Intimate moments and privacy as a parent

[Tonto37]

I'm in a struggling/failing relationship that's spanned the best part of 2 decades.

One element that has really died is the passion in the bedroom. I'll hold my hands up that I haven't been making time for it.

One of the barriers we have is that we have busy lives and 2 DDs that are 9 and 15. It's not a case of waiting till they sleep because 15 year old goes to bed around the same time.

Our bed is very squeaky and this is off putting with DD in the next room. Is there a way of doing it quietly? Like has anybody got a 'life hack' to have good hard PIV intercourse quietly and discreetly?

The problem is on the occasions the kids are out because we haven't done it for a while their is pressure to make the most of it and do it.

Thank God I never heard my parents, it must be awful and I certainly wouldn't put them through that.

get one that is just a box to put mattress on so there is nothing to "squick"

also - put music on or genuinely make the most of the time they're out of house.

we have a 7yo and a baby, so our sex is literally a lunchtime affair while we hope the napping terror won't sense that she's in her bed and not glued to my chest (seriously, the cute velcro is here as I'm typing this)

worst case scenario - your 15yo will hear you and have a sense and tact to not say anything.

funny story: I once burst into my parents room, half asleep, asking what the bloody banging noise was in the middle of the night

Don't remember the excuse at the time, but years later I've learned they were hiding under their duvet, terrified I'd look into the room (the door was obscuring the view, luckily for all), and the next day my dad screwed on the headboard to the wall 😂

Definitely not confident they are asleep but just make sure they are fed and watered then less need to come down.

I’ll be honest this is the first thing we thought about when we viewed a house with a big master en suite 😂 at least there’s a lock on the door and the shower to cover noise!

Surely your 15 year old doesn't just walk in your bedroom?
Tell her you and DH are having an early night I'm sure she'll get the hint 😂

Some positions are going to create less mattress noise than others - where there's less up and down motion onto the mattress, e.g. spooning, maybe doggy style with him standing and just you on the bed? Should still be able to go at it with a moderate physicality without the bed springs making too much noise.

Depending on what way the bed is making the noise you might be able to quieten it down by tightening screws on the frame, or if either of you are competent at DIY you might be able to reinforce/brace it to help.

It may just be that your mattress is worn out and an new, firmer one could be less noisy, or try a mattress topper. Some bed frames are going to be noisier than others by type - metal frames are likely to be worst, wooden quieter and divan best.

If you're going to try doing it on the floor, be careful about carpet burns! And bathrooms rarely work as the lack of soft furnishing often makes them into an echo chamber.

I hear you! Between us hubby and I have a 3 yo daughter and also 13 and 16 yo teenage boys!
Our chance for any intimate moments is so rare and I honestly don't know the answer!

No parent wants their kids to hear them shagging, and no child wants to hear their parents at it. But it might be worth mentioning it to your older dd in an indirect way. Maybe give her hints so that she has some warning and the option to put her headphones on, or some music/tv on in her room.

When I was younger I had a gf who's parent's were very open about sex. They'd tell their (older teenage daughters) that they were going upstairs for a bit of nookie or an early night, and they'd all just rib each other about it. Not a family scenario I was used to at all, but it actually seemed pretty healthy and their transparency was liberating.

Unfortunately, your kids are at just about the most difficult age for your sex life, old enough to be up relatively late in the evening, but too young to be off out socialising by themselves. Maybe coordinated sleepovers where both kids go and stay at a friends house on the same night would be a possibility? You could even reciprocate by offering to do the same for their friend's parents! 😂

We encountered this problem a while ago. Doggy style over the bed helped reduce the sound of the bed creaking but it was replaced by the clapping of his balls!

The only solution until we got a Divan bed was to do it on the floor and that wasn't good on the knees!

Nope. Not even at 66/41 would I give my dd the heads up I was about to shag and she should put headphones on if she didn't want to hear.

I know I’ve already suggested it, but pillows with a blanket over them really solves some of these problems. They might guess what’s going on if they see it but it works for me (quite underweight and therefore bones poking out) and my partner (very overweight and quite energetic).

Or just arrange some activities you can leave them at for a few hours!

Hope none of those girlfriends are underage and you're making sure condoms are available

@SleepingStandingUp My son is 16 and not having sex yet (to my knowledge!) but I would expect him to get hold of his own condoms! If he's "old enough" to be having sex, he's old enough to take responsibility. We're very open about things (the other week he asked me about why tampons are different sizes and if periods hurt, love him).
I trust him to make the right choices here.

Put your mattress on the floor and see if it's that which is squawking or thee bed frame. Use the mattress on the floor?

NorthCliffs I assume you are joking and have had sex not just to make babies?!