just got a text from his girlfriend

[sopissedoff1]

NC for this. Have been seeing a guy for a few weeks. We matched on an app and were chatting loads, including sexting, sending pics, and talking on the phone. We had a date last week and slept together. All great, as far as.i knew.

Today I get a message from his number, but it's his girlfriend - who I had no idea existed - saying she's obviously found his phone and he's cheated on her with not just me but other women too.

I thought I had a pretty good radar for this sort of thing and when I've seen red flags with other men I've dumped them straight away. But this guy - I totally believed he was single, and he seemed so convincing. There was nothing that made me think I should be worried. The only thing was his communication was a bit sporadic at times. That bothered me a bit but it wasn't enough to clue me in.

I feel sick about the situation and just horrified for his partner. Not sure what advice anyone can give me. Is there something more I should have been looking out for? I mean, obviously there was, but he was so convincing.

People on MN are so weird. It wasn’t him pretending to be his gf don’t be so ridiculous 😂 he would have just blocked her. Some people on here are crazy

On the flip side just because x seems obvious does not mean it always is to everyone

I wanted some adult fun and was convinced he was single and a nice person.

Nothing wrong with that OP. Sorry you discovered otherwards.

Get an STI test.

Haha god I don't care if it was him pretending. It definitely wasn't but it makes zero difference to me either way. He's blocked and deleted, lesson learned, moving on.

Thanks to pp who gave support xx

Already done. Thank you 😊

It wasn’t. Ignore those comments I’ve realised people on here are batshit but that’s taking it extreme 🤣🤣🤣 no guys pretending to be his “gf”

People are so weird.
Sex on the first date is "poor form"?
I like sex. When I'm single I have had a lot of sex. Sex is healthy. It's not something to be ashamed of.

Also some people have nudes of me. Honestly when I'm 70 I hope they get leaked. I looked fabulous.

FGS, it’s fine to have sex on the first date.

It’s immaterial whether it was an actual girlfriend or the guy pretending. It’s over, regardless.

The only thing I would caution against, is sending nudes with your face attached - who knows what might happen to them after you’ve hit ‘send’.

You can still send nudes - just not with your face!

She hasn’t got ‘egg on her face’. What is with this absolute desperation to believe that? You and your mates sound like you’re enjoying this imaginary humiliation and appear to want to pile on the agony. Why?

How many times must the OP spell out to you that she has casual sex and was not looking for a relationship or ‘dating material’, whatever that means.

An arrangement to go out (or stay in) with another person IS a date, just a date. Not a prelude to marriage or the beginning of a dramatic, protracted withholding of the sex we want to have in some twisted, internalised misogyny fueled attempt to prove that we have worth or that we aren’t, “like that”.

Our bodies are instruments of pleasure not precious vessels of Christ. Are you ok with that? Are you ok in general?

I had hoped that mine was the last generation to have bought into the absurd notion that sex is bad and/or shameful and that women who pursue it must always end up humiliated or learning some sort of terrible lesson. When a woman is telling you that isn’t what happened you will simply delude yourselves, talk and talk until you believe it. Why?

Agree with the face advice.

People who have nudes of me I did date mainly, plus a few randoms in there. I don't consider it a big deal. No face in them, no one is going to blackmail me with them.

Well said @Lookingoutside

That was my instinct as well. M
🤔

Terrible judgement on here about casual sex 🙄. Op, have at it. Just be careful about photos etc but I think you've learnt that lesson already..

Onwards and upwards.

What sexist drivel! You might as well have said OP was "asking for it" newsflash - women can like casual sex too. It's not a male prerogative.

@sopissedoff1 it sounds as though you have your head screwed on. You couldn't have known because he was lying to you. He is definitely the scumbag.

Same here! Left a 5 year relationship so was perhaps a bit vulnerable and 22 at the time , met a 30 year old who seemed ideal, we got on so well had undeniable chemistry. I had done social media checks etc. and not found anything, at around 3 months he dropped on me he had a child I naively thought fair enough he didn't know me well enough, after over 9 months of dating and him planning to move in with me etc. I found out he had a whole fiancé! And lived in her house! I was mortified and initially believed him saying that him and her were separated for all of one week until my friend said they had looked into it and they hadn't, I let the Fiancé know everything that had sadly been going on including him bringing his child to meet me at my house and she blamed me saying 'I must've lured him', I had just left a long term relationship, he literally messaged me everyday on a gaming chat until I responded and pushed to meet me, he gave me a 'woe betide me' story about how his ex had abandoned him etc! How on earth would I have known especially with him hiding things on social media, she was 34 I was baffled she was blaming me, I'm 25 now and he repeatedly tries to contact me and I've said to him I'll be civil as he knows friends of mine but I'm not interested in the drama he put me through.

OP don't see what else you could have done. He's a liar and you're well shot.

However, no sex for 8 dates!?! Does that mean sex on the 8th or 9th date? How many dates before you kiss? On the lips? With tongues? I have not dated for many years but there have always been people who lied and cheated, luckily most don't

She's a fool if she stays with him, he's obviously a serial cheater, hopefully this time it will give her the courage to leave, you both deserve better. X

Shame on you. What pleasure do you get from saying this kind of thing? You have my pity for being such a small minded nasty piece of work. You must be filled with self loathing. Try having sex sometime, it might do you good. But make sure it's on the first date otherwise he might figure out what a big weirdo you are.

You had consensual, safe sex and seems both of you were looking for a hook up. Sure, sending pics to a stranger is risky. But if you both wanted sex and met up and had sex there is no need for a few meeting beforehand.

It sucks that he ended up being in a relationship (or pretending to be in one if that's a thing). But it's not your responsibility to look for sign of a relationship other than the obvioua ones. He was on a dating app. You wanted sex and got it as did he. The rest is his and his gf's problem. On to the next one and hopefully he's single.

Fantastic comment. I agree.

And I just don't accept the judgment and shame some people are trying to put on me. They can say what they like, but I'm not going to stop enjoying sex or having sex anytime soon!

The face advice is good advice. There are a couple of pics with my face in tbh but they are kind of tame and I look awesome in them and so 🤷‍♀️

But I agree in general - disappearing pics and no faces are the rule.

Thanks to everyone giving support. He is definitely the scumbag and I just hope his gf has enough confidence to walk away from him. She said he has talked her into giving him another chance before now. I wanted to tell her to get on MN and get some LTB energy, but decided it wasn't my place. Hope she gets shot of him and that his dick falls off!

I am feeling much better this morning. I have other nice men in my life and I guess it's inevitable that a dickhead is going to roll around once in a while. Onwards and upwards!

Haha thank you! This comment really made me laugh 😃