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Original poster

Age gap, do I tell him now or after first date?

73 replies

Cherryblossom200 · 03/07/2023 10:26

Hello!

I recently met someone on holiday, it was in a bar with friends - we were all a bit drunk but there was a good connection and we've been chatting ever since we got home.

There's a lot we've got in common, but the main thing is there is an age gap. He is 39 (my mates googled him 🤣) and I'm 47. We both have children, so the having kids thing shouldn't be an issue. We've not discussed the age thing yet, I'm wondering if I should tell him now or during the date. To see if we actually like each other after meeting again. I'm ok with the age gap, but he might not be which is fair enough.

Also he has a high powered job, I'm just a regular person. He knows that and doesn't seem to be an issue, but I'm wondering long term if that will work. Financially we are total opposites, I have a good job but his earnings are well above the average salary 😂

I don't know whether to just leave it...🤷‍♀️

OP posts:
NutellaNut · 03/07/2023 10:40

I’d just go on the date and see if it pans out. I thought you were going to say you’d lied about your age on an online dating site. Since that’s not the case, no one’s lied about anything and he’s perfectly happy to meet up so just go with the flow.

Original poster
Cherryblossom200 · 03/07/2023 10:41

No I've not lied, it's just never been brought up! 😂 I look a lot younger than my age so I think he thinks I'm the same age as him!

OP posts:
madeinmanc · 03/07/2023 10:42

I'd tell him before.

TheoTheopolis23 · 03/07/2023 10:43

You both have kids already and presumably dint want more so the main issue is null and void.

It's up to him if he doesn't want a relationship with an older woman when he finds out.

It's very early days anyway.

Id tell him asap di you don't get invested and then disappointed if he's not prepared to have a relationship with an older woman.

Armeins · 03/07/2023 10:43

As long as you haven't lied or will lie about it if asked then I don't see a problem.

liveforsummer · 03/07/2023 10:43

I don't think it's a big deal and I'd not mention it beforehand as you only know from some light stalking 😅. Casually bring it up on the date if you feel you need to but it's not a problematic gap so there is no real need

NutellaNut · 03/07/2023 10:46

Something similar happened with me actually. My DP is 5 years younger but thought I was the younger one! Didn’t bother him one bit when he found out (it came out quite quickly/ naturally) and we’re still together 10 years on, so go for it! 😀

Original poster
Cherryblossom200 · 03/07/2023 10:47

The thing is I can't be bothered to go on the date or invest my energy even in chatting if it's a problem - he seems very keen though. Always contacting me and telling me about his life, so I think I'm the one with the problem 😂

OP posts:
skgnome · 03/07/2023 10:49

I would just tell him in person
just a casual, so how old are you?

Original poster
Cherryblossom200 · 03/07/2023 10:52

Ok I'll do that, I think in person is better tbh. I may not even like him sober 😂

OP posts:
HappyHippoBirthay · 03/07/2023 10:52

Tell him before the date and men don't generally care if the woman earns less, in fact some prefer it.

liveforsummer · 03/07/2023 10:52

When is the date? Assuming it's quite soon it's worth going on to see if the spark is there. Sometimes it isn't in the cold light of day compared to a carefree holiday anyway. The age thing might be irrelevant. Definitely bring it up casually during the date as it's clearly bothering you and best you do know sooner rather than later but personally I'd not be admitting I'd been looking him up online to find out age etc 😆

Original poster
Cherryblossom200 · 03/07/2023 10:57

No absolutely I wouldn't tell him we Facebook stalker him 🤣 I would just causally bring it up in conversation.

OP posts:
huntingcunting · 03/07/2023 11:23

Just go on the date and see what happens. You can bring the age thing up in conversation at some point.
No point overthinking the age thing - you might go on the date and find there's no spark there after all, or you might find there's something about him that puts you off.
Don't overthink the job thing at this stage either.
It's worth getting to know him a bit better in person anyway - that's the whole point of dating.
You can decide at any point (as can he) that it isn't right for you, for whatever reason.

Daffodil18 · 03/07/2023 11:48

I’d definitely bring it up by text and say btw I never asked how old you are and when he tells you then you can say your age. If it’s a problem then he’ll soon back off. If you tell him on the date and it’s a problem then it might just be awkward.

hattie43 · 03/07/2023 11:49

It's not a huge age difference so if he's keen I don't think he'd be bothered. Let him know beforehand and see how he reacts .

Prettylittleroses · 03/07/2023 11:49

Just message and say so how old are you. When he says uou tell him yours, see the reaction . Or say I’m 47 how about you?

locketrocket · 03/07/2023 11:53

Speaking from experience..

DP is 40 and I'm 47.
We met through a mutual friend and we didn't specifically discuss our ages until our second date. And I'm glad because I got to know him. He knew I was a bit older because of my dc ages, but by the time we actually knew each others age we had decided to give it a go.

That was 4 years ago 😍

Original poster
Cherryblossom200 · 03/07/2023 12:17

Rocket I think I'm going to do what you have done, we both have the same aged kids so I think he thinks I'm his age 😂

OP posts:
Pinkbonbon · 03/07/2023 12:25

8 years isn't much of an age gap is it?

I mean maybe if he was 32 and you were 40 it might matter IF he was looking to start a family because that might prove difficult at 40.

But as us, why would your age difference change anything?

Also, be careful, I noticed you seem a bit focused on his earnings. Don't let (what he tells you) about his salary make you think you're punching above your weight. It could be bs anyway. And ge could turn out to be a prat.

NancyPickford · 03/07/2023 12:41

I met my husband when I was 42 and he was 34. After a few dates he asked me how hold I was. This was because in conversation, reminiscing about music etc, he must have realised my memories went back further than his! He was unfazed by the news, and we have been married for 27 years.

IDontLoveTheWayYouLie · 03/07/2023 12:42

I don't think 8 year is that much or a gap. He might be fine with it.

Id just message be ask how old he was

Prettylittleroses · 03/07/2023 12:46

Cherryblossom200 · 03/07/2023 12:17

Rocket I think I'm going to do what you have done, we both have the same aged kids so I think he thinks I'm his age 😂

Won’t you be more invested by then, and more hurt, is it not better to know up front if this is an issue?

JeandeServiette · 03/07/2023 12:47

I don't think an 8 year gap in your 30s/40s is a big deal TBH. So don't make it into one.

5128gap · 03/07/2023 13:00

If an age gap is big enough to be an issue, a bar would have to be extremely dimly lit for it not to be apparant! I'm sure he clocked the ball park of your age, is aware you're older than him and was fine with it. If you were 70 had met in the pitch dark and he thought you were 35 you might be advised to come clean, otherwise I'd leave it.