Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

I'm assuming porn

87 replies

hellthe22 · 01/10/2023 11:04

Hi everyone . So I have been meeting up with a guy I have got on with so well over the last few months . Up until Friday we hadn't even kissed . I needed to take things slow . And I told him this and he was ok with it thankfully .

So last night we went on a date . We went to a beautiful restaurant in London and then when back to his apartment. We had planned to lay in bed watch films and eat loads of crap.

As soon as I got there we had a kiss and cuddle and went to bed . The film was on two minutes before we started kissing and then obviously that led to sex . I don't feel like he forced me at all but I didn't feel 100 percent really but at this point we got carried away and started doing it .

So this is where I'm thinking I don't know what's wrong . We had sex for 6 hours . Could be more and I am dead ! But all this time his Willy was going half soft and he couldn't finish at all !

He was very rough as well . Iv never had relationships where sex has been this way but he was holding me down hard with his hand in my wrists and grabbing my hair really hard.

Now what I have read on here it's got to be death grip maybe and I'm hoping that he's not really that aggressive in bed but he felt like maybe from watching porn 'he had been single for 2 years ' that that's what we want ? .

Apart from the sex he's the most caring and loving person I have met. But this is giving my the ick so bad . He even tried finishing himself off but it just wants happening .

Any advice what could be going on please ? Thankyou

OP posts:
Orio2023 · 01/10/2023 21:06

Apart from the sex he's the most caring and loving person I have met

Read that back.

No way would I spend 6 hours fake fucking someone with a limp dick. Even him being rough wasn’t exciting enough. I would wonder what it would take for him to get properly aroused.

SnackQueen · 01/10/2023 21:23

I fvcking hate how women are conditioned to 'be nice' and put up with this shit.

Loubelle70 · 01/10/2023 21:24

SnackQueen · 01/10/2023 21:23

I fvcking hate how women are conditioned to 'be nice' and put up with this shit.

Same!

itsmyp4rty · 01/10/2023 21:30

6 hours of limp dick. It's a no from me. No one is nice enough to have to put up with that.

LightSpeeds · 01/10/2023 21:35

Did you want it to last six hours or did he need the six hours?

The being rough and pulling your hair seems to be the norm these days from men (especially younger men) from watching porn. (You're lucky he didn't strangle you, slap and spit on you.)

You're obviously unsure about the whole thing, which is why you're posting.

I'd be calling him out on the whole experience! (Then I can see the relationship ending shortly afterwards.)

ImAStallionBaby · 01/10/2023 21:45

Fucking hell.
Does he want to buy my user name?
😀

Mountaineer0009 · 01/10/2023 21:58

omg,

exaltedwombat · 01/10/2023 22:05

I'm going to have to call you out on this one! You kissed and cuddled, then got into bed and kissed - but you 'weren't 100% ready for sex'? Then he kept it (half-way) up for 6 hours? Someone's fantasies are showing...

Pockettopic · 01/10/2023 22:06

Yes I would say porn but 6 hours is excessive. Did you consider asking him to stop? I am also seeing someone fairly new and similar thing. Completely gentle lovely guy in bed I was shocked. Definitely watches porn from some of the things he does. Wasn’t six hours though!

raven0007 · 01/10/2023 22:06

Cocaine? Did he nip to the toilet frequently?

Northernparent68 · 01/10/2023 22:21

Death grip isn’t a real thing, it’s been de bunked years ago.

Lucious1000 · 01/10/2023 22:34

Have you considered that you just didn't turn him on??

I've had 4 sexual encounters since I split with my ex. I can last a long time, but I struggled to maintain an erection with 2.5 of them.

I even went and got done viagra because I was concerned. Recent partner.....No issues. She turns me on sexually and we have a very open communication on sex. She likes it a little tough too.

Everybody is different, I don't want to be kicked in the balls, some men do 😂

If it's not working for you it's not working for you. I spent 15 years in a relationship where sex was just normal and we didn't explore or talk about our wants and needs. Let's just say I wasn't getting what I wanted, but my ex was. Problem was I could not communicate with her, in the bedroom or out. Now I don't settle for anything less than communication in and out of the bedroom.

Original poster
hellthe22 · 02/10/2023 05:46

exaltedwombat · 01/10/2023 22:05

I'm going to have to call you out on this one! You kissed and cuddled, then got into bed and kissed - but you 'weren't 100% ready for sex'? Then he kept it (half-way) up for 6 hours? Someone's fantasies are showing...

