Uncomfortable finding on iPad

[Agateblue]

Hi all, I’m just seeking your views on this one as I am no longer with this man. A few years back, when he was mid-50’s. I discovered porn on his iPad. I had suspected he was using it, but was shocked to see that the women involved were about 19 or 20. Possibly 18, but not illegal. Still, it felt ‘icky’ to me. To defend himself, he gave me his personal journal so I could see that there was nothing untoward about him. There was nothing about the porn in there, in fact there was nothing much to read, except that I came across an entry written a few years earlier (he would have been about 48 then) and before I got together with him. He describes an encounter with a female who served him, and who he described as a young and very attractive sales assistant. She would have been 18+ as that chain store doesn’t employ anyone younger (alcohol). He implied in the next sentence that he was going to forget it because (and he wrote it as a list), she knew his age, she had his credit card details, she could find out where he lived etc. There was nothing about him knowing her age, or anything else, and clearly he didn’t act on it, but I felt really uncomfortable and dumped him straightaway. I’ve never told my 27 year old daughter or anyone else. I was in shock I guess. But something this week reminded me of it, and despite moving on, I still feel icky when I recalled it. What do you think?

@Agateblue1 you're not a prude and the hobbies comment was just silly.

It's soul-destroying when you realise a man values a youthful body to the point that he will make a fool of himself like this in public. I've experienced that with a partner, and all the young women I can remember (waitresses and sales assistants like you say) have reacted so graciously and engaged with him, but I can tell they're thinking 'awkward' and possible 'eww arsehole'.
Incompatible is right.

@secsee no teen porn is not just petite women . Is that supposed to be a joke . Have you actually read the stats on teen porn qbd how much of it is actual underage ?
You sound extremely uneducated about the industry
Go take a look at the stats on enough.org then come back and say people speaking out against the genre of ‘teen ‘ porn are catastrophising
Do yoh have daughters , granddaughters ?

@secsee
Recently one of the biggest porn platforms had to shut down after a massive expose in order to clear their illegal content which was massive
Surely you’re aware of this abd also the fact that it’s far from the only site !
Do you not think a HUGE amount of this was classified as ‘teen’ porn .
Are you really sitting there pretending this isn’t a problem , it’s just catastrophising and these things didn’t happen

Also @secsee you made a claim that teen pirn is just petite women
Can you please show me that evidence and explain how you KNOW they are all just ‘petite women’ . The courts have ruled that many videos are actually underage but somehow you KNOW ? Are you psychic

@Pinkbucket

Also *@secsee* you made a claim that teen pirn is just petite women Can you please show me that evidence and explain how you KNOW they are all just ‘petite women’ . The courts have ruled that many videos are actually underage but somehow you KNOW ? Are you psychic

All major porn sites verify their users. So all questionable videos are deleted.

I'm not going to post a screenshot of pornhubs homepage to prove to you, look it up yourself

Teen is a VERY common porn category. They are petite women. Why would pornhub open themselves up to a massive child abuse lawsuit, for what reason? It's in their own interests to remove it and they have AFAIK

I wouldn't bat an eye at seeing "teen" on someone's search history. As I say, it's a common category, it's going women.

Any man who is an actual predator should be reported. Otherwise, chill out. Whether it's creepy or not for a 50yo to watch is another question- but practically they are adults.

[quote Pinkbucket]@secsee no teen porn is not just petite women . Is that supposed to be a joke . Have you actually read the stats on teen porn qbd how much of it is actual underage ?
You sound extremely uneducated about the industry
Go take a look at the stats on enough.org then come back and say people speaking out against the genre of ‘teen ‘ porn are catastrophising
Do yoh have daughters , granddaughters ?[/quote]

It's been widely reported and AFAIK, the big platforms have removed videos after backlash. I'm not a porn expert so maybe I'm wrong.

My point is as a category teen is massive and one of the most popular, like it or not. It's not this one bloke, and most on most high profile properties are young women, they don't look much different than me.

Also no need to @ 3 times in a row

@secsee
Hangon so are you claiming that this ( the underage girls on porn sites ) didn’t happen by saying why would they leave themselves open to this
Or admitting it did bu saying the big platforms removed videos after backlash )

Why did they remove videos of what they didn’t allow to happen ( according to you

Very bizarre and sojourned argument

Who gives two bananas whether they look like you
I asked do you have daughters not what you look like

As for being a porn expert , no neither am I but I do have some background .
Mohegan much formal or informal education do you have on the abuses perpetrated by the industry ? And are you aware trafficked and non consensual videos are a huge problem
Yoh may thing the verification process are across the board and thorough . They are not
There are many women who are fighting to have videos removed from sites that were posted without consent and only tiday I read another of a woman who’s video of underage rape is on one of these sites and they still have not removed it
I think the threads gone way off topic so I’m going to leave you to your ignorant believe that the industries fine and teen porn is just petite women

It's fucking gross, no matter how people try and justify it. It just makes older women feel unattractive.

After your update he sounds like a general creep and not a great guy - thank your lucky stars your well out of it and move on!

To defend himself, he gave me his personal journal so I could see that there was nothing untoward about him.

If there was nothing untoward (and by this I'd assume you mean comments about underage girls) so you really expect him to write about it on his journal??

He implied in the next sentence that he was going to forget it because (and he wrote it as a list), she knew his age, she had his credit card details, she could find out where he lived etc.

This is the bit that is a red flag for me - what was a mid 50'year old considering doing that he had to forget about? Even more worrying, why would he be concerned about her being able to track him down of she (or the authorities) needed to??

I think the porn is a red herring here - that sounds normal (rightly or wrongly) but the real life encounter with the girl, and him being worried about her being able to track him down of he pursued it is extremely worrying

She wasn’t underage - definitely 18+ as the shop sold alcohol. But why he mentioned that she knew his age, and that she had his credit card details was odd to me. We will never know.

Perhaps he just needed to rationalise it to move on from it.

@Agateblue1

She wasn’t underage - definitely 18+ as the shop sold alcohol. But why he mentioned that she knew his age, and that she had his credit card details was odd to me. We will never know.

I thought op was implying that she thought he was considering attacking her in some way, but then later she mentions flirting with her?

It’s all a bit confusing and to be honest sounds like she’s best out of it, but from what I got from the updates it doesn’t sound like she thought there would be something dangerous, but that he regularly flirted with young waitresses/customer service workers. Which I agree is a bit gross.

Thinking about it, I think he might have considered asking her out for a date, but didn’t want to get involved in a relationship. And her knowing his age might mean that he was likely to get turned down in the first place, so why bother. A pp suggested that it was a bit of fantasy, following an attraction, but that he later thought better of it. Makes sense I guess. As I mentioned, looking back, there was a consistent attraction to women in their twenties. But he generally dated women of his own age. Still … as one pp has said … it didn’t make you feel very attractive! A poor match and incompatible.

I find it a bit disconcerting that after finding porn (and how was this ‘accidentally’ found?) that the OP would then want to read his private personal journal.
Im fairly certain my DP uses porn (his iPad with headphones plugged in by his bed quite often). I’m undecided on how I feel about it. I’d never in a million years check his iPad though. And if I didn’t see some porn on there, if I felt upset/concerned by it I wouldn’t dream of reading his private journal, even if he offered me to. I’d feel intrusive and over-stepping into his personal interior world.

I feel like the OP overstepped into both his private sexual fantasies and then his private journal thoughts. Doesn’t sound healthy.