Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Ladies who are used to dating older men

32 replies

Awomanneedingadvice · 14/02/2021 11:00

This is for you ladies that have always dated older men. Would you date someone your age or younger? I have never been with or dated a man my age or younger. I am mid to late 20’s and have only ever dated men at least 5 years older, previously 10 years older. I have started speaking to someone my age (a few months younger) and I don’t know how I feel about it. He is lovely but not sure whether to continue with it (within COVID guidelines) and the only reason for me second guessing it is the age. No red flags or anything as of yet. I am probably just being silly but I want to know people’s experiences with dating someone their age or younger Smile

OP posts:
PilatesPeach · 14/02/2021 11:09

So many people never find anyone they like - I would date anyone I had a connection with irrespective of age unless they were significantly older or younger like over 10 or 15 years. How will you know if you don't try? Age is like someone's shoe size - can't be changed so not a big deal surely? He might be amazing, you might fall in love, why not try if there are no red flags? Some older men I have dated are really boring & grumpy! Yes they might be good in bed but they only want it when their knee or back isn't playing up or if they aren't gardening or watching Poirot!

RantyAnty · 14/02/2021 11:10

I was married to someone 20 years younger. My DSis married someone 7 years younger.

A few months is nothing.

BibbityBobbety · 14/02/2021 11:20

Why do you think him being a similar age is a problem?

Original poster
Awomanneedingadvice · 14/02/2021 11:22

Immaturity is my main concern Bibbity. I have always been more mature for my age and I don’t want a man child like some of my friends have

OP posts:
catfeets · 14/02/2021 11:31

I was used to dating (and married to) men at least 5yrs older (I'm 35). I felt that I needed the extra maturity as we all know most men don't act their age!
When I met my DP online, I forgot to change the age filter and he's 5yrs younger than me. He messaged me before I could change it back and I gave him a chance. I was worried he wouldn't be in the right place emotionally and not having had any lengthy relationships, I assumed he would be crap at them.
I've realised that age really doesn't matter (I did feel weird about it for a while), it's all about the person. You could still get a 50yr old man child whether they are older than you or not. He's much more mature than the men I was dating who were 10yrs older than him.
I'd give him a chance if I were you, and if you start to see red flags then dump him. As long as his behaviour is mature and he's emotionally mature, it's worth seeing how it pans out.

TitInATrance · 14/02/2021 11:37

It depends how old you are. When you are young you need to be at a similar stage of emotional maturity. In the parenting years, you need to be up for parenting the same age children, or not parenting.

At my advanced age health and fitness levels are everything.

ItisLikethis · 14/02/2021 11:42

@Awomanneedingadvice There are plenty of older men who lack not only maturity, but integrity too.

At nearly 40 years of age, I would absolutely consider dating someone 10 years younger than me, as much as I would someone 10 years older.

No red flags!?... go for it!

Original poster
Awomanneedingadvice · 14/02/2021 11:47

Thanks everyone. I guess like PP said even a 40 year old man could be a man child.

OP posts:
BibbityBobbety · 14/02/2021 12:12

Maturity doesn't relate to age OP. You can have a very stable, secure, responsible 25 year old, and a fickle, clueless 40 year old. It boils down to personality. I only date men my age or a few years older or younger and look for a few things. Own property/assets or saving for one, hasn't racked up huge debts, live away from family and know how run a household - cook, clean, pay bills, experienced enough of the world to be savvy and understand different perspectives, treats you with respect and knows how to manage conflict, and communicate, is a considerate lover who cares about your pleasure. Focus on these aspects if you want a mature man, not age.

mindutopia · 14/02/2021 12:15

When I was in my late teens/20s, I always dated men 3-10 years older than me. Then when I was 28, I met dh...who was 21. Never in a million years would I have even given a 21 year old (he was still in uni!) a second glance under normal circumstances. But we happened to be both living somewhere at the time where the dating pool was very small, and I really wasn't even looking, but we ended up spending a lot of time together as we really clicked and had a lot of fun. Fast forward, 12 years and two dc and here we are. He is (and actually was at the time) the most sensible, mature person I've ever dated. He's more mature and sensible than I am, even now.

YerAWizardHarry · 14/02/2021 12:19

Of my 3 serious relationships , 2 of them were 9 years older than me. Always thought men my age were immature blah blah blah. My current partner is 14 months younger than me and I have never been happier, we actually have things in common which is really nice.

