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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Bit of a weird one possibly tmi

72 replies

cocoapple · 17/02/2024 17:32

I’m not a troll, just wanting opinions as I am mad/hurt but DP doesn’t see the problem and I’ve been made to feel some kind of prude etc.

So we were DTD last night, halfway through DP gets his “penis extender” out. I don’t even know if it’s actually called that. Basically it looks like a dildo that he puts on (I know how ridiculous this sounds) I didn’t even know he had ordered it . We tried it a couple of months ago but I told him I didn’t like it as I have endometriotis and it really hurt me. Our sex life was/is fine, IMO he doesn’t even need it. Last night when he got it out of the draw I told him not to use it as it hurts me. He said I just need to take it and it will eventually feel ok. I said no I have endometriotis, that’s why it hurts. He basically ignored me and just carried on. After we had finished I was pissed off and told him why. He doesn’t see the problem and think I just need to “take it”

I promise again I’m not a troll and am sorry for the TMI but I’m angry that my feelings and wants have been ignored like me being hurt doesn’t matter to him

OP posts:
Opentooffers · 17/02/2024 22:48

Get out of this relationship now. He enjoys doing things to you he knows you don't like, that is a sick mind. That is all you need to know, why is irrelevant.

Scrambledchickens · 17/02/2024 23:33

I am so sorry he treated you like that.
please get away from this horrible man x

MorticiaSand · 17/02/2024 23:42

Put extender in the bin, and put your partner in there as well. If he beat you over the head with this item, he would be guilty of an assault in criminal law. The fact he shoved it in when you clearly did not give consent, is a sexual assault. It shows you clearly how much he disregards your feelings, and rights to say no. Get rid of him before he causes you more emotional and physical injury. If you want help, ring women's aid.

DixonD · 18/02/2024 02:41

He sounds just like my husband - he has one too and insists on using it every time we have sex. I hate it, it hurts. For historical sex life issues with him, I grin and bear it. I can just about tolerate it but wish I could chuck it (and other stuff) away.

I don’t have any advice OP. Maybe don’t be like me 😂

Ofcourseshecan · 18/02/2024 10:14

DixonD · 18/02/2024 02:41

He sounds just like my husband - he has one too and insists on using it every time we have sex. I hate it, it hurts. For historical sex life issues with him, I grin and bear it. I can just about tolerate it but wish I could chuck it (and other stuff) away.

I don’t have any advice OP. Maybe don’t be like me 😂

Dixon, please, that is appalling. Does he actually understand that it hurts you? Have you asked him why he wants to cause you pain?

Whatever his response, you should not accept him doing something that hurts and could injure you. Please break away from him. He is an abuser.

I hope you can make the break. Your life will improve when you’re not putting up with abuse. Best of luck.

BMW6 · 18/02/2024 11:20

DixonD · 18/02/2024 02:41

He sounds just like my husband - he has one too and insists on using it every time we have sex. I hate it, it hurts. For historical sex life issues with him, I grin and bear it. I can just about tolerate it but wish I could chuck it (and other stuff) away.

I don’t have any advice OP. Maybe don’t be like me 😂

His pleasure is in hurting you. Why are you so submissive?

If he said he'd like to choke you would you let him?

If using the extension damaged your insides and you died a hideous painful death as a result would it be worthwhile because at least he got his rocks off??

ssd · 18/02/2024 11:47

cocoapple · 17/02/2024 17:46

Exactly what I was thinking. If the pleasure is meant for me but I don’t like it (which he knows) why is he so keen to use it

Because he wants to hurt you, he obviously enjoys seeing you in pain.

You have to face that.

ssd · 18/02/2024 11:49

DixonD · 18/02/2024 02:41

He sounds just like my husband - he has one too and insists on using it every time we have sex. I hate it, it hurts. For historical sex life issues with him, I grin and bear it. I can just about tolerate it but wish I could chuck it (and other stuff) away.

I don’t have any advice OP. Maybe don’t be like me 😂

Its not funny.

Professionalnot · 18/02/2024 14:07

DixonD · 18/02/2024 02:41

He sounds just like my husband - he has one too and insists on using it every time we have sex. I hate it, it hurts. For historical sex life issues with him, I grin and bear it. I can just about tolerate it but wish I could chuck it (and other stuff) away.

