DP's creepy group chats

[SinkingFeelingInMyStomach]

DP has been very cagey with his phone for the past couple of months. Last night, I looked over while we were sitting on the sofa and saw him scrolling through nudes of various women on a Telegram chat group. This morning, I looked at his phone's notifications and saw lots of messages from said group. Googled and found a post talking about it. I'm pretty sure it's the same group — there are loads of others but this one uses the same phrasing as the title of the one he's in — and apparently to join and remain a member of the group you'd have to upload nudes of women from time to time!

Confronted DP and he said that almost everyone there just shares nudes they see on reddit (what he did) and you "only" have to share photos when you join but I am fucking scared he used ones of me. There are tens of thousands of people in this group and it's UK based ffs. He's left the group but I don't know if he's in others as there's so many similar ones with similar "rules" and it all makes me sick.

Is there a way I can make sure he deletes all my nudes, no backups, none saved in the cloud or something, before I break up with him? He thinks we're ok now and I don't want him to get suspicious.

Re boundaries, where exactly is the line? When I was in uni, guys scrolled through nudes casually during class like its Instagram, so many female classmates I know were on only fans, almost every "fun" social group on WhatsApp or telegram or discord were full of links to nudes on reddit etc. I have a line but reasonably every single guy I know crosses it so what's the fucking point

I'm an older millennial, in my mid 30s. I feel really sorry for women your age OP. Things are worse now for young women than they were when I was at uni. Sure, there's more talk about consent and that's good for everyone, but it's massively swung in a negative direction. I can't imagine how it would have made me feel to know that boys were scrolling through porn or nudes in class, to be expected to tolerate OnlyFans as if it was an average pastime, to have to deal with disgusting entitled men that think you owe them nudes, to have all that normalised. I've never provided nudes. A considerate, sensible man would never ask for one because phones and accounts can be hacked into, and your nudes would then be distributed by the hacker to whoever wants them. It's too risky even if the man's intention wasn't to share them.

@feellikeanalien
Definitely I've seen a change in a male dominated work environment after being away. Men don't hide openly talking about women sexually, joking about filming women during sex.It's bloody awful and there's an undercurrent of slight aggression with it. As in don't dare complain or you'll be ostracized. I've had to tolerate sexual comments that wouldn't have been tolerated years back for fear of my job. I'm sick of men. I feel for young women like the op.

I was at uni 2007 and remember my older (25+) classmates taking about looking at jailbait on Reddit, there was also a “brothel” on campus (this was a top ten uni at the time), and many of my friends / girls on my course engaged in sexual favours with professors, including public flashing and sending nudes
when I worked in an office with mainly men they would “joke” about going to the bathroom for a wank
its always been grim for women and it sounds even worse now :( sorry OP
i feel even worse for my daughter growing up in this world!! God this thread depressed me
when u find out how addicted to porn most men are it makes interacting with them quite a horrible prospect as it seems they view all females through that lens

I have a line but reasonably every single guy I know crosses it so what's the fucking point

There are currently 33.72 million males in the UK, you are talking about a handful.

Time to level up op.