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Original poster

Coming out as lesbian at 53, any hope?

73 replies

EmmasRegurgitatedShrimps · 01/08/2023 21:49

Struggled with this all my life, am married to a man I’ve not slept with in years and who I’m breaking up with, and now it’s really clear to me I’m gay. Does this ever work out? Would any woman ever take me seriously if I’ve never had a relationship with a female before? I’ve been such an idiot. How common is this?

OP posts:
Gettinagoldtoof · 01/08/2023 21:51

Common. Relax. Start socialising with lesbians before you go dating. Make some friends. Get to know what it’s like. If you’re in London give me a pm I can show you around a bit. Get on meetup and look for groups.

Hoppinggreen · 01/08/2023 21:53

My friend left her H for a woman age 51.
She wasn’t happy in her marriage and took up a hobby to get out of the house more and met a woman there who she felt a connection with
They are both very happy

Original poster
EmmasRegurgitatedShrimps · 01/08/2023 21:54

Thank you, both. Some good advice there.

OP posts:
Booha · 01/08/2023 21:55

My ex next door neighbour got divorced to her husband in her 40s, two dc.They had been married twenty years. After her divorce , she met a lovely woman who eventually moved in next to ours and as far as I know they are still very much together. 💗 Good luck

Belindablinked2 · 01/08/2023 21:57

It worked for Miranda. Go for it. You've a lot of life left to live and love

Est1990 · 01/08/2023 21:58

You will be fine. Just be honest. Good luck to this new phase of your life😁

PearlHandle · 01/08/2023 21:59

I'd go so far as to say it's not uncommon.

Also, women aren't twats so you don't have to be concerned that they wouldn't be interested in who you are.

Simonjt · 01/08/2023 22:01

It really isn’t unusual at all in the gay world, you’ll be absolutely fine.

Original poster
EmmasRegurgitatedShrimps · 01/08/2023 22:03

Thank you for the replies. I feel like I’d come across as a fraud so the support is really encouraging.

OP posts:
drunkpeacock · 01/08/2023 22:05

This is getting increasingly common, women entering relationships with other women once their heterosexual relationships are done. I personally know about four couples that this applies to, all very happy and as far as I know nobody has batted an eyelid.
@Gettinagoldtoof gives good advice, go to meet ups and groups and get to know people first and see how you feel before you rush into anything.

Atethehalloweenchocs · 01/08/2023 22:08

Its really common, I knew a lot of women like this when I was living in the States. No one will think badly of you - or if they do, they are not people you need to be around. Congratulations on figuring out what you need and I hope you can go for it.

SarahAndQuack · 01/08/2023 22:17

You'll be fine! IME almost everyone feels they came out 'too late' and wonders if people will take them seriously/whether they've left it too long. I know so many lesbians who came out at all different ages. We all had feelings of nervousness, as if there were 'proper' lesbians who knew when they were 5, and then there was us. But it's not like that!

Congratulations and welcome in. Smile

Summerscoming23 · 01/08/2023 22:19

Its never too late to become you. All the best and good luck in your new journey

Wibbleswombats · 01/08/2023 22:21

Late blooming lesbian is a sub on reddit, I think?

Wibbleswombats · 01/08/2023 22:22

As in, quite common, not gone and looked tho, as I'm not a reddit fan, think I saw it here.

Original poster
EmmasRegurgitatedShrimps · 01/08/2023 22:23

Thank you, your messages are really helping me.

OP posts:
AMuser · 01/08/2023 22:26

Happened to one of the founders of this hallowed site - so it’s v v common 😃. Wishing you much happiness OP.

continentallentil · 01/08/2023 22:29

Someone I know has just got to the point she can tell everyone she’s gay at 57. She’s divorced. Two kids in 20s.

I don’t think it’s unusual. She’s hoping to have her first relationship with a woman.

YesitsBess · 01/08/2023 22:31

I've no experience of this, I was just really touched by all the support you're getting.

Wishing you every joy!

Quickdraw23 · 01/08/2023 22:32

OP personally I think anyone who doesn’t take you seriously because of you previous relationships/marriages wouldn’t be worth your time. I came out as a little teenage squirt nearly 20 years ago, and I’d consider anyone who has that attitude very close minded.

There is huge variation of experience within the lgbt community and there are lots of lesbian/bi women who come out in their 40s and 50s. My partner sang in a lesbian and gay choir for a while and the lady who stood next to her had come out aged 60 and had recently started dating 😊

I hope you’re doing ok - it is a big thing to realise and get to grips with, at any age. Try to be kind to yourself x

Original poster
EmmasRegurgitatedShrimps · 01/08/2023 22:34

Every post here is making me so glad I asked. Thank you.

OP posts:
Tryingmuchharder · 01/08/2023 22:55

A friend of mine did in her 50's she's happy. Be happy.

cupoftee · 01/08/2023 22:56

Never to late.

I wouldn't bat an eyelid if you were my family/ friend/ colleague. So long as you're a nice person that's all that matters!

Be happy!

OriginalFloorboards · 01/08/2023 23:03

You will be absolutely fine. Like others have said - those that it bothers you don’t need to be around. I think it’s a lot more common than you think also by reading some of the comments. Well done on being brave and starting to become the new you 🙌

ilyana · 01/08/2023 23:07

I'm 38 and feeling the same. Not even sure I'm a lesbian but am fantasising about women constantly, getting crushes on female celebrities, and men are basically invisible to me now unless I'm trying to avoid their unwanted advances.

I'm also very worried I'll be seen as a fraud or as weak for not being too cowardly to come out sooner, even though I didn't know (and still don't know tbh). I have absolutely no idea what to do sexually with a woman!

So just to say you're not the only one!