Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Intimate moments and privacy as a parent

64 replies

Tonto37 · 10/12/2023 10:35

I'm in a struggling/failing relationship that's spanned the best part of 2 decades.

One element that has really died is the passion in the bedroom. I'll hold my hands up that I haven't been making time for it.

One of the barriers we have is that we have busy lives and 2 DDs that are 9 and 15. It's not a case of waiting till they sleep because 15 year old goes to bed around the same time.

Our bed is very squeaky and this is off putting with DD in the next room. Is there a way of doing it quietly? Like has anybody got a 'life hack' to have good hard PIV intercourse quietly and discreetly?

The problem is on the occasions the kids are out because we haven't done it for a while their is pressure to make the most of it and do it.

Thank God I never heard my parents, it must be awful and I certainly wouldn't put them through that.

OP posts:
BettyBakesCakes · 10/12/2023 10:38

Get a new bed/fix the squeak. Having teens is awkward

Original poster
Tonto37 · 10/12/2023 10:42

BettyBakesCakes · 10/12/2023 10:38

Get a new bed/fix the squeak. Having teens is awkward

Was thinking about this. Don't think the squeak is fixable so will need new one. I'd just hate to buy a new one and have the same problem. I wonder if there's a certain type that's less noisy

OP posts:
Purpleraiin · 10/12/2023 10:44

The floor?? Invest in a thick duvet or something to give some cushioning. That's what we do if we use a different room like the living room and it's always worked well for us. I think i actually find it better than being On a bouncy mattress

Wakemeup17 · 10/12/2023 10:45

Babysitter and rent a hotel room for the night / few hours. Take time off work both at the same time and have sex when the kids are at school. Do it in the middle of the night when one of you wakes up. Go to bed early and wake up before the kids are up. Have sex on the floor next to the bed. If you want to, you'll find a way. If you don't want to, you'll find an excuse. So, question no. 1 is - do you want to?

Ejismyf · 10/12/2023 10:46

Divans are less noisy. It is difficult when your kids become teens and are awake later at night and you work during the day. We wake up earlier so then, sometimes hel come home on lunch when I'm working from home. When the teens are away at a sleepover or if the kids are out during the day. Also, nights away the two of you, is that an option?

Cas112 · 10/12/2023 10:49

Divan

SheilaFentiman · 10/12/2023 10:57

If your DD goes to bed the same time as you, is she downstairs until bed time. Can you go up early?

Original poster
Tonto37 · 10/12/2023 11:45

SheilaFentiman · 10/12/2023 10:57

If your DD goes to bed the same time as you, is she downstairs until bed time. Can you go up early?

No she'll be in her room like a typical teenager. Our other DD will be downstairs

OP posts:
Original poster
Tonto37 · 10/12/2023 11:46

Ejismyf · 10/12/2023 10:46

Divans are less noisy. It is difficult when your kids become teens and are awake later at night and you work during the day. We wake up earlier so then, sometimes hel come home on lunch when I'm working from home. When the teens are away at a sleepover or if the kids are out during the day. Also, nights away the two of you, is that an option?

Thanks yeah nights away and things like that are an option. But there's a lot of pressure on them if we haven't been doing it in our own home.

OP posts:
Original poster
Tonto37 · 10/12/2023 11:47

Wakemeup17 · 10/12/2023 10:45

Babysitter and rent a hotel room for the night / few hours. Take time off work both at the same time and have sex when the kids are at school. Do it in the middle of the night when one of you wakes up. Go to bed early and wake up before the kids are up. Have sex on the floor next to the bed. If you want to, you'll find a way. If you don't want to, you'll find an excuse. So, question no. 1 is - do you want to?

Right now it's a lukewarm feeling. Once things are back on track there's a chance that could change.

OP posts:
rorret · 10/12/2023 11:49

Just put a duvet down on the floor.

