Row with my mum

[cleanbreak2022]

Afternoon everyone,

I'm just looking to vent, I've had a disagreement with my mum and it's gotten out of hand, I've tried to apologise and sent flowers but she won't talk to me and my dad has now weighed in.

For context, I'm a single parent to two children. Their dad walked away almost two years ago and has little to nothing to do with them.

I have a high pressure job and I'm working full time. My parents helped me financially to take the house over when he left and support me with a day a week childcare and also help pay my monthly childcare bill.

My sister has just had a baby and needs a lot of support from my parents also, they are great.

Last night I snapped after a bad week when I came home and found nail varnish over my kitchen cupboards, worktops and floors. It had fallen out of a cupboard whilst my mum had the kids and I called her and was angry about it. I was out of order I know. She hadn't noticed and it had dried and I had to sit for hours picking it off. She was distracted because my sister was here with the baby and she was offering support to her.

I know I was wrong and I have been tearful since. She won't accept my calls, I have arranged for flowers to be sent. I just got to the end of my tether, my washing machine broke this week, my dishwasher and toilet. The school have been asking for money for trips and theme days. Work is driving me mad, I'm broke at the moment. I'm everyone's go to person and I just hit a wall.

So as not to drip feed, this isn't the first time my sister had visited when my mum had my kids and the last time my home was trashed too. I am grateful for the help, I really am. I just got to my breaking point.

It seems to have really emotionally affected me and I just want to mend it with my mum.

I spoke to my dad this morning who (rightly) told me off but then said they offer me support because i made a decision to have two children with a useless man. He left me for an affair partner after 15 years together.

I just broke and I'm not sure I can fix it and I hate the thought of my parents thinking I'm not grateful when I am.

I sympathise with you OP, I'm in the same situation. I lean on my parents for childcare as husband and I work FT. They lean on me a lot too for support for various things. I too am grateful for the help but I am sick of my home being left in a state and the last thing you want to do after a long week is have to tidy it up when it could have been avoided. There is food on the floor, a sink full of washing up, dirty clothes left on the dining table - just to name a few.

My mum is a very defensive and difficult person to deal with. If I say anything then we would end up in the same situation as you. I just bite my tongue and try to let it go.

She has to help my sister a lot too and always has done - since my sister's kids were newborn, she has helped her raise them. My niece is basically living with my parents at the moment. Although she is leaned on a lot, I feel she would happily help my sister rather than me. She goes and picks my sister's children up every weekend and has them stay but refuses to have my eldest stay with her when he asks.

I am very grateful for the help, I get but I think you and I both should probably detach and try to take the pressure off our mums. In your case you should just apologise and let her know when she wants to speak, you'll be ready. I'm sure she will come around - hope it all works out 💐