I don’t have any advice OP. Maybe don’t be like me 😂

Huh? Wtaf

Flamme · 18/02/2024 17:00

This is rape and criminal assault. Please tell us you've chucked. him out.

MrsPelligrinoPetrichor · 19/02/2024 14:40

Hope you're ok today OP x

Truthbetolddd · 06/09/2024 18:35

These are actually amazing to use as long as your both in agreement to use them. You can choose any size girth or length to add and I was sceptical at first but once we found the perfect size I can truly say they do give me a bigger harder orgasm than normal sex with him.

OlderGlaswegianLivingInDevon · 06/09/2024 18:50

@Truthbetolddd

I think you have missed the point of the op's opening post.

There is no reason on this earth why she should just have to ' take it '

NO is a complete sentence, and her 'd 'h is not listening.

I do hope that in the 6 months since the Op @cocoapple wrote her thread that she has left this sexual abuser and found peace and happiness elsewhere...
and I hope @DixonD has left hers too...

Truthbetolddd · 06/09/2024 18:54

OlderGlaswegianLivingInDevon · 06/09/2024 18:50

@Truthbetolddd

I think you have missed the point of the op's opening post.

There is no reason on this earth why she should just have to ' take it '

NO is a complete sentence, and her 'd 'h is not listening.

I do hope that in the 6 months since the Op @cocoapple wrote her thread that she has left this sexual abuser and found peace and happiness elsewhere...
and I hope @DixonD has left hers too...

That’s why I said “as long as you’re both in agreement”. Yes if I had said no to him and he still did it I would be more than angry and the trust barrier would of been broken. But I didn’t and it’s made our S life better.

Idontjetwashthefucker · 06/09/2024 19:05

Truthbetolddd · 06/09/2024 18:35

These are actually amazing to use as long as your both in agreement to use them. You can choose any size girth or length to add and I was sceptical at first but once we found the perfect size I can truly say they do give me a bigger harder orgasm than normal sex with him.

Why did you resurrect this thread just to post a fucking ridiculous response. OP said no, it hurts her and he raped her with it, and you still post fucking nonsense like that

Truthbetolddd · 06/09/2024 19:19

Idontjetwashthefucker · 06/09/2024 19:05

Why did you resurrect this thread just to post a fucking ridiculous response. OP said no, it hurts her and he raped her with it, and you still post fucking nonsense like that

first time I see the post so thought I would respond. And like I said in last response “as long as you are both in agreement “ to use one there is no issue with them. Her original comment was “ I know this sounds ridiculous “ in regards to what even a sleeve is that’s why I replied.

DixonD · 06/09/2024 22:26

@ssd , @BMW6 and @Professionalnot

You should be more careful what you post in response to someone clearly going through a difficult time. This was months ago but thanks for making me feel shit about it all this time later.

DixonD · 06/09/2024 22:28

To those kind posters - no, I didn’t leave but things are much better these days. Was tough for a while but we’ve moved on. Thank you 😊

Truthbetolddd · 06/09/2024 22:32

DixonD · 06/09/2024 22:28

To those kind posters - no, I didn’t leave but things are much better these days. Was tough for a while but we’ve moved on. Thank you 😊

Just out of interest if he uses it all the time how comes it continues to hurt you still. Forgive me if I’m wrong but I would of thought if constantly used you would get used to the size ?

DixonD · 06/09/2024 22:36

Truthbetolddd · 06/09/2024 22:32

Just out of interest if he uses it all the time how comes it continues to hurt you still. Forgive me if I’m wrong but I would of thought if constantly used you would get used to the size ?

Simply speaking, I’m just not big enough for them. Perhaps psychological barrier to it too, who knows. But thankfully, he doesn’t use it anymore. Sex shouldn’t leave you in pain afterwards.

OlderGlaswegianLivingInDevon · 06/09/2024 23:00

@Truthbetolddd

just how insensitive can you be ?

Truthbetolddd · 06/09/2024 23:06

DixonD · 06/09/2024 22:36

Simply speaking, I’m just not big enough for them. Perhaps psychological barrier to it too, who knows. But thankfully, he doesn’t use it anymore. Sex shouldn’t leave you in pain afterwards.

Ah I see. And totally agree with you. Only asked as we use them and I have become accustomed to them now. Glad you’re happier now though.

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