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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

My date told me something

80 replies

Milou89 · 27/01/2023 22:34

Hi!
Met this guy last summer. He was working on and off at the same place as me. We stayed in touch and been on two dates together. We text eachother every week. I never had so much in common with someone in my life. He's funny, good in his job, I feel very happy around him. He is working full time and studying at the same time. Last night, we were talking on messenger and I asked him his plans for sunday afternoon. He told me: "studying and going to my AA meeting". We didnt talked about it more. It's not a complete suprise to me because his teeth are a bit in a bad state for a 31 years old. I'm a bit confused because I always told myself that alcool and drugs are a big no for me. But I have a really good feeling regarding this guy. I am the one who made the first steps. I am really independent and dont want kids. I enjoy living alone and don't plan to live with someone else soon. Just want to have good times with this guy and see where it goes. I'm curious, what would you do in this particular case?

OP posts:

Emmamoo89 · 28/01/2023 21:23

People can get over addictions. My partner has and I've very proud of him. Stood by his side and always will

Emmamoo89 · 28/01/2023 21:24

I'm*

Luredbyapomegranate · 28/01/2023 21:29

Well by telling you he’s inviting a conversation, so I’d ask him about it.

If he’s been sober and in AA for at least 2 years, I’d proceed with caution. Less than that and I’d say (and I think many alcohol counsellors would say) that he is too early in recovery to be in a relationship.

Lili132 · 28/01/2023 21:29

Workinghardeveryday · 28/01/2023 00:25

Totally agree.

People have a past. People make mistakes. He is addressing his and sorting.

Just look at all the alcohol addiction threads on here, people desperately trying to stop, most haven’t got so far as this man. Good for him I say

Show quote history

But it's not in the past is it? Going to AA is just a beginning of the journey and many do relapse. He should be focusing on his recovery.

Sandra1984 · 28/01/2023 21:42

The part that has me more concerned about this thread is the fact that you've known him for 6 months yet only met twice. Thats a lot of emotional investment in basically... a total stranger. You don't know this guy from Adam and sounds like you've idealised him until now when he just confessed to being an alcoholic. I wonder what other surprises there are to come, a partner? a secret child? you've never spent time at his house, is he really single? You need to spend time in real life with this man in order to know if he's good for you, texting for 6 months doesn't cut it, it's with actions not words how you get to know someone. After 6 months he's still a stranger for you.

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