Age gap, do I tell him now or after first date?

[Cherryblossom200]

Hello!

I recently met someone on holiday, it was in a bar with friends - we were all a bit drunk but there was a good connection and we've been chatting ever since we got home.

There's a lot we've got in common, but the main thing is there is an age gap. He is 39 (my mates googled him 🤣) and I'm 47. We both have children, so the having kids thing shouldn't be an issue. We've not discussed the age thing yet, I'm wondering if I should tell him now or during the date. To see if we actually like each other after meeting again. I'm ok with the age gap, but he might not be which is fair enough.

Also he has a high powered job, I'm just a regular person. He knows that and doesn't seem to be an issue, but I'm wondering long term if that will work. Financially we are total opposites, I have a good job but his earnings are well above the average salary 😂

I don't know whether to just leave it...🤷‍♀️

It's not a huge gap. Own it when you discuss it, don't feel you have to admit your age like it's something shameful.

We went on our first official date and it went really well. The age thing came up really quickly, I told him and there is no issue there. We're meeting up for date 2 soon 😊

Thought you guys would like to know!

Thanks for your advice ❤️

That is fantastic, @Cherryblossom200!

I think you announcing it like it could be a deal breaker could set the tone that it's 'bad' even if he wasn't thinking that he might. If you really want to make sure he knows you could bring it into conversation like 'when I was a teen in the 80s' or I spent the millennium with my work mates (I haven't done the maths here) to ensure he knows you're older. But honestly, you're as old as the man you feel 😍

It just came up naturally, I didn't announce it 😂

But he didn't flinch, messaged me as soon as I left and arranged a 2nd date!

I'm 8 years older than my DH. He's lost most of his hair and now looks the same age as me. We've been together for 17 years.

Good luck OP, try not to overthink it.

I have what MN would call a "problematic" age gap in that DH of >10 years is 23 years younger than me. We're really happy and the gap has never been an issue for him. (Or me, once I got used to it!)

He also knows what he's signed up for in the future, although obviously me being so much older is no guarantee that I will be the first to deteriorate.

I think as long as there isn't a fertility/children issue, it's down to you and how much you enjoy each other's company.

There are some issues such as pension planning that are affected for us but are unlikely to make a dent for you.

8 years? Blimey 😂

It's only 8 years, not the end of the world! Have you chatted about the age of your kids? He may have worked it out anyway.

Definitely go on a date! Get dressed up, have a few drinks and see how it goes. You don't have to make any promises or decisions for a while yet.

Oops just saw your update. Glad it went well x

Awww yay what a lovely update 😍

Just came across this post OP. I’m seeing a guy who’s 12 years younger than me. I’m 48, he’s 36. I’ve only ever been with men who were older than me (my exDH is 7 years older than me). I have to say I’ve never clicked with anyone so easily or been so at ease. It’s really been an eye opener! I wish you all the best with him :) x

I'm almost certain he is seeing someone else, I vaguely recollect he saying he's been seeing someone for the past couple of months but it's still early days.

He contacts me all the time, today he sent his regular morning message and said he is off on the train someone with a photo of a cute dog on his travels. When I asked if he was off anywhere exciting there was no response (he read the message) and been awol since. He is perfectly within his rights to still date other people.

But it doesn't sit well with me, I always date one person at a time. Im happy to just leave it and let him get to know the other person.

What's the best way to go about it?

Hmm, does sound likely. Assume if he actually told you he's seeing someone then he is so shouldn't come as too much of a surprise

Op I hope he isn’t, but if he is I’d just let it go too. I wouldn’t want to date someone who was seeing multiple people at once.

Please keep us updated

I asked him yesterday, I just said I recollect him saying he had been someone over the past couple of months and that if that's the case I'd prefer not not continue.

He said he isn't seeing anyone and that if he was he wouldn't of met me in the first place for a date.

But I'm unsure about stuff, he went awol for a couple of days, unlike him as he normally messages me all the time. Apologised and explained why. But he hasn't messaged me so much since then, so I've pulled back too. No idea what is happening but I'm bored of it.

If he's not sleeping with others I wouldn't mind if he were dating around. Dating multiple people used to be the norm.

In my observation, premature/instant romantic attachment isn't necessarily a good thing. Be friends first.

That's very true. But we hardly chat at all 😂 He sent me a message earlier in the morning, just doesn't something random about work, weather and his kids. My response was fairly similar.

And that was it, not heard anything back.

It's gone from literally him messaging me constantly. If I was out with friends and didn't respond back he would message me again, now I barely hear a thing.

I'd give this one a swerve if I were you. I think you got it into your head you were on the back foot because you're older (even though he clearly didn't care!) and now he's blowing hot and cold and it's doing nothing to make you feel confident.
These things exist to make us feel good not to have to keep wondering if they like us because we're older/they're seeing other people/they don't message...
I'm sure you won't be short of offers.

Honestly I'd just leave it. Sometimes there is an initial spark and then it fades after a date or two or you realise hes multi dating. Either way I'd just not message again. His loss.

Hardly an age gap. My husband was 32 when i was 47.

He's practically 40 at 39 and you both have kids.

I think you're making an issue out of absolutely nothing tbh.

I think I'm just going to leave it like you say, I have a feeling he will message me at some point over the weekend as I'm away and he has his kids so will be bored!

I just always feel rude ignoring someone, but I'm guessing I can't say we're breaking up even if we're not together 😂 I'd like to ideally say that I think timing etc isn't right and wish him the best