him and do not accept apologies and promises to change when you dump him. He won't. Your friend is the cautionary tale here - her husband has taught her sons to disrespect her and now she's getting it from all angles - how sad is that - the people who are supposed to love her the most.

Throw this fish back and don't look back.

Also, I don't think it's worth prolonging the relationship for this, but I think it would be suitably delicious for you to dump him in front of a crowd if he does that again, just to show all the men there that there are consequences to disrespecting women.

It would be delicious but if you wait for a certain scenario to dump him, it just won't happen or could end in an unsafe way (considering the guy clearly has issues). Just end it now, unceremeniously - you owe this arsehole - and he is an arsehole - nothing.

He's a bully and does it to make himself look good.

Dump him.

I personally hate banter because it's usually one sided and nasty.

Just a further thought

I’ve tried explaining that I don’t find it funny. It’s belittling and he is trying to get a cheap laugh at my expense.
Of course, then comes the gaslighting … ‘are you okay? This isn’t you’

That makes my blood boil. He's trying to shame you and control you into accepting him making a fool of you so that he can do it more in future without being pulled up on it. You're supposed to be cool about being the butt of the joke. What a pathetic little boy.

What makes you think he doesn't see it for what it is?

When people behave in a nasty, contemptuous, bullying way it's absolutely intentional. They do it on purpose, because they enjoy it.

My X did this . I stopped going out with him as I couldn't trust that he wouldn't do it.

Sorry this sounds horrible.

He's negging you to bring you down a peg or two. It’s shitty behaviour. I’d dump him but before I did that I’d give him a taste of his own medicine because I’m petty like that.

’Short of calling it a day……’

I think calling it a day would be an excellent response personally.

He doesn’t seem to like you. I’m sure there are plenty of men and women out there who would love to sit and chat with you and leave you feeling good about the interaction.

It's only a joke if everyone is laughing.

He is not 'making jokes', he is bullying and humiliating you in front of other people and then telling you it's your fault for not finding it funny.

Dump him.

So he’s either so thick, he doesn’t understand you when you tell him how it makes you feel.

Or he doesn’t give a shit.

Ask him which it is?

Can you give an example of what he says? Tbh if you think he's gaslighting you and he's a mysoginist then this doesn't sound like the type of relationship you (or any woman) would want to be in. I think as women, society has indoctrinated us and men to think any show of emotion is hysertia and that's why mens shitty behaviour continues. We set the bar low because that's what we are taught from an early age.

When you go out together, do you drive?

I sincerely hope so, because the next time he does it, you can dump him in front of everyone. Then walk out. Get in the car, and leave him there.