😂 I wish this wasn't true but it is

OP posts:
Original poster
hellthe22 · 02/10/2023 05:46

raven0007 · 01/10/2023 22:06

Cocaine? Did he nip to the toilet frequently?

He did actually. I didn't hear him doing anything in there mind . You got me thinking about this now x

OP posts:
Original poster
hellthe22 · 02/10/2023 05:47

ImAStallionBaby · 01/10/2023 21:45

Fucking hell.
Does he want to buy my user name?
😀

Haaaaaaaaaaaaaa this made me laugh !!!!! 😂

OP posts:
Original poster
hellthe22 · 02/10/2023 05:47

SnackQueen · 01/10/2023 21:23

I fvcking hate how women are conditioned to 'be nice' and put up with this shit.

❤️ this is how I'm feeling . I hate porn with a passion and it ruins the reality of what sex is and should be

OP posts:
Original poster
hellthe22 · 02/10/2023 05:49

itsmyp4rty · 01/10/2023 21:30

6 hours of limp dick. It's a no from me. No one is nice enough to have to put up with that.

Hi I'm sorry if I wrote it wrong in my post but it wasn't soft for 6 hours it would just randomly go soft . Then he was say it's because I need a pee then he would go to the toilet come back in go again for 45 mins to an hour and it would happen again ect

OP posts:
Original poster
hellthe22 · 02/10/2023 05:51

Lemsipper · 01/10/2023 20:35

6 hours??? Jesus 10 minutes is all I want

2 minutes was all I could handle with my ex towards the end 😂😂😂

OP posts:
Original poster
hellthe22 · 02/10/2023 05:51

Legselevens · 01/10/2023 20:27

Cocaine? due to the longevity

Unfortunately this is what I'm thinking . Are there any other signs of using cocaine ?

OP posts:
coolkatt · 02/10/2023 06:05

it really sounds like coke to me, sorry op x

harerunner · 02/10/2023 06:20

Hi I'm sorry if I wrote it wrong in my post but it wasn't soft for 6 hours it would just randomly go soft . Then he was say it's because I need a pee then he would go to the toilet come back in go again for 45 mins to an hour and it would happen again ect

It sounds like he doesn't have a problem with his erections at all. 45 mins/an hour is a long time to stay erred! If he hadn't gone soft at times over the 6 hours that would have been more of a problem, completely unnatural, and would be indicative of the dangerous condition of priapism.

If he's been single for 2 years, he's probably used to the feeling of his hand, which is very different to the feeling and rhythm of sex. That's probably why he struggled to finish if it was his first time over that period... especially if he was using condoms (which I hope he was!)

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 02/10/2023 06:24

SnackQueen · 01/10/2023 21:23

I fvcking hate how women are conditioned to 'be nice' and put up with this shit.

Yup I agree and I've been there with someone like this - I actually ghosted /slow faded him as I felt creeped out! In hindsight I wish id given him some feedback

Lostcotter · 02/10/2023 06:32

HowAmYa · 01/10/2023 12:06

Oh god. Six hours is fucking awful. I also think for your first time with him, him being rough enough for you to be concerned is incredibly irresponsible and very, very disrespectful of you, and your body and what you would want during sex.

A little bit of rough is only fine when both parties have actually spoken about it and the participator (you) have actually asked for this.

I'm sorry but this would be enough for me to call it a day. The most vulnerable part of you is when your clothes are off. And if he is like this when you're naked, what he's like the rest of the time doesn't matter, I wouldn't be able to get over my concern, my ick and the fact that the guy was being rough when I hadn't asked him to be

Yep agree with this. I’d be horrified and assume he has a porn addled brain.

This is why I also like to take thing slow. The guy I’m dating now for the past several weeks is very gentle with his hands when he massages me and kisses me etc. I have increasing trust he won’t be rough in bed but of course I don’t know for sure.

It’s difficult to get a sense of how a man will be sexually when you kiss and do everything else all at one.

CurlewKate · 02/10/2023 06:32

He was rough. He hurt you. You didn't enjoy it. Dump.

Lostcotter · 02/10/2023 06:36

Pockettopic · 01/10/2023 22:06

Yes I would say porn but 6 hours is excessive. Did you consider asking him to stop? I am also seeing someone fairly new and similar thing. Completely gentle lovely guy in bed I was shocked. Definitely watches porn from some of the things he does. Wasn’t six hours though!

That’s scary. Did you ask/want him to be more gentle?