SapatSea · 14/02/2021 12:24

In our 20's my best friend would only ever date older guys. She liked the fact they were "established" and usually had a house/flat, car, spare cash so would pay for nice dinners, weekends away, flowers and gifts and seemed more confident etc. She really didn't want to date a contemporary who was as skint as her, no car, wanting to go Dutch on nights out.

ThreeTwoOneBlastOff · 14/02/2021 12:32

DH is 4 years younger than me, it never crosses my mind. You’d be unreasonable to write someone off purely based on them being younger. Maturity is not just down to age it’s also down to personality and experience.

Pinkdelight3 · 14/02/2021 12:38

I'd only ever gone out with older guys, but in my mid-20s I went out with my DH who's a year younger and it worked out beautifully (still happy 20 years later). He's always been mature. Whereas my older brother has always acted at least a decade younger than me. People are individuals. If this guy is lovely and not being immature, why be wary on principle?

partyatthepalace · 14/02/2021 12:39

All you need to worry about is is there a connection or not. If you are mature so might he be - how will you know unless you try? And in the long run, being close in age is ideal.

SoulofanAggron · 14/02/2021 12:47

I dated a lot of older guys and there can be several issues which you would encounter as time went on. If they were still in their 20s/early 30s then you probably didn't encounter them, plus if it was only 5 years or so most times it isn't much of a gap.

As they get older men have more impotence and also lose their looks and you become less attracted to them. There can also be a bit of a power imbalance where they disrespect you.

I'm going to try not to date older guys again.

Definitely try dating the guy your own age. A year or two either way is your own age really.

Original poster
Awomanneedingadvice · 14/02/2021 16:25

I’m going to give it a go and try my hardest to forget about the age. I guess the fact that it hasn’t work out with people I have previously dated means I should try something different!

OP posts:
Thewithesarehere · 14/02/2021 16:31

@Awomanneedingadvice

Immaturity is my main concern Bibbity. I have always been more mature for my age and I don’t want a man child like some of my friends have
I find this post of yours offensive OP. It paints other people in a light that is not nice. Ten years ago, I was not as mature as I am now. Neither was DH. We grew together and that is a great part of being together. Equally, the men you dated would be called a man child by women their own age which is quite off putting for me becuase that is where you can actually compare without being unfair: of course a 25 year old man won’t be as mature as a 35/40 year old man. However, if a man at 35/40 is as mature as a 25 year old, do you not think there can be more explanations than ‘I am more mature for my age’ only?
GidgetGirl · 14/02/2021 16:35

I don’t think age has a huge amount to do with maturity. It’s totally an individual thing - there are some ridiculous 60 year olds out there.

My partners have all been older - many significantly so - but I was never drawn to them because I thought they’d be more mature. I just didn’t (and still don’t) find men around my own age attractive. Each to their own, of course.

ThreeTwoOneBlastOff · 14/02/2021 16:52

My older boyfriends were idiots.

A friend of mine discounts men that don’t have the right qualifications (a degree), which is so short sighted. You need to forget about your criteria and look at each person for who they are.

Older men are quite capable of being a man child.

SunFlowerRose · 14/02/2021 16:55

I’ve always dated older men as younger seemed to immature but they never worked out as we always wanted different things.

I’ve been in my current relationship for three months with someone the same age and we have much more in common.

I’m also much happier than I was at the start of all the other relationships.

Though tbh I suspect it’s not so much the age of the blokes that is wrong but maybe the blokes we keep picking?

Original poster
Awomanneedingadvice · 14/02/2021 18:04

That is lovely to hear Smile. Of course things don’t just come down to age but it’s always been something I have dismissed people because of

OP posts:
Original poster
Awomanneedingadvice · 14/02/2021 18:07

@Thewithesarehere apologies if my post came across offensive, I was simply after some advice and some positive stories from women that have dated younger men or men their age.

OP posts:
hereyehearye · 14/02/2021 18:08

Sorry but people who say they are mature for their age rarely are. You sound pretty young to me. At least not old enough to understand that there are MANY men who are in their 40s who are still the classic man child. If you think dating older is going to protect you from useless men, you're in for a rude awakening.

Happycat1212 · 14/02/2021 18:28

I don’t usually date men massively older than myself, it’s always only been 3/4 years kind of thing but no I wouldn’t date anyone younger

Swipe left for the next trending thread