Coming out as lesbian at 53, any hope?

[EmmasRegurgitatedShrimps]

Struggled with this all my life, am married to a man I’ve not slept with in years and who I’m breaking up with, and now it’s really clear to me I’m gay. Does this ever work out? Would any woman ever take me seriously if I’ve never had a relationship with a female before? I’ve been such an idiot. How common is this?

What a lovely supportive thread!
Good luck OP

I’m in the same boat, and would love to know how and where to meet others.
Also not wanting to derail this lovely thread, but would love to know of any groups worth joining?

^This

I’m a lesbian, it’s quite common for women to come out later in life after long term heterosexual relationships or marriages, don’t worry. I would suggest trying to meet women online or through meet up groups, all my friends were straight so I didn’t really go to any lesbian friendly places, I’m also femme and told I look straight so I don’t usually get approached by other women.

I met my exes on Tinder and my wife on POF. I know they have a bad reputation, but if you can sort through the crazies and time wasters there are some genuinely lovely people on there.

Ahh, what an amazing thread 🤗just wanted to second everything that’s already been said. My wife came out young but I was a bit older when I came out. Try not to worry… nobody has a manual and we’re all just humans muddling through… you’ll find your way if you let yourself explore. Congratulations, and as someone already said- welcome to the family ❤

OP, we all discover things about ourselves as life goes on. We tend to be brought up in a hetro default. Just enjoy being who you are. And remember, you owe no explanation to naybody else. x

I know a couple who clocked each other in church with their husbands in their 50s, fell in love on the spot. Been together many years now.

Would really recommend the book Hidden Nature by Alys Fowler, it's about a married woman discovering she is gay later in life, it's also a really brilliant book.

I read Alys's article in the Guardian about her journey, literally, as it involved taking up kayaking. Lovely.

I was in my late 30s but my partner was early 50s when we got together. Both had been married to men.

I've got friends through later in life lesbian groups who got together at 60&70 respectively and are so happy.

Good luck OP.
I'm so much happier divorced from my xh and in a loving relationship with a woman and I hope you find that.

Really nice seeing all the supportive messages, and I'd like to add to the positivity 😊. 53 , god you've got plenty of time to find someone 😊

I came out at 42 and after a few fumbles I'm in a relationship. I was never one for going out loads when I was younger ,and after my divorce at 35 , I kind of just gave up looking for someone.

I did have feelings for women, but it wasn't until I was over 40 that I started actively looking for a woman, it did help that I have a very supportive friend. So I began using apps, I basically signed up for all of them Tinder, Hinge, Bumble and Her, and you have to keep your wits about you, but it's not as bad as people say. I only ever met up with women once I was 100% . I began going on dates , it was different, but it's a case of staying positive, you could easily make a friend , it doesn't always have to be about romance. I have my fingers crossed for you, all the best

Having been on the other side of this (ex ended our marriage to come out as gay) I can tell you that it's a lot more common than most people realise.

Please just be kind to your husband. Most of us straight partners in this situation are very understanding. What causes immense hurt is if there's deceit before the disclosure or serious lack of consideration for how it impacts us.

Your husband might want to check out Straight Partners Anonymous for support.

Dont you worry about people taking you serioulsy or not hun. You are 53 years old and your life is just about to begin. Enjoy it freely because as humans, if we get to do that, then we can say we have lived.

Love xx

Lesbian here, older than you. It's really not that uncommon. There's an older lesbians group on FB. Join in and have fun!

Good luck xxx

Such wonderful messages, advice and personal stories, thank you so much. I appreciate every single one.

Hi OP, Now you have had 2 weeks since you first posted to absorb the opinions given, are you reassured enough to seek a relationship? Do you have someone in mind?
I am also 50s, my first date with a woman was at 45, 2yrs after split from Ex. I have just had a couple of dates with a new friend.

I’ve a close friend like this. She wasn’t married but had only been in relationships with men. Came out mid forties and now married to a woman. I’ve also known of a couple of other similar. You’ll be fine.

And many more weeks since you asked this! Sorry. Yes, I’d almost say the answers on this thread have marked a pivotal moment for me. No one in particular in mind, except for someone I met who made everything click into place about the things I’ve been thinking and feeling, but she is married and i wouldn’t say anything to her anyway cos of meeting circumstances. Thank you for sharing your experience. I’m taking fairy steps so far - a couple of group meet-ups - but have to go carefully because there is a lot to sort out at home. I hope things are going well with your new friend.

Thank you. This is all so encouraging. I feel awakened.

I think it's not that unusual. Seems to be happening more and more. And as AMuser said you're on the right site!

Hi, i've just come across this post while searching. I've just come to the realisation i am in this boat. Married for 20+ years with 2 children. We've not been intimate for over 10 years and i spend alot of time fantasising about being happy with a women! Help! Xxxx

Who's Miranda?

Good luck @EmmasRegurgitatedShrimps!