ChristmasDoDos · 10/12/2023 11:49

Honestly what's worked for us is doing it first thing in the morning when they're still asleep, and definitely scheduling in a cosy afternoon when we've both got time off at the same time. Late at night isn't often a thing. And we sorted out our bed so it does not squeak.

henrysugar12 · 10/12/2023 11:53

Do it on the floor! Get a lock on the door, get a new bed and go for it!

Pizzanightagain · 10/12/2023 11:57

We have stayed in a hotel for the night. Within five mins of getting into the room we were having sex and it was brilliant. We went out for a bit then decided it was better at the hotel and had sex again. It felt different and a bit naughty.

We haven't done it since due to finances but will do again at some point.

We have to steal moments. There is a lock on the door. We can never make noise. So we have to have ninja sex. I don't mean busting out moves and somersaults but being aware of surroundings. For example, which kid pretended to be asleep but is now walking round outside the room like some sort of burglar.

Duvet on floor is a good one. Really early in the morning worked. Another vote for divan bed.

Olika · 10/12/2023 12:00

Bathroom?

NorthCliffs · 10/12/2023 12:02

First baby: conceived in a comfy double bed
Second baby: conceived quietly with one ear listening out for the inevitable noise from the next room.
Third baby: conceived on the settee downstairs
Fourth baby: conceived on the floor of the dining room.

Luckily we're done now, else no. 5 would've been conceived in the garage!

SheilaFentiman · 10/12/2023 12:03

The other approach is… your DD is old enough to know you have sex. If she hears you and doesn’t want to, she can put on earphones or go downstairs.
We lock our door on a weekend morning. Damn sure 16 year old knows why, but we don’t mention it!

Original poster
Tonto37 · 10/12/2023 12:11

rorret · 10/12/2023 11:49

Just put a duvet down on the floor.

This is going to be my short term action point

OP posts:
Original poster
Tonto37 · 10/12/2023 12:13

SheilaFentiman · 10/12/2023 12:03

The other approach is… your DD is old enough to know you have sex. If she hears you and doesn’t want to, she can put on earphones or go downstairs.
We lock our door on a weekend morning. Damn sure 16 year old knows why, but we don’t mention it!

I don't think it's fair on them to have to endure hearing us and having to put headphones on when they're in their own home.
Locking the door is good though but sound will still be made.
I think the floor minimises it

OP posts:
Original poster
Tonto37 · 10/12/2023 12:13

NorthCliffs · 10/12/2023 12:02

First baby: conceived in a comfy double bed
Second baby: conceived quietly with one ear listening out for the inevitable noise from the next room.
Third baby: conceived on the settee downstairs
Fourth baby: conceived on the floor of the dining room.

Luckily we're done now, else no. 5 would've been conceived in the garage!

Hahaha 😂😂😂

OP posts:
Pigeonqueen · 10/12/2023 12:15

To be fair this is why we hardly ever have sex anymore. Pre teens and older teens / young adults just kill it off. Too many ears everywhere and they’re never asleep when you need them to be!

SheilaFentiman · 10/12/2023 12:17

That’s your call.

Fucking on the floor can be murder on the knees. More embarrassing if she’s knocking on the door asking why one of you is yelling in agony.

rorret · 10/12/2023 12:17

Honestly I'm a bit confused why you haven't thought of a duvet on the floor before now.

BananaSplitsss · 10/12/2023 12:21

Duvet on the floor is shit. I M E

But better than nothing. Mornings while they’re still asleep sometimes works ( often they wake up 🙄) but usually it is when they are at school.
I do miss those days when you could just shag when you wanted to and when the mood took you.

Original poster
Tonto37 · 10/12/2023 12:22

Pigeonqueen · 10/12/2023 12:15

To be fair this is why we hardly ever have sex anymore. Pre teens and older teens / young adults just kill it off. Too many ears everywhere and they’re never asleep when you need them to be!

Yep it's a nightmare. And the longer you go without the lesser the desire.

OP posts:
Swipe left for the next trending thread